To Tame A Virgin #3


Read previous episodes here

Temi?” Uyi tapped softly on Temi’s bedroom door and waited as he heard shuffling. The door opened from within and Temi stepped out, a hanky over her nose.

“Were you crying?”

She sniffed. “No.”

“I’m sorry I laughed… I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay. I made a fool of myself. I don’t know why I did that. You must think I’m a crazy, horny girl now.”

“We all get horny. But yes, you’re crazy.”

She playfully hit him with a smile.

“I have to go,” he said.

“Okay, lemme get my sweater and walk you.”

She retreated into the bedroom and returned with a sweater.

“Uyi,” she bit her lip and played with her fingers, “I’m sure you think I’m crazy about you, with the perfume and the kiss earlier… I like you but not like that. Like I said, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“And like I said, it’s no big deal, though I enjoyed the kiss and I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

She playfully hit him again and opened the door. They walked out of her apartment and came round to a large duplex in the compound.

“Who lives here?” Uyi asked, staring up at the duplex.

“My aunt. But she’s out of the country now. She graciously gave me her boys’ quarters to live.”

“How about your parents?”

“They’re in Illorin.”

Temi led the way, leading them out of the main gate of the house. It was already dark and a moonless sky was suspended above them but the street lamps illuminated the quiet and exclusive neighborhood. Temi walked Uyi to a junction where he was sure to get a taxi and she stopped.

“I have to go home now,” she said. “See you at work tomorrow.”

He nodded. “I enjoyed the rice, by the way. It was delicious.”

“Thanks.” She hugged him and turned around. “Bye!”

A gentle breeze was beginning to blow as she walked back home and Temi took her time enjoying the feel of it over her body. With a smile, she began to recall the feel of Uyi’s lips over hers and she didn’t caution her thoughts when they wandered back to him. She wanted more. No, she wanted all of him. It was an attraction that hit her the first time she saw him when he walked into the office in his corper uniform and a lost look in his eyes. She had stopped what she was doing and positioned herself to study every feature on him carefully. His face wasn’t spectacular and she would come to learn that the lost look in his eyes was a constant but she would also find out that he was a computer genius. He had graduated with a first class in computer science and had gone for a second degree in computer programming and came out with a second class upper. He could speak seventeen languages, French, Arabic and Chinese included and could play four different musical instruments at advanced levels. It was his brains that sustained him through school with scholarships from an oil company and his state government. Temi saw in him a man that was going to be a big CEO of a multimillion naira company someday and she saw herself next to him. Her best friend, Hafsa told her she was sapiosexual, being attracted to and turned on by only intelligent men, men with the same IQ level as hers. Temi didn’t deny it but she was convinced that she felt more for Uyi than just what her sexual orientation dictated.

Temi came to her building and walked in, leaving the gateman to close the gate behind her. As she rounded her aunt’s duplex, she heard a familiar voice that made her frown. Standing before her door, waiting for her was her boyfriend, Dike. He was on the phone with someone. When he saw. her, he stretched out a hand and she walked into his embrace.

“Please, call me when you get anything, abeg. I really need this contract to work. Thanks, man.”

Dike slid shut his phone and pulled Temi into a warm kiss. “Where were you, cuddles?” he asked, his handsome face coming into a slight frown.

“I walked a friend,” she replied, catching her breath from the kiss.


“Ehm, yeah.”

“I thought you said you guys had a fight. Reconciled?”

“Yeah.” Temi unlocked her door and they walked in. Dike wasted no time in devouring her lips again and this time, his hands were all over her body.

“Dike…” she protested and moved away from him. “I’m on my period.”

He frowned. “Does it come twice a month or something? Two weeks ago, you asked me to help you buy sanitary towels.”

Temi sighed. “Okay, I’m not on my period but I’m not in the mood and…”

Dike grabbed her again and began to kiss her and this time his hands expertly pressed the right buttons on her body. Gradually, she became weak in his arms and when she realized he wasn’t going to let her go, she shut her eyes and imagined it was Uyi who was touching her. But Dike made love to her in his usual hurried manner and in no time, he was done and panting hard beside her while she was left hanging and frustrated.

“Want a drink of water?” he asked, heading to the kitchen but she didn’t respond as she got off the couch and walked to her bathroom. She put on her showercap and turned on the cold shower.

“You’re awfully quiet today, baby? What’s wrong?” Dike appeared at the doorway with a glass of cold water.

“I’m fine,” Temi muttered but shook her head as a thought entered her. “No, I’m not fine.”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“When are you going to announce to everyone at the office that I’m your girlfriend?”

Dike stopped drinking and narrowed his eyes at her. “Announce?”

“Okay, maybe not announce-announce but…” she trailed off as she felt herself tense up emotionally. “I saw you at the restaurant today when I went for lunch and you were alone but you acted like you didn’t even see me and I was sitting directly opposite you. Are you ashamed of me or something?”

“No, cuddles.”

“Then why do you always walk past me at work and…”

“I’m part of management…”

“You are a consultant!” Temi raised her pitch. “You hardly come to work! You work in other firms! Greek Elysium is not your main office! Why must I be a secret?!”

“Hey, hey, hey.” Dike placed his glass of water on the floor and walked to her. He got into the shower with her and held her.

“I’m sorry, Temi but you know I’m a very private person and I don’t like people being up in my grill, especially after what happened.”

“What happened has got nothing to do with us! It was between you and her and nobody even knew about it!”

“Okay, you have a point there but you can’t say I’m not always at the office nau. I spend my time there a lot these days because that’s all I’ve got going.”

Temi furrowed her brows and looked at him. “All you’ve got…? How?”

“I lost my other contracts.”

“Two of them?”



“I don’t know. It’s like some bad juju is following me. They both called me and told me they weren’t retaining me any longer since my job was done.”

“Two of them?” Temi turned off the shower. “Didn’t you sign some sort of agreement?”

“Yes, I did. But it seems they’re allowed to let me go after any job is done.”

“So, you’re broke?”

“Not entirely but soon. But I’ll be fine, cuddles. What I don’t need is you stressing yourself over how I feel about you. You know I love you.”

Temi crossed her arms. “You do? How much?”

Dike uncrossed her arms. “Allow me show you.”


Dike left a gentle kiss on Temi’s lips and she stirred in her sleep. She threw a hand over him and pulled him close but he gently slid off her grip and got off the bed. He walked out to the sitting room where he had kept his clothes and wore them and like a mouse, he quietly opened the door and walked out. He stared at his watch and was shocked to find that it was almost eleven o’clock. He walked out the compound and began a short journey to where he had parked his car. It was on a street that connected to Temi’s and he found it in the condition he had left it. He got in, keyed the engine and drove home.


Dike parked his car outside his home and took his time to gather a few items from his backseat, including a steaming shawarma he had just bought from Drumstix.

“Oga good evening!” his nosy gateman appeared by his window, making him almost jump.

“Ehen, Sunny. How are you?”

“I dey, sir.”

“Ehn, I fit get space to park for inside?”

“No, everybody don come back and no space.”

Dike shook his head. If it wasn’t for his present condition, he would have rented out a nice, cozy home he had been eyeing in Maitama. He hated that he had to share space with three other tenants in one compound. The apartments were comfortable and had large rooms but he still wasn’t cool with the living arrangements. Sunny helped him with his things and they both walked in. The first thing that greeted Dike’s eyes was the old couple that was seated outside their apartment, talking in low tones and laughing to themselves. The man couldn’t be anything less than seventy and the wife a few years younger but they loved each other. It seemed they had found the secret of life and they were going to live out their days enjoying it.

“Mr Nzube!” the man greeted and Dike smiled.

“Good evening, sir,” Dike bent his head respectfully.

“Just back from work?”

“Yes sir. Good evening, ma.”

The woman smiled back.

“I was just telling my wife that you young people work so hard these days. In our time…”

Dike heaved silently and endured the old man’s walk down memory lane. It lasted a few minutes and when he was done, Dike smiled again.

“Good night.”

“Good night!” the couple said in unison as he walked in through a door that led him up a flight of stairs leading to his own apartment. Sunny was waiting outside the door and Dike relieved him of the things in his hands.

“Thank you, Sunny.”

Sunny nodded and made it down again. Dike fumbled around for his key and when he got it, he made to insert it into the keyhole but the door opened from within, scaring him so bad, the things in his hands fell to the floor, including his laptop and shawarma.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry,” apologized the person that startled him. Dike lifted angry eyes at his wife as she bent down to help him.

“When did you get in?” he asked.

“About eight hours ago.”

“And you didn’t call to tell me you were coming or that you had arrived?”

Kachi looked at her husband carefully but with a frostiness in her eyes that spoke volumes. Dike stood and walked in, leaving her outside. She joined him in the sitting room a short while later.

“You have not seen me in five months and you welcome me like that?” Kachi asked him but he snapped at her.

“You walked out on me! You refused to pick my calls or reply my texts! Then you think you can just appear out of nowhere and demand a warm hug? Are you crazy?”

Kachi looked like she had something to say but she refrained and walked into the kitchen instead. Out of her sight, Dike smelled himself and realized Temi was written all over him. He hurried into his bedroom, discarded his clothes swiftly and took a quick shower. When he was through and parted the shower curtain, he found Kachi waiting for him with her hands behind her back.

“Jesus! Kachi, stop ghosting around the house like that!”

She produced her hands from behind her and handed him his towel and watched as he mopped himself dry. “I made your favorite soup. Onugbu.”

“Where’s my son? You left him in Suleija?”

“He’s here. He’s the reason why we came. He was really sick…”

“And you brought him all the way to Abuja to treat him?”

“His health insurance is registered to a hospital here nau.”

“Still no excuse for you to come all the way.” Dike walked out of the bathroom and walked to the wardrobe to get his pajamas.

“Okay, I came back because I got a job with a school in Jabi.”

Dike turned, a full scowl on his face. “What happened to the school where you’re still working in Suleija?”

“I quit. Two weeks ago.”

“Without telling me?!” Dike shouted. “How do you make major decisions like that without informing me first, Onyekachi? Abi, am I not a man to you again?!”

“You cheated on me, Dike!”

“Oh, so we’re still going down that road, okwa ya? We’re still talking about a cheating I did not do?!”

“It doesn’t matter if you slept with her or not, you cheated on me emotionally! You hurt my feelings! You decimated my trust and you destroyed every ounce of respect I had for you! But I’m here again to make things work, so don’t disrespect me by speaking to me as if I am brainless! I am a smart, intelligent woman who has gone through hell with her husband and is willing to give him a second chance and the least you can do is catch the line I’m throwing you without making a big hoo-ha over it!”

Dike slowly sat on the bed and turned away from Kachi with an instant, banging headache. Trouble was back and there was no escaping it this time. He looked at her seething where she was standing, her beautiful face showing her pain. She was more stunning than Temi and maybe not as intelligent but she was smart in her own way and never hesitated to remind him of the fact. Still she was a pain in his neck and had been so even from the first day she walked into his life as his wife.

It began with the pregnancy. She would nag over everything. From the way he scattered his clothes around the room to even the way he snored at night. His mother told him to endure, that the phase was going to be over after the baby was born but she only got worse. Dike loved her immensely then and was willing to endure anything for her sake but as the years rolled by and her acerbic tongue threatened his sanity and masculinity, he began to withdraw from her. He spent more time at work or with his friends at bars after work and he made sure he was hardly home during the weekends. His son was the only thing that kept him around the house and even that wasn’t enough to keep him happy. He was glad when she announced to him over a year ago that she had gotten a job to work in a private secondary school in Suleija. He encouraged her to go for it and when she accepted, no married man was as happy as he was in the whole of Abuja. She took the boy with her and put him in a primary school there and they either visited Abuja every weekend or Dike went to see them.

Absence they say, makes the heart grow fonder and that was the case with Dike and Kachi. Her nagging had reduced and his impatience with her was also done with but having found new freedom and living his life almost as a bachelor, Dike’s eyes began to stray. When he was first offered the job to consult for Greek Elysium, bringing in and managing expensive clients for them, Dike never thought he would enter into the world of unfaithful men but the moment he set his eyes on Dami, he knew nothing was ever going to stop him from having her. At that point, he was fairly rich, consulting for four different companies within Abuja; he could afford to give the twenty-six year old anything she wanted. It was a secret affair and not even his friends knew about it. Dami made him feel young again and for that short period of time they were together, he made plans to divorce Kachi. Reason being that he had fallen in love with Dami. It wasn’t just a flimsy infatuation that was going to fizzle away; he was truly and deeply head over heels in love with her and wanted to marry her after he was done with Kachi. He had heard rumors about Dami’s unstable ways but he told himself she was different with him. He didn’t mind that she was a virgin and didn’t sleep with him. In his mind, he was going to have her when she became his officially. But Dami remained true to her nature and after six months, got bored and tired of him and without any explanation, sent him a text, telling him it was over. Dike was deeply heartbroken and begged to be taken back but she rejected his calls, stayed away from him and when he became persistent, she reported him to her father, telling him a married man was stalking her. Her father looked into the case, got information about Dike and contacted Kachi and as they say it down here, fowl ynash blow open.

What ensued was a nasty family feud that involved both Kachi’s and Dike’s families. Kachi threatened to leave but since it was proven that Dike didn’t sleep with Dami, she was asked to give him another chance. She agreed but promised to punish him for it. Hence, she stayed away from him for five months. Dike did not care. He was still heartbroken over Dami’s betrayal and to revive his sense of self, he picked Temi and began an affair with her. Temi was quiet, a homebody and was badly in need of love. She had no idea that he was married and offered him her body willingly because he treated her kindly. He had planned to keep the relationship going for a long time but now as he sat watching his fuming wife, he wasn’t so sure if keeping Temi was a good idea at all.


Dike turned to the door to see his six year old son standing by it. Kachi was right; the boy was ill. Dike could tell from the yellow in his eyes. He got up and walked to the boy, lifting him off the floor.

“Travis, why aren’t you sleeping?”

“I was hearing you and mommy shouting.”

“We were just playing.” Dike lied, taking him back to his bedroom. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.”

Dike put his son back into to bed and covered him with a blanket.

“Daddy, I want to play FIFA with you.”

“Not tonight, Travis. When you get better, I promise. Now, you have to go to sleep.”

Dike began to head for the door but Travis stopped him. “You didn’t pray.”

Dike swallowed and an image of Temi lying naked stabbed him in guilt. He scratched his head and turned back. “Why don’t you pray, big boy?”


Travis put his hands together and began.

“In Jesus name. Dear God, thank you the food we eat and the bed to sleep and the roof over our heads. Thank you for mommy and daddy and Grandpa and Grandma Chinyere and Grandma Peace. Thank you for healing me and bringing me back to Abuja. I don’t want to go back to Suleija again and mommy said I won’t. I want my daddy and my mommy to stop fighting…”

Dike opened an eye to look at the boy and he saw Kachi standing by the door, looking back at him.

“Please, send me a baby sister and please let her have long hair and plenty teeth. In Jesus name.”

Dike tried not to laugh.

“Daddy, say amen.”

“Amen. Oya good night. Sleep.”

Dike saw the gusto in the boy return as he rested his head on the pillow. He placed a kiss on his forehead and walked out of the room. He found Kachi at the corridor, the anger in her gone.

“Nnai…” she called gently, “I’m sorry.” She walked to him. He hugged her and momentarily remembered why he married her in the first place but his resentment returned and a fiendish thought entered his mind.

“Let’s answer Travis’ prayer. Let’s have another baby.”

“For real?” she looked at him, smiling uncontrollably. She had always wanted another child.

“Maybe it will bring us closer,” Dike told her and she hugged him tight.

“Thank you. Let’s start now,” she whispered.

“No, dinner first. Abi you want make I no perform well?”

She giggled and kissed him. “Let me warm up the soup.”

She hurried into the kitchen and Dike walked back to his bedroom. He fished for his phone from his pocket and scrolled to his browser. A certain web address was on speed dial and he clicked on it. In seconds he was inside the control panel of the site and from there he could view every activity that was going on. He clicked on statistics and a page opened, showing him the activities of a current online betting game that he had initiated. The numbers had soared since the last time he visited the site five hours ago and even at that moment, he noticed three members and one visitor online and two of them had upped the numbers, placing a bet on an individual they were sure was going to be the one to deflower Dami. Dike smiled and logged out. Despite his latest employment drawbacks, things seemed to be looking up. Kachi was going to be occupied with thoughts of having a baby, leaving him free to pursue his affair with Temi, and his plan to utterly ruin Dami. Revenge was a meal the little brat was going to be served and it was going to be hot and steamy.

“Dike, dinner’s ready!”

©Sally @moskedapages

To Tame A Virgin #2

Read #1 herethighs

The slaughterhouse was at it again. Somehow they had found a way to infuriate Uyi on Monday morning with a crude joke on him, one he wasn’t going to be laughing to in a while. Being an unusual character, poles apart from most people, he never allowed the things that normally got to others bug him. Having faced a lot of suffering in his life, he always cleanly found a way to replace disturbing thoughts with happier ones and moved on. Take the Vivian and Edet incidence for instance. By the time the sun had set that evening and he had been cured of his Buran Tashi issue by Doctor Ahmed, Uyi had totally erased Vivian from his place of affection and replaced her with the model chick in his office, refusing to take Vivian’s calls or reply her texts. Furthermore, he didn’t consider it necessary to confront Edet over what had happened when he felt he could easily act like the idiot didn’t exist. Having settled those issues on his mind, Uyi moved on, survived the weekend even with constant taunting from his roommates, and looked forward to a productive week ahead. But unfortunately for him, he was going to be reminded about that Saturday by members of the slaughterhouse the moment he walked into his office on Monday.

As a busy malware analyst, Uyi was constantly stuck to his computer screen and scarcely had time to bother about what new buzz was spreading around the web. Knowing he was valuable to Geek Elysium never stopped him from executing his duties with all earnestness and dedication. And such was the case with his colleagues in the network securities department. On a good day the place was dead quiet except for the sounds of fingers over keyboards and the occasional grunt, ahem, sigh and silent chuckle. Every now and then one would get a colleague asking another or two for help on a certain program but other than those, it was the most boring office in the whole of the IT firm and was termed the ‘original nerd nirvana’. Thus, Uyi found it weird when he showed up late that Monday morning and found everyone not at their posts but around his friend’s, Temi’s desk, all carried away by something on her screen and laughing in sheer heartiness. Putting aside his laptop carrier, he walked to her desk and tried to catch a glimpse of her screen but found his view blocked by a mass of hair that was redolent of damp clothes and cheap bathing soap. He screwed up his nose, pulled away and walked back to his own desk. Seconds later the crowd around Temi disappeared and each went to their duty posts, the office taking on its normal form of silence.

Uyi returned to Temi and she beamed at him with a huge smile. “Uyi!”

“Hi Tems.” Uyi smiled back and she pumped her lips to revive her lip gloss which was almost non-existent due to a bad habit of hers of constantly biting her lower lip.

“You’re late today oh.” She pushed her geek glasses closer to her eyes and adjusted her sitting, upsetting huge breasts that shook blatantly in Uyi’s face. He wondered why she never liked to wear strong supportive bras.

“What were you guys watching?” he asked.

“Oh! It’s a video on Youtube and you need to see it! In one hour it got like a hundred thousand hits,” she said excitedly and adjusted her sitting again. “It’s a five minute 2D animation like South Park and it’s called The Learner, His Girlfriend and His Boner. Want to watch?”

Uyi shook his head. He had a lot of work waiting for him, but he didn’t want to upset Temi.

“Gist me.”

“Seriously you need to watch it but it’s about this guy whose girlfriend visited him for the weekend and for some weird reason, he couldn’t have sex with her because his…you know…refused to act up.”

“That sounds familiar,” Uyi murmured, still unaware the joke was on him.

“So on the last day, when the girl was supposed to leave, the guy dashed to his friend’s house to get something to help him perform. You won’t believe what he got!” she giggled and clapped in excitement.


“Buran Tashi!” Temi snorted and held her nose embarrassingly. “Sorry.”

Uyi didn’t reply. His countenance had turned into stone in an instant.

“You know what Buran Tashi is, right? It’s herbal Viagra. Locally made by all these mallams to help men…”

“I know what Buran Tashi is. Go on.”

“So by the time the guy got home he had already overdosed on the Buran Tashi, thanks to his friend who did it deliberately to have a good laugh. And by now, the guy was all charged up, ready to impress his babe but when he walked into his room, he found his neighbor banging her! But that’s not all. That’s not all…” She snorted again. “I’m sorry. It just cracks me up. The guy is a learner, I swear!”

“Go on,” Uyi murmured with irritation.

“So, the guy was obviously really upset but that wasn’t his problem. More than anything he needed to relieve himself of his konji, so he went to his next door neighbors because there were two women living there and he was hoping they would somehow help him with his boner issue. Sha the women invited him in and one of them wasted no time in asking him to strip. The guy was so geared up and did as he was told in full anticipation. Then from nowhere, one of the women brought out this humongous needle and while the other held him down, she used it to drain blood from the guy’s penis!” Temi held her side as she fell into a long laughing spell, occasionally interjected with uncontrollable snorts. Uyi remained standing, his blood boiling within his veins and a thousand thoughts racing through his mind. But Temi laughed on, so hard she cried. She fished for her hanky in her handbag and held it over her nose to clean her leaking nostrils as Uyi tried his best to repress his growing anger. When she had finally calmed, she took a last sniff and looked at him. “Seriously, you need to watch it.”

“Is the animation based on anyone’s true life story?” Uyi asked.

“No. It’s just comedy.”

“So what’s the moral behind the story?”

“Geez!” she glowered right away. “You’re so uptight Uyi. It’s just a cartoon. No one’s asking anyone to learn from it.”

Uyi smiled at the irony of her statement.

“But you like cartoons like Naruto, abi?” she asked defensively. “What are you learning from that one?”

“How to kill bad guys.” Uyi answered as he saw himself dressed as a Ninja with a sword, slicing off Ovie’s and Peter’s heads.

“Loosen up!” she nudged him with her elbow and pushed aside a lock of hair blocking her eyes. “So how did your week with Vivian go? Hope you guys had fun? She’s gone, right?”

Uyi couldn’t miss the jealousy in Temi’s tone but it didn’t stop him from hurting her further.

“Oh, it was great. We were in cloud nine the whole time. The learner in that cartoon should have come to me to be taught a skill or two.”

“Oh.” Deflated, Temi pushed her glasses up to her eyes and faced her computer screen. “Glad to hear you enjoyed yourself. I, em…have work to do. See you during lunch break? My treat.”


Uyi walked back to his desk, faced his screen and used his usual fantasy of the model girl to keep him away from thoughts that consisted mostly of murdering Ovie and Peter. Come lunch break, he dashed out of the office and crossed the street from his office building to an expensive restaurant the evil duo loved to visit. There he spotted them with a bunch of guys who worked in a law firm and a bank that flanked their office. As it was always with them, they were in high spirits and hadn’t noticed when he walked in. Already seeing his plans of confronting them backfire in his face, he made to leave, but just as he was stepping out, he bumped into the girl of his constant fantasies, and had her iPad Mini, phone and purse falling to the floor. Immediately, he stooped down to gather the items but she remained standing, hands on her waist, a blaze in her eyes and with a tone that turned him off the moment she screamed.

“Are you blind or directionally challenged?!”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t see you coming.” Uyi rose slowly, his eyes sweeping fully the twin, smooth towers that were her legs. Then with a slight smile he handed her the items in his hands but she kept staring at him, glaring angrily and condescendingly into his face.

“I know you,” she said unhurriedly but with the same biting venom. “You’re a corper, right? At Geek Elysium? I work there too. Do you know me?”

Uyi’s smile petered out. “Am I supposed to know you?”

She looked at him as if stung. He could almost hear the words screaming out loud in her head. My name is Damaris Alechenu. Daughter of Chief Justice Anyebe Alechenu. My mother is the late Professor Damaris Alechenu, former minister for finance. I once strutted my stuff on runways in Paris, London and New York. You can find me on the pages of Essence, Ebony and True Love and on billboards all around Nigeria. I love to club, party and lazy about Abuja with my airhead friends all through the week. I’m a virgin but I date only rich guys. Unfortunately you’re not one of them…

“So, you don’t know me?” she asked again and Uyi shook his head. He really didn’t know much about her. All that information was Google talk.

“Then you’re more challenged than I think. I’m Damaris. Call me Dami.” She grabbed her stuff from him, fished out an eyeliner from her purse and wrote her Twitter handle on his shirt. “Follow me on twitter @rhodiumvee and who knows, I might follow back.”

She pushed past him and the feel of her sublime skin made him momentarily forget his humiliation. He felt his nipples harden and he quickly returned to his senses as he felt a ripple travel through his veins. He didn’t want blood being pumped to the wrong place again.

“Oh and God help you that something should go wrong with my phone or IPad mini!” She added.

“Rude.” he heard himself mutter as he stepped out under the burning sun. Just as he was making to cross the street, someone tapped him from behind and he turned. When he saw that it was Ovie, he frowned.


“Cool down. I’m not fighting with you nah.” Ovie laughed. “I know say you dey vex for dat cartoon.”

“How I no go vex? Which kain nonsense joke be dat one?”

“You sef, relax! Person no fit play wit you again? I didn’t even mention your name nah.”

“Come, the joke is too much abeg. Make una stop.”

“Oya, no vex.” Ovie scratched the nape of his neck and Uyi knew he wanted something.


“E be like say you be friends wit dat Dami babe.”


“Abeg, you fit arrange some kain…?”

“Some kain wetin?” Uyi asked heatedly.

“I like the babe.”

“She dey inside. Go yarn am.”

Uyi hissed, crossed the street and walked back into his building and to his office where he faced his computer screen again. However there was a snag in his thinking process. It had suddenly become filled with images of Damaris and there was no other thought to counter the disturbance. She used to be his haven, now she had emerged to take over his mind entirely and had left him helpless against her.

“You’re an ass!” Temi appeared before him, arms crossed over her massive breasts.

Uyi looked up. “Oh Tems…I am so sorry. I had business to handle.”

“You could have told me. I sent you a text but you didn’t reply.”

“I’m sorry, dear. You had lunch alone?”


“Is there a way I can make it up to you?”

“Walk me home today and let me make you dinner.”

The answer came out like it had been waiting around the corner. She bit her lower lip and waited for his reply. It was the first time she was inviting him over and he was not so sure he wanted to go, being that she had a doting boyfriend who had loaded her table with gifts on Valentine’s Day and always bugged her with endless phone calls during work hours.

“Um…is he going to be there?”

“Who?” she asked.

“Your boyfriend.”

She laughed. “Oh no. He’s not going to be around. Nothing to fear; we’re just two friends eating and gisting about stuff.”

“Okay, fine,” Uyi acquiesced. “I’ll walk the beautiful lady home and eat the beautiful lady’s dinner. S’that okay?”

She grinned and pulled her sweater over her breasts.

“What’s that on your shirt?” she asked.


She pointed at the writing on his breast pocket.

“That…is a Twitter handle.”

“It’s Dami’s.” Temi frowned. “She wrote it on you?”



“Because… Well, just because.”

“Be careful.” Temi looked around as if someone was eavesdropping on her. “She’s a maneater. She uses guys and dumps them without a second thought. She’s dated four guys in this firm alone. Two in management.”


“I’m serious. She has like twelve boyfriends a year, one for each month. Be very careful.”

Uyi laughed. “Okay, I will. I don’t intend to date or even sleep with her but thanks for the information, though.”

Reluctantly, Temi scuffled to her corner. Uyi stared after her and wondered when she was ever going to stop being conscious over her weight and her vast female assets. She had now developed a slight hunch after years of trying to reduce the audacity of her breasts, and had fallen into a timid way of pressing her legs together each time she walked so as to avoid her backside from shaking excessively. Uyi wondered what her boyfriend was doing to up her confidence. Definitely, not much.

He fixed his thoughts back to his screen and picked up a less demanding job for a small client and began working on it.  In a snail’s pace, time dragged by and when the closing hour approached, Temi appeared over his desk again.


Uyi nodded and cleared his work area. They walked out of the building and with leisure steps began a stroll to Temi’s home not far from their office. Temi talked the whole way through and when they got to her house, she unlocked the door and let them in. Uyi found her sitting room surprisingly cozy and inviting. The place was neatly arranged and boasted of a swanky style that he never pictured her possessing. He had always considered her a full geek who never bothered about anything girly and stylish.

“Sit down while I microwave the stew and put rice on fire. And oh! Right under the center table is a couple of photo albums with pictures from school. Don’t laugh at me oh! I was really thin then!”

She disappeared into the kitchen while Uyi fed his eyes with pictures of her past and found himself looking at a girl who was very beautiful once. He mused over what happened to her as he put the photo albums aside and began going through a cosmo mag. Not long after she reappeared with two plates of rice and soft drinks and presented them to him. Uyi was shocked at two things when he saw her. One was how fast the food was made and the second was how sexy she looked in a pair of shorts and body-hugging top.

“Damn!” he exclaimed as he beheld her soft, smooth skin and beautiful feet he was immediately dying to kiss. He cautioned himself at once and pretended to face his meal but his corner eyes still rested on the curves on her that she always hid in clothes.

“Gas makes faster cooking.” She laughed, thinking his exclamation had to do with the food. Obviously, she didn’t know the effect she was having on him. She sat beside him and they began to eat silently. Halfway into the meal, she paused and looked at him.

“I have to tell you this, though I’m not supposed to.”

“What?” he put down his fork.

“There’s a secret website run by some of the guys at work who are betting online over whom will pop Dami’s cherry.”

“I don’t understand…”

“There are four guys that are currently on the list of whom they think could stand the chance of disvirgining her and they are making bets on them. And it’s not just guys at the office; they’re from everywhere. The person who opened that site is Dami’s ex, one of the guys at management and I won’t tell you his name but he’s doing it spitefully.”

“I see. Why are you telling me this?”

“You like her. Maybe you should tell her before she makes a fool of herself. Whoever gets to disvirgin her must show proof and you know what that means. He must film the whole thing. Anyway, I blame her. She flirts with guys a lot and when she chops their money, she dumps them the moment they try to get near her pants.”

“I see,” Uyi said again and picked his fork.

“Is that all you’ll say?”


“I thought you were crazy about her.”

“Crazy about Damaris? No, I’m not.”

“You sure?”


“So, can I kiss you?”

“W-what?” Uyi pulled back, laughing, but he was shocked at her audacity. “I have a girlfriend, remember?”

“Just one kiss.”

“And you have a boyfriend, Tems. And we are just friends.”

“Just one.”

“No.” He shook his head and she went back to her meal. Or so it seemed…until she jumped on him and covered his lips with hers. Uyi was taken by surprise but he wasn’t angry; he was amused. He didn’t stop her, not in the first few seconds that she was forceful and fiery, nor in the concluding seconds when she took her time to explore his Mirinda/curry flavored mouth. When she finally let go, he looked deep in her eyes and laughed; she covered her face and moved away.

“Are you satisfied?” he asked but she said nothing. “You are so going to hate yourself for what you just did.”

“I know.” Her face was still covered in her hands as she got up and ran into her room. Uyi knew she was going to have a good cry but it did not stop him from laughing his ass off. That was the only way he knew to get his mind off the news he just heard about Dami.

©Sally @moskedapages

On schedules, comments and protected posts

Hello people,
I’m here with a little announcement. No, I’m taking a break from blogging. I’ve had enough breaks for the moment, shoved aside every side job and I’m writing full time now 🙂
However, like I told you, I would not be posting regularly like I used to, due to a few ahems that I will not mention. But when I clear those up, I will resume a full schedule on The Immortals’ Code and To Tame A Virgin.
Okay, to the matter at hand. Your comments. I need them and this is not so that I can look and say yay! I have comments (tho I do that). It’s so that I can grow as a writer. I have come a long way but I still have a journey of a million miles ahead but how do I get there if you neither cheer me on or criticize me? Sometimes it’s really discouraging to come and see a vacant ‘no comment’ section and I’m thinking, did I do bad or well? And I’m wondering if I should continue writing. Here’s what most bloggers won’t tell you. We look forward to the comments; they keep us going. A little word here and there doesn’t hurt so please keep them coming biko.
About Fish Brain… Some people are wringing my neck on posting it and putting a password. Let me explain. It’s a work in progress and I’m getting feedback from people who care to share their thoughts and I’m leaving it open to anyone who can constructively help me get there. I promise you, you won’t be forgotten. Just buzz me on twitter @moskedapages and ask for the code and you’ll be let into the private lounge of a selected few.
So, I’m on my merry way to do whatever it is moms do on a friday afternoon.
Have a lovely weekend!

To Tame A Virgin #1



It was called the slaughterhouse for obvious reasons. There was not one single evening that a sexual act was not being committed there. Originally it was just a three-bedroom apartment inhabited by three corper friends—Uyi, Ovie and Peter—who had put their resources together to rent and decorate the space to their taste; but Ovie and Peter had found a way, together with a couple of their other friends who lived next door, to turn the place into a den of sin. Uyi, the conservative among them, was upset that his home had been turned into a brothel and was highly irritated by the brazenness of his roommates and their utter disrespect for the female folk they constantly took advantage of. He had spoken to them severally about how uncomfortable he was but his complains fell on deaf ears. Ovie and Peter had even gone far enough to turn themselves into part-time pimps, collecting cash from the guys they helped get laid.

Many evenings Uyi stayed out late and came home when he was sure he was not going to be bothered by any raucous party or some screaming girl nearing orgasm. He consoled himself that it was going to be just one year and everyone would find their way after their service . Ovie and Peter on the flip side, considered him a strange fellow because he avoided any type of female company, including the ones at work that constantly threw themselves at him. Not that he was particularly handsome or much of a hunk but he was somewhat a mystery and ladies liked that type of thing. He never gave any of them any indication that he was even interested in as much as casual office banter. He always looked them directly into their eyes whenever he spoke with them and kept his discussions strictly on office matters. Most of them concluded he was gay; others thought that he was going through a heart break. But Uyi was just not interested in any other woman at that moment. He had a steady girlfriend, Vivian, on one side and one other girl he had his sights on. The other girl was totally out of his reach but it didn’t stop him from fantasizing about having her. She was something out of a foreign magazine cover, skinny and lithe with very smooth skin and a tall frame that stood above his. She once was a model but had given up her career to please a dominating father and had taken up IT instead. Uyi wished she had rebelled but was grateful that she didn’t or he wouldn’t have had the opportunity to meet her. Hence, other than those two women in his heart and head, Uyi kept his business out of any girl’s skirts and faced his career.

But things were going to turn sour for him. His girlfriend, the main one he loved and had plans of proposing if he ever hit it big, had called to say she was visiting Abuja from Abraka and was staying for a week. Uyi did his best to dissuade her but she insisted on being with him, so he invited her over. Before she arrived, he made preparations to keep her away from the slaughterhouse by asking his next door neighbor, Edet, to switch rooms with him for a week. Edet wasn’t that much of a neat fellow and his living conditions were less than impressive but Uyi didn’t mind; he just needed to get Vivian away from the monsters that were his friends.

The day came and Vivian arrived. As was the case with these situations, there was to be some form of long-time-no-see sex but when the moment of truth came and they got down to it, Uyi found out he couldn’t ‘perform’. Vivian was cool with it and didn’t even bother because she was tired after a long journey. She went to bed and so did Uyi but they had no idea that what had just happened was going to occur again and throughout Vivian’s entire stay.

Their one week of love turned into a nightmare for Uyi who had never experienced such a strange phenomenon and for Vivian it was going to be downright frustrating because she was one of those females that easily got turned on. One careless stroke of any part of her body and she was there, ready to go all the way.

On the last night of her short visit, she turned the heat up a notch and did everything by the book and even added some avant-garde techniques she learnt from an x-rated movie but she still couldn’t get Uyi’s little man up. With tears in her eyes, she gave in to her pent up frustration and angrily blurted out what had been on her mind all week.

“You’re cheating on me, Omoruyi!”

“Wow,” Uyi muttered after staring at her for a while. “Where is that coming from, Viv?”

“You are cheating on me!” she repeated. “If not, why am I not turning you on? Abi you don’t find me attractive? Or am I smelling? Ehn? What is it, Uyi? For a whole week now! I left Abraka to come all the way here and you can’t perform your duties as a man. No, I’m sure there’s another girl!”

“Viv, you know you’re the only one nau. See… these things happen. I think it’s the stress of this NYSC. It’s really getting to me.”

“You’re not the only one doing NYSC oh!” she reminded him. “I can’t believe I travelled all the way for this nonsense!” She got off the thin mattress on the floor and marched into the bathroom, slamming the door.

Uyi scratched his head in aggravation and made to follow her but he thought against it and walked out of the room instead. He could hear his friends in their usual high spirits next door and an idea hit him. He shut his door and hurried up the short steps that led to his apartment and walked into the sitting room. First, he couldn’t make out the faces in the glorious smokiness that clouded the room but their voices registered the persons present. It was a Friday evening and they were doing their usual Friday GHTYD (get high till you die) shindig but that day, there were no females present and it was all about marijuana. First, someone thought it smart to burn it as incense; then another suggested each person smoked a jumbo; one other fool put forward that they drank it as hot beverage with loads of milk and the last cooked it into a large pot of beans.

“When I travel go Jamo, the mat wen dem give us sidon, dem weave am wit kpoli!” Uyi’s tall roommate, Peter, said and for some reason what he had just told was extremely funny and the whole room burst into laughter.

“Edet!” Uyi called above the laughter, searching for the guy whose room he had been inhabiting for a week.

“Yo!” Edet replied from where he was seated on the floor.


“I dey come!” replied Edet and he dipped his spoon into a large bowl of beans and pulled out a dripping mound of watery porridge. The spoon slid into his mouth and he chewed generously and swallowed before he asked alarmingly, “na who put water and sugar for dis beans nah?”

The room went silent and through the clearing smoke Uyi could see confused, dazed, blank faces trying hard to find an answer to Edet’s question.

“Na Murphy!” someone revealed and all inebriated eyes turned to Murphy, a dark, tall guy with tiny tribal marks on his cheeks.

“Guy!” Edet tapped him.

“Mmmm?” Murphy looked at him with raised eyebrows that Uyi guessed had been static since his first drag. He was stirring from a marijuana trance. “Ow far? I add water and sugar for the garri nah.”

And the sitting room roared with laughter. Someone got up and ran into the bathroom to handle a bursting bladder that couldn’t hold his urine.

“Na wa oh! E be like say Murphy crase don ripe!” Ovie, the other roommate said but Uyi butt in.

“No be all of una sit daan dey watch am as im pour the water and sugar? Una stop am?”

There was more laughter and this time it was prolonged with a couple of guys rolling on the floor. Uyi was not in the mood for them as he waited impatiently and for a long time for the laughter to completely die down before he tried getting Edet’s attention again. Finally Edet walked to him.

“Uyi, my main man!” He shook him. “Ow far?”

“Abeg, e get something I been wan ask you.”


“Na about my babe.”

“Ehen?” Edet blinked and wrinkled his nose distractingly and Uyi had to pause briefly to be sure he was with him.

“Wetin you dey look?” he followed Edet’s distracted eyes as it led him outside. He was staring at a shrub in their neighbor’s flowerbed. Uyi saw a thought gather around Edet’s brows but he banished it away briefly and turned back to him.

“Ehen, you dey talk about your babe. The Abraka chick?”

“Ehn, she dey go back tomorrow and…”

Edet’s eyes drifted again and began following the shrub.

“E be like say dat flower dey waka,” he stated.

Uyi rolled his eyes.

“No, Guy, look am nah,” Edet insisted. “The ting dey dat aboki side before and now e don waka reash Mama Odun window. You no see am?”

“My guy, you wan hear me abi you wan follow flower?”

“Dey yarn, dey yarn, I dey hear you.”

“See, the ting be say, since the past one week wen Vivian come we just dey smoosh, dey kiss but we…”

“You never enter the toros,” Edet completed with a momentary staid face.

“How you take know?”

“I know nah. I no be confam Calabar boy?”

“No be say I no fit but the…ting no gree act up.”

Edet burst into laughter so loud and so hysterical he got the attention of the other guys.

“Dim your voice, nah,” Uyi said through clenched teeth.

“Commot dia! You keep confam turkey for house you no fit blow. You too mushi mushi abi you wan make guys colombi the kele for you?”

“Wetin happen?” Ovie asked and Edet, avoiding Uyi’s pleading eyes, explained their cultured friend’s predicament. Out rolled loads of laughter with demeaning words used to describe his penis like krakpo, jaguda, limp bizkit, dingle-dangle and so on. By this time, Uyi was beyond being embarrassed and moved in for advice on what to do.

“You know say na my main chick and I no wan make she feel say I get anoda babe owside… I no fit gok. Abeg…” Uyi looked into his friend’s eyes to get his full attention. “Abeg, help me.”

“But me I no understand why young guy like you no fit perform…”

“E dey happen!” Murphy interjected.

Peter shrugged. “Ehn… e don happen to me before wit one babe wen my brother hook me up wit. The babe no make am at all. Basic B flat. She resemble Larry Coldsweat and she come gather hair for chest and for armpit and even for ear. Una don see dat kain horror setting? How my blokos wan stand for dat kain mixture?”

“Me, e no fit happen to me at all!” Edet bragged but immediately shifted his eyes to the mysterious plant again. Uyi shook his head. He was the one who started the myth about the moving shrub. After one full evening of alcohol, he had stumbled into the shrub and was sure the thing shifted away from him to the aboki’s post by the gate. He told his story to his friends the next evening over beers and they swallowed it, probably for the same reason they swallowed the story about the pregnant goat that spoke to him on his way from work one night two months before. That one was for real though; the goat actually spoke.

“I get Buran Tashi,” Murphy announced from his bowl of sugary beans which everyone had abandoned and he had placed before his spread legs.

“Wetin dat one come be?” asked Peter.

“Buran Tashi na local Viagra,” Murphy explained and general exclamation came from the guys whom he ignored and concentrated on his food.

“My guy, no try dat ting!” Ovie warned Uyi. “Your blokos go die afta one round.”

“I don try am,” Murphy said slowly. “E work for me wella. I fire the gbekus in question from dawn to dusk sotey word go round and all the shenkiz dem just dey matrix for me.”

“As a badt guy!” Peter hailed him.

“You know nah,” Murphy replied with a conceited smile.

“I say no try am!” Ovie insisted and that was how an argument broke out amongst them—for or against Buran Tasho. Uyi stood confused and when he couldn’t make up his mind, he turned to Edet who was still engrossed in his magical shrub.

“Edet, how far, nah?”

“Take am,” Edet replied.

Uyi turned to Murphy. “Where the Tashi dey?”

“E dey my house.”

Uyi frowned and grunted. Murphy lived in Kuje and at that moment they were in Wuse 2. Neither of them were mobile and Ovie was certainly not going to release his car into their care. Uyi gave a resigned shrug and walked back to Edet’s, deflated.

He found Vivian asleep with an invisible sign that read DO NOT DISTURB on her arched back. She had also covered herself with the bedspread and made it clear that there was no way he was allowed near her.

He set his alarm for 7am, heaped a pile of clothes in one corner of the room, rested his head on them and went to sleep.

He woke up at the sound of his alarm and found that Vivian was all dressed up and packed to go. She was also carrying a long face.

“Viv?” He yawned and sat up. “You’re set?”

She nodded curtly.

“But your flight leaves by two. Why are you in a hurry?”

“Uyi, let me help you and me here. This thing between us is not working . You’re here, I’m in Abraka, we don’t get to see each other all the time… And you’re a guy and I know that you guys can’t do without a woman every now and then, so…”

“So, you’re dumping me?”

“No. I’m ending the relationship. Obviously, I don’t do it for you again…”

Uyi sprang up and held her. “Viv, I am still attracted to you.”

“You’re not.” She shook her head and looked down at his crotch area. “Clearly, you’re still a full-blooded man because your morning wood proves it but I’m the one who is not welcomed here again.”

Uyi stepped away from her. “I have a surprise for you. Please, don’t go. I promise you, you’ll love it! Just wait here!”

“Where are you going?”

“Ehm…to the office,” he lied and pecked her cheek. “I’ll be right back!”

He grabbed his wallet and a pair of Edet’s palm slippers and rushed out. He ran to his apartment and there in the sitting room, he found Murphy still snoring.

“Murph!” he tapped him. “Wake up!”

Murphy sprang up and looked around dazed, speaking in some strange language.

“Oya come carry me go your house. I want that Tashi ting abeg!”

Murphy shot up on his feet like he had been awake all night. He looked around for his phone and having found it, led the way out.


“The ting go start to work after thirty minutes. Make sure you don dey ready by dat time,” Murphy had instructed Uyi after he administered him four capfuls of the local Viagra. Uyi left with an elated mind and hopped on the nearest bus that would take him home. There was a little traffic on the way and he spent twenty precious minutes out on the road and by the time he got home, five minutes had been lost too. Noting that the drug had not begun to act, he thought about putting one last effort to his plans. A nice, cold bath before he began with Vivian was necessary but being that Edet’s shower was broken, Uyi decided to use his own bathroom instead. He hurried into his house and found it was as silent as he had left it. Ovie and Peter were still asleep but as he neared the bedrooms, he could hear a familiar sound that usually disturbed his evenings. It was a girl moaning. He shook his head and wondered how one of the guys had managed to get a girl in that early.

He went straight for his bedroom and without knocking, opened the door, and to his shock, the moaning girl was none other than Vivian having the ride of her life on Edet. They were both so gripped by their act that they didn’t notice he had walked in. Quietly, he drew out and gently shut the door. His thoughts were racing madly as his heart began to beat faster and to his utter dismay, he realized that the drug Murphy had given him had taken full effect. Knowing not what to make of his situation, he began to laugh at himself and if anyone had walked by they would have observed that his voice was in deep contrast to Vivian’s loud moaning in the background.

Still laughing but in a downcast tone, Uyi walked out of the house and headed to the one place he knew he could get help for his rigid dilemma. He found himself in front of the only apartment in the compound with women in it. He knocked at the door and someone pulled it open from within. It was young teenage girl of about seventeen. Her name was Odun and she had always fancied him, sneaking food to him and sometimes letting him into the house to watch football matches on DSTV whenever her mother and aunt were not home. At such times, she would dress skimpily, making sure he had a full view of her fine assets but he had treated her like he would his younger sister. Now, he stood before her, embarrassed, as he covered what he was sure her eyes had already seen.

“Your aunty dey?” he asked and she nodded. “Abeg call her for me.”

“Come in,” she offered.

“No, just call her.”

The girl walked back in and a couple of minutes later, her aunty, one of the sexiest women Uyi had ever met, appeared before him.

“Omoruyi, na wa oh. You came to see me today.” The dazzling being smiled and he smiled back, trying to still his heart. “What can I do you for?” She asked and he wished she had not used that expression. It gave him instant ideas.

“Doctor Ahmed, I need your help,” he whispered.

“Why don’t you come in?” She opened the door wider and he discovered that she had friends over. They were chatting loudly in her sitting room.

“No, no, no!” he drew back and forgetting himself, he exposed what his hands had been hiding.

“Uyi, did that your Murphy friend by any chance give you his famous Buran Tashi?” Doctor Ahmed asked, concerned.

“Yes.” Uyi darted his eyes away, then looked back at her, surprised.

She smiled. “He got into some trouble with it and I helped him. How much of it did you take?”

“Four caps.”

“Woah!” Her eyes widened. “Hmmm…does it hurt?”

“Like hell!”

She touched him gently, rubbing his shoulder. “I can help you.”

Uyi wasn’t sure what she meant but if the twinkle in her eyes was an invite, he wasn’t going to refuse. He needed a quick release for his agonizing problem. She took his hand and smiled again and he felt like a little boy about to be molested as she dragged him into her apartment. The heartbreaking vision of Vivian straddling Edet was forgotten, the constantly distracting thought of the other model girl in his office was also done away with and all that was in Uyi’s sight was the wiggling backside of Doctor Ahmed as she led him into her home filled with women. Mind you, there were only two other women there but in Uyi’s mind they could have been five or six and they were there to please him. In his heart, he thanked his stars for Doctor Ahmed. She was unquestionably, the coolest but hottest doctor he had ever met.

©Sally @moskedapages