Tag Archives: People

Na Fine Boy I Go Chop? [Test-The-Terone]

First Published on Manswers

Black-Tie-6001-300x163I like fine guys, don’t let the title fool you. Who doesn’t like the finer things in life? We all do. And that is why men invest all their time, money and effort to ensure that they get the fine cars, fine houses and even fine women. Women can put their effort into such too but when it comes to the choice of finding the better half, they couldn’t care less if he fell from a tree of baboons and orangutans, as long as he’s capable.

Before I go on, let me define a fine boy.

  1. A monkey.
  2. A guy who has good looks or is handsome, both facially and body-wise.
  3. A guy who is stuck-up on his looks or physical attributes and believes everyone should notice him.
  4. A guy who is not so fine but exhibits the characteristics of all three above. In this aspect, his case is even worse.

Now, I’m a writer and when I write romance stories, I sometimes like my characters to be good-looking because it is easier to put a picture of a good-looking couple in people’s minds but often times I try not describe how they look so the reader can form their own picture in their heads. Such times, I delve deeper to bring out the personality of the character rather than concentrate on the looks alone because filling my pages with fine faces will never sell anything. Same thing goes for women. They like to ogle at the handsome guys with tight bods when they pass by and might even go as far as dating them for the short term but if he’s fine John with no character or cheese, he’s getting the boot.

Women today are no longer in the era when they are told to shelve aside their outward appearance and concentrate only on the inward. They are in a world where the type of hair, the intensity of the foundation, the lipstick shade, the dress fitting and the height of the heels are not to be toyed with. A smart woman knows she has to dress like a queen always and will take her time perfecting what people see first when they meet her. Some people call this superficial or shallow but it is known fact that most men would go for the superficial and shallow than the one who dresses like she is going for a funeral. However, it is not the same with women when it comes to choosing a guy. Yes, they do appreciate a man looking good, but they are not particularly interested in his looks as they are in his success or power.

Women are hardwired to fall in love with rulers, CEOs, investors, religious leaders and so on and it has nothing to do with money. Let me repeat. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MONEY. She just wants a man that is capable. Not all men are or can be leaders but they have been naturally imbibed with qualities to lead and that’s why, a good woman when she meets a man for the first time, sizes him up for the future. If she likes the guy that first day, believe me, she has walked down the aisle with him and has had kids and has sat down in the front porch of their home whilst watching their grandkids play – all in her mind that first day! A typical guy might just be interested in the now and ready to go along with what comes but a woman wants to know if a man has plans for the future. Why waste her time with someone who won’t be there tomorrow?

It is known fact that many beautiful women settle for average to ugly looking guys, leaving the fine face, rock hard abs, the rugged jawline, tight biceps guys in the cold. And this is the reason: the fine boys have this stupid mentality that women who go for ugly men are only doing it because of the money. Now anyone who thinks like this will screw up many of his chances to have such beautiful women. Fine boys, quite frankly, irritate me – and a whole lot of women too, and that’s because they get so deceived by their fineness that they think their looks alone are enough to make a girl want them.

Recently, some stupid magazine went and told Iyanya that he is the sexiest man alive (vomit!) and since then the guy has been walking around, thinking he is God’s only gift to women. If you know him personally, please tell him he’s not all that and that it’s probably his celeb status that is reeling in all the cuties. He should just try and give up his singing and take a regular job like the rest of us and he will see that ‘ugly’ is not Whoopi Goldberg’s middle name nor is it an undiscovered planet in our solar system. Okay, just had to get that out. But my point is fine boys live an illusion and because they do, they are blind where most men have 20/20 vision.

Below, I’m going to state some of the mistakes fine boys make in an attempt to save them from themselves because somebody just has to tell them. Okay, maybe you’re not one of them but somehow you find yourself exhibiting those traits (especially if you have money), then you’re worse off and you need schooling. So, allow me educate you.

1.       Fine boys don’t go hunting

Yes, they believe the game should land at their doorstep. While real men face the world to hunt and gather, fine boys baff up and walk round the block or around shoprite, giving their best GQ poses in hopes of getting some hottie. *sigh* just go do a photo shoot instead because you’ll only end up with the game the hunters have rejected. At least with a budding career in posing as a fine boy under lights and camera, the girls might be attracted to your success.

2.       Fine boys are blind

Apart from the fact that they get blurry eyes from staring into the mirror for too long, their vision has been trained to notice only perfected and superior things. They believe every hot girl is naturally hot and so they avoid the ones that are not up their scale. Ugly guys don’t do that; they go for potential. They aim for average women with the potential to shine. Most women have been hurt before and carry the pain on their shoulders and this ultimately affects their beauty, grace and confidence. Ugly men are on the look for such normal girls and when they get them, they upgrade them with love and attention because they know that when a woman is loved the way she ought to be, her beauty and sexiness blossom.

3.       Fine boys don’t have game

Game to these dudes is about looking cute, showing their rock hard abs and using taglines like ‘I know you want me.’ Brother, pulizz get a life. An ugly man has got nothing but game to help him in his hunt for a partner. He knows his looks cannot score him squat, so he concentrates on other attributes and without difficulty displays that he can easily reel a woman in. He sugar-coats his tongue when he talks to her, he always keeps her on her toes, he showers her with all the attention she needs and makes being with him one big adventure with twists and turns at every corner. And because he knows that women also seek stability, he doesn’t forget to assure her that he is completely reliable emotionally, financially and otherwise.

 4.       Fine boys don’t respect fine women

That’s just the plain truth. To them, beautiful women are trophies they display to all who care to notice. A fine woman gets it the toughest when finding love. Most guys are just interested in sleeping with her and adding her on their list of ‘been there, done that’. Because many inept men are intimidated by the attention their beautiful women are getting, they treat them like trash and that is why you find so many fine boys settling for ugly girls. They simply cannot handle the fact that the woman is getting more attention than them. But an ugly man is not afraid of going for a beautiful woman because he knows what hell she goes through with men and all she’s looking for is someone who would love her as she is and see that there is more to her than her physical attributes. Good example is Jay Z and his Beyonce. When all guys were seeing her booty, he was seeing her talent. How about Ojukwu and Bianca? And they said she loved him to his dying breath even though he was old enough to be her father. Note: she didn’t care about his age; she was attracted to his power.

If you noticed my use of words, I particularly referred to these unsavory fine characters as ‘boys’ and not men. Like most of my articles, this is just a generalization. I have met fine men of character and quality and at their level in life, the word ‘fine’ has got nothing to do with the looks. You sit with them and you hardly notice their appearance because it’s all about sophistication, strength, distinction, decorum and respect. The same way I have met ugly men and have been blown away by the qualities they exuded and totally forgot that I once called them ugly.

It’s a music video out there, people, and today, I see a lot of fine boys who are a lot more interested in what they wear and how they wear it and totally neglect that there is a lot more in being a man than in looks. Such egotistic, airheaded behavior usually doesn’t get them the girls or they end up having girls who use and dump them. In the end they start giving wisecracks on Facebook and Twitter about girls like they know anything. Well, here’s one for you, brother: while you’re hung up on how useless all girls are, your mates are out there scoring like Messi. If you take time enough away from the mirror or your ex-girlfriend’s skinny jeans and go a-hunting, you will not only catch the early bird but may even nab the goose gander that lays the golden eggs (again, Jay Z and Beyonce).

One last lesson from the Bible. Absalom was said to be the most beautiful human being in all of Israel at some point and was constantly praised for his good looks. Definitely it got to his head. Read this excerpt:

“From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him. And when he cut the hair of his head—at the end of every year he cut it because it was heavy on him—when he cut it, he weighed the hair of his head at two hundred shekels (2.3 kilograms)…”

The story goes on to say he committed treason by trying to displace his father, the famous King David. He took over the throne when his father retreated to avoid war, slept with ten of his father’s concubines in the presence of all Israel and finally went into full blown war with him. And who knows, he might have been pardoned if his hair did not kill him. Riding on his donkey, his beautiful hair got caught in thick branches of an oak tree and his donkey galloped away and left him. Hanging in midair, the commander of David’s army plunged three spears into his heart and ten others also struck him and killed him.

LESSON: Don’t let your fineness kill you.

THE NIGERIAN WOMAN AND THE REAL MAN (TEST-THE-TERONE) BY Sally

THE NIGERIAN WOMAN AND THE REAL MAN

The Nigerian woman is like every other woman. She has all the appealing body parts and her anatomy is definitely female but she surprisingly has more to offer.

The Nigerian woman is raised to love, obey, respect, satisfy and nurture her man. From the time her little feet are able to move around and she can use her hands as well, her mother teaches her how to take care of the home. She starts from serving her father and brothers and uncles and at some point when she becomes old enough, her mother leaves the running of the household in her hands. Now, I know we’re in a modern age and westernization has affected us a lot but the females in Nigeria are still expected to serve the males no matter their upbringing, religion or even social status.

The Nigerian woman grows into learning how to cater to the emotional, physical, psychological and sexual wishes of her man. So what is the man’s duty, in return? The obvious answer would be, to provide her needs, be it financially or materially because the general opinion is if you give a Nigerian woman money, then you have made her happy. Seriously, I can’t fault anyone who believes that because of the obvious lifestyles of many female folk today. But let’s just be honest here, a woman needs much more than that. She wants communication, connection and emotional intimacy. The need to be loved and heard and understood never really goes away. Women will always put aside the clothes and jewelry and shoes and find somewhere to cry if they’re not loved. They will always envy that other woman whose man treats her like gold and not a commodity on a stand. They will always find a way to seek emotional gratification when the finer things leave them feeling empty. Yes, more than you know, the Nigerian woman has a heart.

The biggest complain women have today is that Nigerian men are very unromantic. They face love with the same cutthroat manner they face their businesses. Romantic gestures to them are not necessarily acts of love but prelude to sex. Some of them are so caught up in their manliness and ability to be turned on by a woman and act on it, that they believe it is all it takes to be a man. Well, I hate to burst your bubble (if you’re one of said males) that it takes more than a full dose of testosterone to become what a woman needs. Ever wondered why certain men are easily taken in by the female folk? They steal the hearts of not just the girl with the full curves but the frustrated woman selling soft drinks on a tray, the mother-in-law from hell and even the veiled Muslim sister who cannot look into your eyes without bending her head. They have simply learnt the complex language of the Nigerian woman, who surprisingly does not demand much at the end of the day.

All she wants from a world that has obviously lost it is a genuine man. To put it in our language here, she wants a real man.

Who is a real man? Below, I have defined him in very simple terms.

A Real Man Doesn’t Sweat The Small Stuff

The way guys act when they are confronted with trivial issues is something I have always admired. To them, if it’s not affecting their pockets, stomachs and erogenous zones, why bother? What really is the sense in busting your nuts over something that is total BS. There is nothing wrong with a man expressing his emotions once in a while but when he allows them get the best of his thought process, then his estrogen level needs to be checked. Men enjoy a good laugh any day and at their own expense! You’re as short as M.I, someone pokes at your pot belly, your ex calls you broke ‘cause you didn’t buy her a Peruvian… whatever it is, it’s not worth your sweat.

A Real Man Is A Grown Man

There is nothing as off-putting as a man who just would not grow up. Being a man is all about responsibility. Adam was not given the task of screwing the lesser beings in the garden but of taking care of them. Even if a guy has no one to be responsible for, he should be responsible for himself. Proven, women mature faster than men and it takes a longer time for a man who is age mates with a woman to understand the concepts she has already fully grasped, but that doesn’t mean he should go about his life acting like he’s an overgrown baby. Mature men control their emotions and respect the feelings of others. I hate it when I hear men tell their women that the best cook is their mother and no one else will ever cook like her. That is babytalk. Your mother breastfed you, raised you with her tantalizing meals but now you’re a grown man. It is time to create your own life and swing on your own branch of the tree.

A Real Man Is A Gentleman

Opening doors, pulling out chairs, asking a lady what she wants, giving her a helping hand… these things never grow old. “I no be gentleman at all” should never apply when dealing with a woman. A gentleman is not a weakling; he’s a sensitive, kind and passionate soul wrapped in a rock-solid heart and muscular exterior. He has exquisite taste and proper etiquette. He is in control of his temper and his tongue. He respects his woman and generally everyone else around him. In today’s language, he’s a big boy, and it has nothing to do with his paycheck because a gentleman never shows off how much he’s got. He has high moral values and does not go broadcasting his affairs to anyone.  He is not afraid to bare his heart and can easily let his guard down, knowing it doesn’t mean he’s less in any way. Gentlemen are not stupid. No, they are the wisest of the bunch. Wonder why that that girl behind the counter shouted on Guy A and blushed at Guy B the moment he opened his mouth? It was all in a manner of speaking – literally. He spoke and she was mesmerised by how only a “hello” left her feeling all woman.  Refinement and simple courtesy always score big. And finally, a real gentleman does not give and expect something in return; for the sake of his own self-image, it is simply beneath him to go that low.

A Real Man Is Faithful

Big, strong, reliable. We all know that one. But truth is, we hardly ever see him. He’s most times big and strong but not reliable. He says I will be home by nine but comes back the next day. He promises heaven and earth but he’s hell to live with. A faithful man should be like the sun that rises every morning. To the general populace, especially guys, it’s in a man’s nature to whore around. After all, Solomon had a thousand women and was the world’s wisest. I totally understand that argument but the women were the beginning of Solomon’s foolery and what also ended him, as the Bible told it. For those people who are disillusioned, it is a lot of work to cheat than to stay faithful. So keep it simple and stay with one woman at a time. No one knows what goes around these days. HIV/AIDS is just one of them. Ask the man who found himself dead in a dumpster because he screwed the wrong girl.

A Real Man Has Real Money

Money talks and the poor guy gets the boot. Women love to know that their man can provide their basic needs. I am not even going to start bashing those who buy their women expensive stuff; it’s their own prerogative. If you have it and feel she’s worth it, what’s the big hoo-ha? If you don’t have it but can afford a nice pair of earrings once in a while, why not? The point is, earn a living and save some money so you can invest in your tomorrow and enjoy your today. Real money doesn’t have to be in millions or even hundreds of thousands. Real men with real money are blessed men who use their little or much faithfully, and have no added sorrows.

A Real Man Knows How To Work The V

It is said that a man does not multitask, that once he sets his mind on something, he gives it his full attention until he’s done, so how come he is always in such a hurry when he is making love? What is the rush? It is also said that men love adventure, so why on earth is the woman’s body not a new challenge or a voyage worth undertaking? Seriously, why make so much noise about getting there and when you finally get there, you just want to get off? Thank God for the internet with all the info it gives to help the one minute man. It would be atrocious in this day and age for a guy to fail to satisfy his woman.

A Real Man R-E-S-P-E-C-T-S

I am not talking about respecting the womenfolk. I am talking about a man putting a value on himself and making sure he doesn’t lower it for any female. Yes, you’re a man, you have needs and they have to be met, doesn’t mean you have to go after everything that struts by with a vagina. Set your rules and stick by them. Quit the tactless jokes and inappropriate pick-up lines. Have class. Quit settling. Quit being a pushover. Band wagoners always fall off the track because it’s never easy keeping up with the Joneses. The Joneses know why they are the Joneses and are happy being the Joneses, so what is an Olamide or a Hassan doing in their wagon? There is nothing as attractive as a man who stands out in the crowd. He is always exceptional even when his quirks are obvious. Be confident and lastly, cast not your pearls to the pig or she might turn around and rend you.

A Real Man Takes The Lead

Today, we’re in a civilised age with women taking the roles of men, doing better what men do and generally proving that you don’t need to have an Adam’s apple to be an Adam. But the problem is, if it’s not Panadol, it is not the same thing as panadol. Men who know their place, never give their power away. They might lend it out temporarily but a real man always leads the pack. They do not bully, abuse or manhandle people in their care because being the head sometimes means stooping low to carry others on your shoulders. So my point here is, if you’re in a relationship, be the head, even though, we all know what makes the head turn.

A Real Man Dresses To Impress

Finally, this might sound like the most trivial point but it is equally important. I love that guys can just pick something off the rack or bed and slip into it with no worries over whether it matches their shoes or jeans but what makes that attractive is having a wardrobe that looks classy enough to be casually sexy. I am not referring to men that fight for mirror time, wear their girlfriend’s powder and super-skinny jeans and in the end come out looking like they went through a color-riot, gay makeover. And I am not also referring to those men who still wear baggy jeans, deep v-neck shirts and gold necklaces. The whole idea is looking exquisite and manly, and at the same being comfortable. Women are excused when they feel pain in their dressing but a man’s wardrobe should be unrestricted and easy but stylish. As a guy, you love what you see when a woman dresses to impress you. I think it’s only fair if you make the same effort to impress her back.

 

To wrap it up, a real man, as a said earlier is a real man and he can’t fake it. He is not apologetic for who he is as part of the male species and enjoys his masculinity immensely. He loves sports, hangs out with other guys, does not have too many words in his vocabulary, is not crazy about nurturing, has no idea what it means to multitask and unashamedly appreciates the beauty of the opposite sex whenever they walk by. In conclusion, when he loves his woman, he does so unrepentantly and that is simply what a Nigerian woman needs.

Are you a real man?

 

© Sally