Tag Archives: kiss

It’s Another Novocaine Saturday #3

Hi guys,

I want to say something… I have failed you guys…

By not answering comments as I should…

I feel bad over this…

I am very sorry….

I’ll start doing things right from today.

Thank you.

And for today’s episode…

Kasiobi’s mouth has just gone dry. His hands holding his phone are both unable to move. Lexus’ last message has somehow become the only thing on his phone screen.

-Yours, Kas. She’s your baby.

His mouth gets drier.

“Kas, what’s going on?” Kira questions but her voice seems to him like it’s coming from outer space. He has no idea what she just said. Everything else apart from the message ceases to be relevant.


He feels a little pain on his arm and comes to.

“Talk to me or I’ll pinch you again,” Kira threatens.

“Excuse me, abeg.”

He pushes her away and gets off the bed. He makes his way out of his bedroom to his studio, a lot of questions driving him there in haste. When he gets in, he slips into the dark voicing booth and sits on the bare floor. Saliva returns to his mouth in a rush as he gathers his wits from the breaking news.

He sends Lexus a reply.

-You were pregnant?

Her answer to his question comes back immediately.

-It was why we broke up, Kas. I’m so sorry

-So sorry?

Anger starts to grow in him.

-Please let me explain

And so she gives him details. She tells him the baby’s name is Trinity, amongst other things. At the end of her tale, Kasiobi draws in a long breath and lets it out to shake off his nerves. He is not taking the story in well. He believes he is being pranked.

-Stop playing with me, Lex. Just come clean

The message is delivered and he waits for her reply, but what he gets is a video – a close-up shot of the baby’s face, her mouth latched to a nipple as she is being breastfed. Kasiobi can hear Lexus’ voice in the background, telling the baby how angelic she is and how her daddy is going to be head over heels in love with her.

Another message from Lexus drops.

-Convinced now? I have more of these. Wanna see?


She sends four pictures of her breasts taken at different angles; none of them has her nursing Trinity. All the same, Kasiobi notices the breasts are fuller but he is irate by her pranks.

-Are you alright?


She sends videos of Trinity. Two of them. And by the time he is through watching them, all his doubts are cleared. Replacing the shock is a new feeling of fondness for Trinity and respect for Lexus.

-When are you telling your dad?

-Tomorrow morning but I’m freaking out Kas. He’ll lose it. Remember how he warned us before we traveled not to get pregnant

-Yeah but there’s nothing anyone can do now. We just have to tell him

-We? He’ll kill you Kas. Don’t come near my house for the next week abeg. I love you too much to watch Dominic fuck you up

-You love me? TF is that?




-Bitch, don’t play me. You got preggers, dumped my ass, went to stay with a white boy, had a whole baby without telling me and you’re here talking shit about love. TF is wrong with you

-Nigga it’s not that deep whatsapp2

-It’s not that deep? You had a whole baby, Lex. You, of all people! You breastfed and shit and didn’t tell me and you’re here talking crap about it not being that deep? You high or something



-You need serious ass whooping

-On which ass? This one?


-Stop playing. When am I going to see Trinity? By the way, I don’t think she’s mine

-Then do a DNA oga. I’m not even gon get into any crazy drama with you, Kasbi. She’s your kid.

Kasiobi takes a short break from the chat, letting it all sink in. His emotions come to him in a mix. He’s uncertain of what to feel.

-Tell me more about Trinity

-You can call her Trini, Kas. Trinity is too long

-But you named her that

Blame the nurse who enters my room with this huge ass crucifix hanging off her neck and tells me that they need a name on the baby’s birth certificate. I ask her why she can’t just use Baby Ditorusin. She says she just can’t. I have to give her a name. So I’m staring into the air and my eyes catch her crucifix and I think of the holy trinity and I tell her that I’m calling my baby Trinity

-Are you ok???

-It will make daddy happy and it’s a good name. Hopefully she doesn’t get the generational curse of getting preg outside marriage because God the father, the son and the Holy Spirit are with her

-Smh. Just tell me about her

-Let’s meet and talk


-Just come and pick me

An hour later they are both watching the waves of the Atlantic lap at the shore of a quiet beach they both call Fuck Zone. The place is famous for car sex. People drive there simply to have sex in their cars. Some, with the windows up while some enjoy the thrill of being watched. No one bugs anyone. Not even robbers drop by. Once you pay the touts manning the area a fee of five hundred bucks, you’re allowed through to do as you wish.

Thus Kasiobi and Lexus sit in Kasiobi’s Renegade, feet hanging out as Lexus smokes a joint. Her first since she left Nigeria. She had made a promise to Dominic not to touch the substance while in the States. Now she is back home and on her favorite high. Kasiobi, on the other hand, is nursing a bottle of Hennessey mixed with a coke. They are listening to Bryson Tiller on the SUV’s speakers. Kasiobi is anxious to get more information about Trinity but he waits until Lexus is done smoking.

She steps down from the car and stands before him like she is about to render a performance of some sort. He figures she is high.

She begins: “On why I broke up with you…”

Kasiobi raises his hand to stop her. “That’s not why I’m here.”

“Please, Kas. Let me explain.”

“What’s there to explain? You woke up one day and decided we were done and then you moved on to Russell or whatever his white ass name is.”

“That’s your own version. Don’t you wanna hear mine?”

“No, Lex. I came here to hear about the baby.”

“Fine. Trinity is yours…”

“You already said that,” Kasiobi replies gruffly, lifting the Hennessy bottle to his mouth.

“But she’s not mine.”

Kasiobi’s hand freezes.

“She’s Chichi’s.”

Kasiobi lets the bottle down in slow motion. He turns down the volume of the music.

“What kind of nonsense play is that, Tonbra? Which Chichi?”

“Which other Chichi do you know?”

“So the baby is not yours?”

She laughs – long and annoyingly.

“Me, a mom? Are you out of your freaking mind? I’m not having kids! Ever! Who wants that type of yeye responsibility?”

“So all the shit you were telling me on Whatsapp…”

“Just pulling your legs, Kas.”

“But your boobs are bigger.”

“Somebody cannot even add weight again?”

“I hate you. I really hate you.”

She blows him a kiss.

“Someone needs to choke you almost to death.”

She crosses her arms. “So, apparently, when you left New York at the start of summer last year, you came back here and started piping Chichi?”

“So? She was my ex. I was heartbroken. She was there for me. We had sex but I am not the father of that child.”

“Kas, Trinity is yours. She has your ears and pink lips.”

“All babies have pink lips!”

“Calm down.”

“Where did you even see Chichi? She’s in South Africa! And last I checked you guys weren’t talking to each other.”

“When Chichi was five months pregnant, she sent me a DM on Twitter, telling me how you guys hooked up again when you came back and then she had to leave because her mom was sick. Two months later, she discovered she was pregnant. She freaked out and tried to abort it but her mom told her she had a dream in which she saw her bleeding to death. So, she said she called you and told you but you denied…”

“Why won’t I deny? Chichi and I went bare only once and then she told me she took a morning-after pill only to call me two months later to say she was pregnant, that the pill didn’t work. What sort of nonsense joke is that? Am I a fool? Chichi that can sleep with anything. Abeg, nobody should bring that bullshit my way.”

“Anyways, I felt for her, asked her to send me her number. She did. I called her. She was crying on the phone, saying you blocked her on social media and you were refusing to take her calls. She even called Genesis but Genesis said it was not her business.”

“She was rude to Genesis before she left. The woman fired her ass from Novo.”

“She said so. Anyways, three weeks ago Russell and I flew to South Africa for their SA menswear fashion week. I didn’t feel like going but I was curious to see Trinity. So, I went to Durban, to Chichi’s and spent a whole day with her family. Chichi has changed, Kas. Motherhood changed her and that’s because Trinity is adorbs! The cutest, little baby. I took loads of videos. She makes me want to have my own babies.”

Kasiobi washes down a bad taste in his mouth with his drink.

“I know you don’t believe she’s yours but trust me, Kas, you’re her daddy. The first time I saw her, I was looking at a smaller version of you.”

“She’s not my kid, Lexus. What the fuck is wrong with you? Chichi is a ho!”

Was a ho. She’s changed. She even goes to church now.”

Kasiobi snorts. “You don’t know that girl. And I’m mad that she’s using you to get to me.”

“Just fucking do a DNA, dude. She’s flying in soon with Trini. You guys can do a DNA so you can rest.”

“You think it’s that easy? That I’d just do a DNA and the kid is mine and things go chill? Do you know that once you’re a parent you can’t undo it? There’s no going back?”

“Then you should have had protected sex.”

“We went bare only once! And she was supposed to take care of herself!”

“Well, it takes two to make a baby and you did your part well. Get over it.”

Kasiobi raises the volume of the music once again. His mood is not lifted and the liquor does not make him feel any better. He corks the bottle and dumps it on the backseat. When he lifts his head, he catches Lexus yawning, her arms stretched out under the full moon, lifting her t-shirt to reveal a body he had missed. Kasiobi eyes rests on her navel briefly before they travel up to her breasts which are not held in a bra.

She returns to the SUV. Quietness takes over. A moaning woman lends her voice to the night as the waves provide background music to her pleasure. Kasiobi feels some kind of calm settling in.

“Russell was not my boyfriend,” Lexus reveals. Kasiobi looks at her. “We never fucked. You were the last guy I laid with. Russ and I were just friends.”

“He was all over your Facebook and gram.”

“He was in love. I wasn’t. I was still all about you.”

“Why did you leave?” Kasiobi asks.

“Kas… I turned twenty-seven and reality hit hard. All my friends were getting married or having babies and I didn’t want that. Not then. Not now. Not ever. But you were there, making me breakfast in bed, talking about how many kids you wanted, asking if I’d like a diamond ring… We wanted two different things, Kas. You just automatically assumed that because we had something deep going on, that I wanted to commit and that I wanted the same things you wanted…”

“Then why didn’t you say that?”

“I did. So many times but you thought I was playing. And so I had to leave. I didn’t want to lead you on or get to the point where I was forced into wearing a wedding dress. It was the hardest decision to take, Kas. In many ways, I regret it but at that time, I just had to leave.”

“Your dad is right about you. You’re spoilt, selfish and impulsive. Why are you back sef? To torture me again?”

“To build my life, Kas. My tattoo parlor needs to really kick off and I want to do something huge with my art. Diversify. Maybe go into fashion or anything that needs designing. I’m not so sure. But I’m tired of America, abeg.”

“After breaking Russell’s heart.”

“I was not his girlfriend like that.”

“So what do you want from me?”

“Nothing. Just you and me as friends like we used to be.”

Kasiobi cackles. “Yeah, good luck with that.”

He climbs down and makes to walk to the driver’s side of the SUV but Lexus stops him.

“I’ll drive. You’re tipsy.”

He hesitates for a second and then gives in. She takes the wheel while he sprawls on the backseat, head on one end, feet resting on the other.

∞∞∞ ∞∞∞ ∞∞∞

Vhasti wakes him up, all four limbs doing a catwalk on his body. He’s thinking to himself as he stirs awake that one of these days he’s going to kill the cat.

He picks her up by her neck and flings her off the bed, across the room. She whines angrily before scuttling away. His eyes open fully, colors of grey and claret, mixed with a deep shade of brown that seems almost black, come to him intrusively. The scent of Genesis’ mild perfume caresses his nostrils and he immediately longs for her, noting he is alone on the bed. Their fight from yesterday carries on, no doubt, and he knows it falls on him to make amends.

She had slept beside him the night before, Zoe in her arms. Zach who is a lot different from his twin can sleep well in his cot without any fuss. But Zoe is different. She still enjoys being breastfed and sometimes nuzzles in Genesis’ arms before she sleeps. Last night she had kept them both awake and slept only after Genesis sang to her, much to Dominic’s annoyance. But he had dared not complain because Genesis’ wrath was waiting in a corner, ready to be unleashed. This morning, he hopes it is all expired.

He leaves the bed to the bathroom, and after washing his mouth, he walks back to the room and out to the balcony where breakfast is laid on a table and Genesis sits staring out, wearing only his shirt.

He takes it as a good sign as he bends to give her a kiss. The cold feel of her cheek beneath his warm lips reminds him that she is still mad at him.

“Coffee or tea?” She regards him with silent eyes. He sits.

“Tea.” He yawns.

She lifts one of two silver kettles off the table and pours him a full mug of coffee. He pretends not to notice.

“Sugar or honey?”


She tips in honey.

“Milk or cream?”

“Whatever you want.”

She adds nothing and passes him the mug.


“There’s toast bread I made. It has cheese and egg in it with slices of sausage.”

“No, I’m good.”

She pushes a saucer of the said toast towards him. He knows better than to reject it.


As he takes his first sip of coffee, he keeps his stare on her. Netted hair, face free of makeup, passive-aggressive, she presents an un-screwable-with exterior. The moment passes by in quietness and then she speaks.

“Don’t ever call me names again, Nick. I’m not that type of girl. Don’t do it. Ever. Give me the same respect I give you.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

She rises up. He smiles. He loves this side of her and relates better with it than the side that cries and throws tantrums. But she won’t be Genesis if she doesn’t switch from diva to boss lady at caprice. It is what keeps her employees on their toes.

He takes her hand as she makes to leave.

“Let’s go somewhere today. To Seyi’s place. Back to that bedroom where we first made love as husband and wife. You remember.”

Warmth clouds her eyes briefly.

“To what gain? You’ll disappear tomorrow to some end of the earth. Why bother?”

Dominic pulls her onto his laps.

“We can recreate that night. No kids. No work. Just Mr. and Mrs. Ditorusin.”

“Tempting, but no thank you.”

She tries to remove his hands from her body but fails.

“You do this every time – come home, wow me with gifts and great sex and while I’m still recovering from the magic, you disappear. I feel like I don’t own you, Nick, and I don’t think I ever will. No one can. I’m beginning to understand that.”

She manages to free herself and gets back on her feet.

“I’ll be waiting at Seyi’s this evening,” he says. “Please, come.”

Genesis walks to the door.

“Nice ass, by the way,” he compliments. She stops and turns. He doesn’t look at her as he picks the day’s newspaper off the table.

Later on, after the fight is settled over angry sex in his study, Genesis tells him she is making plans to bring Mamisi to come live with them. The reaction to this is a cutting glower from him.

“Can you repeat yourself?”

“Mamisi is well now. She’s out of her catatonia and can communicate as well as she used to. I don’t want to take her to a retirement home, Nick. She deserves more.”

“She deserves nothing.” Dominic’s husky tone comes with a sting. “I wonder why she didn’t even die.”


“She is not coming here. Period.”

“Nick, she’s my mother. She raised me when I had no one and took me to the best schools…”

“She taught you how to sleep with other people’s men and then bring them to nothing. Have you forgotten? This same woman arranged five men to rape you and sat there watching the whole ordeal. She is not your mother and she is not welcome into this house.”

“She has nobody, Domi. Nancy is no longer in the country. All she has is me and I think I owe her that much.”

As Genesis speaks, Dominic pours himself a stiff glass of whiskey.

“And I think she has changed after her ordeal. She lost everything.”

Dominic leans on his work desk and turns his eye on his wife.

“Please, Nick. I know how you feel about her and I know you think I’m being weak… but my conscience won’t let me rest if I send her to some old people’s home when she’s full of life.”

Dominic ponders on the situation. Genesis is still oblivious of the fact that Mamisi is her biological mother. He fears that the old woman would let that cat out of the bag if Genesis threatens to cut her loose. He also understands where Genesis is coming from. She alone had paid Mamisi’s hospital bills during her nineteen-month stay in a mental institution. She alone visited her every Saturday, judiciously, throughout the woman’s stay there. Dominic understands how difficult it would be to sever that relationship. But what he doesn’t understand is why it has to become part of his life too.

“That woman is soulless, Gen, and to have her here with the kids worries me.”

“Me too. And that’s why I want to suggest that we put her in the guest house, upstairs.”

Dominic shut his eyes. “Please, don’t do this, Gen. Don’t do this.”


“Okay, we’ll do it this way. I will rent her a house close by and get a maid for her and you can see her as often as you want. Is that okay?”

Silence meets his suggestion. He opens his eyes and sees a sad Genesis.

“That’s the most I can do, sweet cakes.”


He drops his glass of Johnny Walker. “Come here.”

Genesis walks over to him and he holds her in a sheltered embrace.

“Your good heart will get you in trouble, baby,” he whispers. “Sometimes you just have to be a coldhearted bitch.”

She smiles.

“But you’ll learn. You’ll learn soon.”

∞∞∞ ∞∞∞ ∞∞∞

This is one of those days when I don’t feel like going to work. Owing to the way the weather has been since the month before, it has become increasingly difficult to leave my bed at mornings. I’d rather sleep in for an extra hour or two but sadly, I don’t have that luxury. Not when the breadwinning role falls on me.

I start my hustle as early as five in the morning and it doesn’t end for me until I get home in the evening, many times, to no food and a messy house. And then it falls on me to prepare dinner and clean up the place, also attending to a toddler, who, having missed me all day, clings to me butter to bread. I am always left exhausted, falling to bed like deadweight until my alarm sounds the next morning and I start the hustle all over again.

I am losing my youth fast. Just the other day, I saw a line breaking on the side of my nose and threatening to go down the side of my mouth. Actually it was Peace who noticed it. She had held my chin and turned my face this way and that and said to me, “Celia, you’re having worry lines. What’s wrong?”

I had laughed, making her look silly with her assertions. But what was I supposed to do? Tell her that I’m both the woman and man in my home? That Shady is not on his way to superstardom and sits about the house in his boxers doing nothing? That we’re relying on my salary alone to take care of us? That I’m on the verge of losing my mind from the suffering?

No, I can’t tell her these things. I just can’t. The façade must continue. Shady’s face must be saved. We must give the impression that all is well with us. We must not let our friends know.

Those had been Shady’s words, actually, not mine, on the day he sat me down and told me that his huge acting break was never going to be as the show was canceled even before it started because the Nigerian crew had squandered a huge sum and were being sued by the producers.

“I have nothing, Cee.” My husband’s voice had been barely a whisper. “I quit my job and I have nothing.”

I had hushed him, told him to stop being pessimistic, told him something bigger was coming. But he laughed and repeated, “I’ve lost everything.”

And I didn’t understand what he meant until months passed and I watched him sit about on the couch all day and all night, doing nothing. Only then did I realize that he had lost his will to do anything. And for me, I had lost the Shady I used to know.

I don’t need to tell you what it means to have a man whose pride is bruised, whose manhood has been robbed of him. And I’ll spare you the ordeal I go through daily to ensure that I keep sane and not wake up one day to set the house on fire with him in it. My job is all the distraction I need but at the same time, it is killing me.

I mumble a prayer as I leave the bed. The bedroom is a mess, of course. Later on, while at work, I will text Shady to help me clean up, praying he catches the mood to do so.

I get into the bathroom and while I shower, I decide that I’ll go see Mary today to borrow some money so I can pay the rent. We’re six months behind and the landlord, who lives next door, isn’t smiling anymore. I am yet to think up a lie to tell Mary when I ask for the money. I’m considering just opening up and telling her the truth. Lord knows I’m tired of lying. Maybe if all our friends know that Shady has been jobless since November, they can all come up with ways to help him. I’m tired of nursing his lazy behind and ego.

When I step out of the shower, I go to the sitting room and without thinking it through, I put a call across to Mary. It’s still dark outside. My landlord’s chicken is crowing.

“Hello?” Mary answers, and only then do I realize I had called too early.

“May, I’m so sorry for waking you up.”

“That’s okay, Cee. I’m wide awake,” she says and chuckles. In the background I hear Ekene’s laugh as well. I instantly know I have interrupted an intimate session. I feel a sting of jealousy. Life is unfair. Mary and Ekene, much like Jide and Honey have everything – the money and the love. But I pine away here, unable to even afford my next salon visit. And sex…let’s not even broach that topic. Shady, amongst other things, has lost his erection as well. I have been in a sexless marriage for months.

“What can I do you for?” Mary asks before bursting out laughing. Ekene’s voice is louder this time. I hear something like a spank and then Mary squeals.

“Cee, can I call you later? I’m kind of in the middle of something here.”

I want to tell her my reason for calling, that I want to see her later in the day but I think against it.

“Okay. Take care.”


She is off with another giggle. I put my phone away and stare into the dark, feeling tears in my eyes.

“God, for how long?”

I am too weak to pray these days. What do I even pray for? I feel the little strength I have leaving me. I’m no longer the Celia everyone knows. When last did I throw a party or go shopping for underwear or even pay my tithe? In fact, when last did I genuinely smile?

Sobs shake my thin frame and I let it out, knowing I must brace up in a few minutes and embark on another monotonous day. I don’t even have the luxury to cry properly anymore.

“Lord, please give me something new and different today. I’m tired of this life I’m living.”

I stop the tears midstream and dress up for work. I take the bus. The car has issues. It’s somewhat of a miracle that it was able to take us to the Onuoras’ home and back yesterday. I am thinking of selling it but Shady has warned me not to try it. The car, like his fancy clothes, helps put up the impression that all is still well with him.

I arrive at the office to smiley faces from energetic colleagues. Somehow when you’re down in a financial rot, it seems like all is well with the world except you.

“Oga is asking of you,” one of my colleagues informs me.

“Any problem?” I ask, putting my handbag down.

“No. He just poked in his head a few minutes ago and asked of you. Says you should see him once you get in.”

I straighten out my jacket and head straight to my boss’ office, following a long corridor that has walls which appear to be closing in on me. I have often thought about this – if it’s my imagination or if the corridor is too narrow. I am yet to ask anyone if they feel the same way about it.

“Come in,” my boss answers to my gentle rap on his door.

I walk in.

“Morning to you too, Cecelia.”

I smile. There’s something calming about this man. Forget the fact that he is so fat he probably hasn’t seen his toes or penis in years. Forget that he blinks forty-two times (yes, I counted) in one minute. Forget that he has bouts of rage that come from nowhere. Forget all of that and you have the coolest boss in the world who answers to greetings not thrown at him and calls his employees by modified versions of their names.

“Morning, sir.”

“I’m good. And you?”


I make to sit but he asks me to remain standing.

“And that’s because you will be on your way to see Mrs. Charles. Clearly, she was impressed by your first visit and is asking of you.”

At the mention of the name ‘Mrs. Charles’ the image of a young woman in her mid or late thirties or even early forties comes to mind. One can’t really tell how old she is, considering the fact that she takes good care of herself. She reminds me of Genesis Ditorusin, only less glamorous but not lacking in refinement.

However, there’s something strange about her. I just can’t figure it out yet.

“Her driver is already waiting outside to pick you up. She’s up to an early start today and requests to see you this morning.”

“Okay, sir.”

“Please, do everything to impress her the second time, Cecelia. She’s paying big for our services.”

“Of course, sir.”

“Go slay.”

I laugh. This man has jokes for life. Which one is go slay again?

I leave his office, elated that I don’t have to sit behind my desk or hound potential clients with phone calls. Sometimes the job of a financial consultant is easy. Other times, it’s not so much fun.

I step outside the office building. An expensive-looking SUV is parked away from the other vehicles and by intuition I walk to it.

“I’m here for Mrs. Charles?” I say to a sleepy man behind the wheel. He jolts up and bows his head in a greeting.

“Mrs. Celia?” he asks.

I nod. He steps down, goes round and opens the backdoor for me. I enter the luxurious vehicle and soon we’re on our way to see Mrs. Charles. It’s a long drive, one in which I fall asleep. When I wake, we are driving into a compound that takes the breath right out of me. I feel like I have been taken from the streets of Lagos to a dream that stands grand and white with greenery and flowers that could have only be cultivated by a horticulturist suffering from OCD. It’s all too perfect and intimidating and beautiful at the same time.

The driver leads me into the house through a huge glass door I am sure costs as much as my rent. I find myself taken into a cozy den with a little too many couches that have rich fabrics giving off an overall feminine feel. There’s a collection of black and white art and an extensive assemblage of books on shelves that line two walls. The colors are a range of brown and mellow beige, made diffuse with dim lighting coming from wall lamps.

I am asked to make myself comfortable and I do so, waiting for Mrs. Charles. She walks in after a short while, tall and fair, with long braids falling all over the place. The scent of her perfume spells money. But she comes to me, all smiles as if I am an old friend.

“Hello, sweetie.”

I am given a hug and a wet peck on just one cheek.

“How are you?” she asks, some foreign accent present. Can’t tell which.

“I’m good, ma.”

“Ma?” she puts her hand to her chest and laughs. “I’m not that old, baby. Call me Naomi, with a ‘Nay’ not ‘Nah’.”


“So, have you had breakfast?” she asks, walking away from me. “Follow me, Celia.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Great. Breakfast is already served.”

She takes me out of the cozy room and up a staircase that brings us to a large empty room with white walls and huge double doors. Naomi throws open the doors and to my surprise, I see a body of water below us. Breakfast is a rich meal of all sorts on a table laid out on a terrace overlooking a lagoon and most of Lagos Island. The sight is amazing.

“Sit down, hon.”

She takes a chair that is wooden except for the all-white cushions resting on it. She stretches out as I settle into the second chair. She is backing the view but I can see it all and I am wondering how much the house itself costs.

Naomi engages me in mild conversation about everything and then finally touches down on the topic of husbands. Her voice mellows at this point and then she stops, asking if she can trust me.

I nod.

She goes ahead to tell me how her husband does not remember she exists.

“I can’t recall when last we had sex. I stopped counting when we went past a year.”

She breaks from chewing a slice of apple.

“It’s like I don’t exist. You don’t know how hard that can be. To have a man constantly around you but you can’t have him.”

I relate to this, I blurt out. Her brows perk up.

“How so?”

I hesitate a little but I can’t hold back now. I need someone to unburden to. And so I tell her everything, my tale coming in tears I have not had the luxury of letting out. Naomi comes to me and lends me her shoulder. It is comforting, as is her hand on my back. When I’m done crying, she suggests we should spend the day at the spa.

“I’m sorry, Naomi. I must go back to work.”

“Work? How do you people do that boring thing?”

“Well, we must survive.”

“Work, work, work, work, work, work,” she sings in a not-so Rihanna tone. I laugh. “It’s all nonsense! Trust me. You need to get your own thing going on, bae. Give me a minute.”

She picks her phone from the table and calls my boss right in front of me, telling him she has hijacked me for the day. They talk for some more minutes and then she hangs up.

“Let’s hit the town, baby.” She winks.

We’re on the road, she behind the wheel, me listening to Melissa Etheridge on the car’s speakers. Mind you, we’re not in the same vehicle that picked me from the party. This is a Bentley—luxurious and girlish—chosen out of a collection of seven cars. Naomi first takes me shopping, calling it retail therapy. She doesn’t buy me much, just a change of clothes out of my office attire. She then drives me to Tirta Ayu Spa in Lekki, a place Noka always talks about. We are given first class treatment, the whole works, something I have never experienced before. It leaves me feeling crisp, refreshed and beautiful.


After that we have lunch at Bangkok Restaurant not far away. At this point, I tell Naomi I have to call it a day.

She opens her handbag and takes out an envelope.

“This should help you solve some of your financial issues.”

“Naomi, you don’t have to…”

“Shh. Just take it.”


“Celia, please accept it.”

She clasps my hands around the envelope.

“Don’t open it yet.”

“Okay. Thank you so much.”

She looks into my eyes. “You’re welcome.”

“So, take care,” I tell her, “and I’ll call you tomorrow to know how far on your decision on which brokerage firm you decide to go with and then I’ll also guide you how you can get the best out of them.”

She nods absentmindedly. I doubt that she has heard anything I just said.


I go for the door handle but I feel her fingers around my neck and before I realize what is going on, Naomi’s lips are on mine.

Shock. Total shock. Earth-shattering shock. Shock that makes you want to slap yourself a few times to wake up shock.

I pull away. “Wh-wh-what the hell was that?”

She returns to her seat, patting her lips as if she is the one that has just been assaulted.

“I like you, Celia.”

“You’re a lesbian?”

“No. I don’t know… I just know I had to kiss you. I’m not a lesbian. I’ve never been with a woman before. I just…I really like you, Cee.”

“Don’t call me Cee!” I shout.

“Please, keep your voice low. I hate when someone shouts on me.”

“Then don’t call me Cee or ever put your lips on me again!”

She nods. “I’m sorry.”

“So this was what this whole day was about?”


“And this envelope too?”

“No, Celia. The thing is I hardly have friends. The few I have, it’s either they have slept with my husband or are planning to or they just don’t really like me.”

“Yeah, I can see why.”

“No, no, no, please don’t think of me as this crazy person. I liked you the first time and then again today, I just sort of fell for you…”

“You know what? Take your envelope and it’s goodbye from me. Our business relationship is over.”

She picks the envelope I have flung at her and pushes it into my handbag. “Forget the kiss. You need this. Please, take care of your family. Please.”

I almost burst into tears, realizing how desperately I need whatever it is she is giving me. I really need it. And I hate that I really need it.

I pick my handbag and open the door.

“Bye, Celia.”

I catch moistness in her eyes as I leave and also the look of warmth. I shut the door. There’s a keke passing by. I quickly hail it and it stops a few feet ahead of me. I hurry to it.

“Eko Hotel roundabout,” I say. The keke rider nods. I hop in. Naomi’s Bentley zooms past.

As the keke continues its journey, I take out the envelope and to my shock I find bills of hundred dollars, all thirty of them.

My heart misses its rhythm. I take out the money, shield it with my bag and count again, slower this time – and nothing changes. Three thousand dollars. I quickly get out my phone and calculate how much this amounts to in Naira. The figure I get can pay my rent twice and leave me with change.

I sit in silence, robbed of reasonable thought. I remain that way until I get home. Shady is sitting in his boxers as usual, holding our daughter who has just returned from daycare. I walk past him, uttering a sparse greeting. The smell and state of my house suddenly irritates me having tasted the luxury of Naomi’s home and the spa.

“Did you go to work dressed like this?” I hear Shady ask. I don’t give him a reply. I enter our bedroom and take the money out one more time. It is still the same.

I exhale. How can a fellow woman give me this much money?

I hear my phone ring in my handbag. I take it out. Naomi is calling, of course. I put the phone away. It rings on until it stops. Next, an SMS comes in. I open it. As I suspect, it’s from her.

I’m actually not sorry for the kiss, Cee. I enjoyed it and I’m looking forward to more. Please don’t say no. I’ll take care of you better than any man can. And that money, it’s chicken change. There’s more where that is from. Please, think about it, bae.

I fall back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Lord, when I said I wanted something new and different today, I didn’t mean this. Please, take away this temptation.

I close my eyes, clutching the dollars. The kiss lingers.


Images: psychologybenefits.orgbombshellssonly.tumblr.com, tirtaayuspa.ng


It’s Another Saturday…#7

Because this is Another Saturday, I’m posting this. I don’t want it to come tomorrow.
Please comment and share, and help me wish my baby Kayla a happy birthday. It’s her birthday tomorrow, the 5th. I want to save your messages for her.
Have a blissful night and wonderful weekend ahead!

The One He Kissed

When Honey told me she could handle my friends, I had laughed in my head because I underestimated her. But now, sitting here and watching her, I can see that she is doing just what she said she would – effortlessly. Using that powerful mechanism called attraction.

The men literally are cross-eyed as she engages them in conversation. Watching her touch on every topic of discussion without acting all-conversant, and at the same time, showing she is knowledgeable enough, leaves me in awe. It is a skill she has mastered fine, the way she makes every person feel like they’re important in the conversation. It’s all in her physical and verbal expressions; peppered by that endearing manner in which she twirls the tip of a lone braid that has fallen across her shoulder from behind her left ear. Pure sex appeal!

I sit back like a boss with my glass of Bacardi and coke and watch her with smugness as she charms the pants off my friends. They are all giving me that look like ‘where did you get this babe from?’ Earlier Shady had pulled me aside to ask for details but the answer I gave him was vague because I knew he was only being Celia’s messenger.

And Celia…hmmm…

Her and her crew have regrouped in the kitchen under the guise of fixing up the small chops but I know they are poisoning the darts they plan to fire at Honey.

Oddly, they have left Mary behind. And now she vacates her chair to join me on the three-sitter Honey and I are sharing. I have a feeling the extra space has been hers all along. For a while she acts like she’s interested in the topic the guys are discussing but deftly, she arrests my attention with a single line.

“She’s beautiful.”

I turn. “Who?”

“Honey. She’s beautiful.”

I don’t look at Honey. I admire Mary instead, from head to toe. “So are you.”

She pulls at her short gown.

“I’ve always told you to dress like this and you’ve always said it was slutty. What happened today? Who’s the lucky guy you’re doing it for? Is he coming?”

“Lucky guy keh. I don’t need a man to look sexy. I can do bad all by myself.”

I laugh in a low tone. She has just used my line. “Have fun with your vibrator tonight, then.”

She hits me playfully and Honey gets distracted from her gist as she gives us a glance. She turns back immediately, to continue listening to Reno blab about his recent visit to Germany where he went to view the concentration camps.

“That was how you didn’t come for the wedding yesterday,” Mary speaks.

“Sorry about that.”

“You were with Honey?”


“How come you didn’t talk about her last Sunday when you were with me or even on Friday when I came to your office and literally spent the whole day?”

“Um…slipped my mind.”

“So you had your own girlfriend but you went and slept with Mex’s own?”

I put a finger to my lips to hush her.

“She doesn’t know abi?”

“No one knows,” I say inaudibly, “now shut up.”

Mary seems upset. She opens her mouth to continue her interrogation but Celia and her horde emerge from the kitchen, trays of small chops in their hands.

“Food! Finally!” I exclaim and spring up to help Celia with the tray in her hand. She wouldn’t let me, as she places it on the center table. Then she takes my hand and leads me back into the kitchen.

“Jide, tell the truth and shame the devil.”

“I solemnly swear to,” I reply, placing my hand on my chest.

“That chick is not your girlfriend.”

I lift my lips in a smile.

“I know Shady called you and told you what happened at the wedding yesterday and you decided to crop this girl up from nowhere so you can foil our plans to hook you up with Mary.”

“Whoa! Slow down. Wait…what?”

I marvel at my own acting skill at times. For a man who beds a lot of women, you just have to learn a little theater.

But Celia is not fooled.


“Yes, sweetheart.” I try charm. Smartness can’t help me out this time. “I…”

She pauses. My charm is working. I press on. “Have I told you I like your hair? The curls are perfect on you.”

She angles her head in the direction of the sitting room. “Shady, your friend is hitting on me!”

“Kick his balls!” Shady replies.

“As I was saying,” she continues.

“No, I was saying,” I interrupt. “Repeat that part about hooking me up with Mary. That was what you guys planned yesterday in my absence? Have you all gone crazy?”

“Nope. Two of you fit each other.”

“How? Mary’s like a sister to me.”

“Well, brothers don’t kiss their sisters.”

“It was a harmless kiss, Celia. There was nothing to it.”

“Not according to Mary.”

“Look, Cee, Honey is my girlfriend and please, no matter what you do, try not to bring this whole kissing Mary incidence up this night. It will break her heart.”

“Jide, you’re still looking into my eyes and lying like this.”

“I am not.”

“Well, since you won’t tell the truth, I’ll get it from her myself.”

Celia begins to walk away but I stop her. “How?”

Her eyes twinkle and I see little demons dancing in them. “She’s going to be on the barstool.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“It’s tradition, Jide. Every wife-to-be must go on our barstool.”

“I never said anything about wife here.”

“Jide, you know it’s tradition. We have weaned out terrible girlfriends and boyfriends in the past using this stool. If Honey is the one for you, we’ll know this night.”

Didn’t I tell you about Celia and her bag of tricks? Now she has come up with this barstool trash and there’s nothing I can do about it, unless I want to get angry and walk out on all of them, which would be hypocritical since I’ve watched others face humiliation on the stool without doing anything to help them.

“Relax. It’s just a few innocent questions.” Celia giggles like a little rat.

I narrow my eyes at her. “Play nice.”

“Don’t worry, luv. Your Honey’s in safe hands.”

Celia heads back to the sitting room and I stand, watching her walk with swag in her steps. The mischief in the woman is getting out of hand. I wonder how Shady copes with her.

I join them in the sitting room. My former space has been occupied by Bimpe, Bright’s wife. I pick a plastic chair by the corner and try to join the hearty conversation they’re having about Game of Thrones. I have forgotten how my friends are so close-knit, that they and their wives watch the same movies and series. I leave a mental warning not to let my future missus be part of the gang.


An hour or so passes. Finger foods and alcohol have made their rounds. Everyone is in a chirpy mood now, apart from me. I pretend everything is fine but I’m dreading the moment Celia puts Honey in her hot seat. So far Honey has handled the air around her coolly. Can she take the heat that’s about to come?

From across the room, I catch her eye. She smiles; I wink without meaning to. It’s a hereditary glitch that occurs every now and then.

“Aww,” Peace, Reno’s wife coos with dove-like eyes.

“What is it?” Ajonoka asks.

“I just caught Jide winking at Honey,” Peace replies. “So romantic.”

The other women give her a look. It is not outwardly reprimanding but she gets the message that she’s not supposed to swing the way she just did. She sighs. Just like her name, she’s a peaceful soul, Holy Ghost sister, always head-in-the-clouds. It’s a shame she’s married to a serial cheat.

Pressed from all that drinking, I excuse myself to the restroom. When I return, I see that the food has been done away with and Ojonoka is now entertaining them with a sexy dance for her husband, Ibro. It’s nothing new to watch. Noka, knowing her competition is Ibro’s only true love, always does her best to keep him constantly attracted to her. Of all the women present, she is the most stylishly dressed but she pales in elegance when compared to Honey. That one has stolen the heart of every man present, mine inclusive.

Noka completes her dance and she gets applause. Her husband gives her a kiss, pulling her to sit on his laps. Celia disappears and returns with the scandalous barstool, which she places in the center of the room.

“Who’s going on the stool?” Shady asks. No one replies; he gets the message himself. He looks at me. I shrug.

“Okay,” Celia speaks up. “First of all, I want to welcome Honey to my humble, little house once more.”

“Thank you,” Honey replies.

“You must forgive us if we acted really shocked when Jide introduced you as his girlfriend. The thing is we’re his closest friends and he never told us anything about you. But you’re still welcome.”

“Very much so,” Reno quips.

“However, to be fully accepted as one of us—as you can see we’re practically family—you have to sit on our barstool.”

Honey stares at the stool. “Okay.”

“And we’ll ask you some personal questions.”

“Personal?” Honey scratches the side of her nose. “How personal?”

“Nothing that you can’t handle, sweetie,” Bimpe assures.

“Yeah, simple questions,” Noka adds.

“You’re game?” Celia asks Honey.


Everyone cheers. Bimpe takes it upon herself to lead her to the stool. “If you don’t want to answer any question, you simply say pass…”

“And we’ll pass you a shot of brandy,” Celia completes.

Honey pops her eyes out and laughs.

“That’s why it’s called the barstool,” Noka says.

“I hope this is not an attempt to get me drunk,” Honey states with a calm face but her eyes keep a steady stare at Celia.

“No. Why would I want to do that? You’re my guest. Relax, dear. Jide is here. He won’t let anything happen to you.”

“You got that right,” I answer as Honey takes the seat. She crosses her legs, giving the guys an eyeful of the long, spotless pair.

“So everyone, including, Jide, gets to ask you two questions. If you answer anyone’s question correctly, that person takes the brandy shot instead.”

“I’m game.”

“Alright, then!”

Reno clinks his glass for sound effects as they excitedly adjust their positions. I look at them with vigilant eyes; it’s as if I’m watching a bunch of old folks trying to revive their youth.

They begin. The questions are downright intrusive. They’re not even playing. It’s like they want to know everything about her in just one evening. They want to know about her first kiss, if sex the first time hurt, the most embarrassing thing she ever did, the one thing she wishes she can undo, the best sex scene she ever watched in a movie, if she loves erotica, if she can keep her body for marriage…

She tackles each question maturely, even the intimate ones. Finally, it gets to my turn and seriously I’m not prepared for the moment. I kill the flow with a long pause.

“Jide, we’re waiting,” Bimpe urges impatiently.

I look at Honey and let out the one question nudging at the back of my mind that I’m uncomfortable to ask.

“Honey, what did you feel the first time you saw me?”

There is pin-drop silence as everyone stares at her. But her eyes are on me alone. She uncrosses her legs and takes a pose.

“I felt light like a feather, flushed and sweaty.” She dramatizes like an actress in a Shakespearean play. “Spots before my eyes…”

Her audience is amused.

“I was simply blown away.” She ends in a low volume after the laughter dies down. “I think it’s called love at first sight.”

She gets more than one ‘aww’ from Celia’s co-conspirators. Seems like the ‘Honeyofor’ bug is biting them all, save for Celia and Mary, who are trying their best not to show their displeasure.

“Did you do drama in school, Honey?” Mary queries.

“Is this part of the questions?” Honey replies. Mary goes shut. I smile at Honey’s cunning.

“We’re not done,” Celia arrests everybody’s attention once more. “Bright, time for your second question. This round is to test Honey’s knowledge on all things Jideofor. Are you ready?”


Bright asks, “Jide always does something whenever he’s in the shower. What is it?”

I hold my breath and try to catch Honey’s eyes. She should just take the shot of brandy…

“He sings Michael Jackson’s songs really loudly.”

I squeeze my brows together. How the hell did she know that?

“She’s right!” Bright accepts a shot passed to him by Reno, our designated barman.

“Honey,” Bimpe comes next, “does Jide have more boxers than briefs?”

“He has more briefs.”

Again, I’m stunned. How does she know this?

“I’m next!” Noka yells as if anyone is trying to stop her from speaking. “What is Jide’s English name that he’s so ashamed of?”


The whole room cracks up at her answer. My friends never get tired of making fun of my name. But I act like I’m deaf to their jeering. I now know where Honey has gotten all her info about me. I wonder how much my mom has shared with her. The one about the briefs, though, I’ll have to ask.

It’s Reno’s turn. The impish expression on his face makes me sick. “Do you guys have a sex tape we can download?”

His wife smacks the back of his head as the men laugh.

“Not yet,” Honey replies. She gets hoots from them. All I can do is smile from where I sit. I am yet to relax. I cringe as the next four questions come, but one after the other, Honey confronts them expertly, having only to take one shot of brandy for refusing to answer Ibro’s question about if she has ever been part of the mile high club. I jump in when I see her discomposure, and tell Ibro to ask another question that centers around me. Honey chooses to drink instead.

Celia and Mary and I are the only ones left. Mary goes first, after taking a long guzzle from the glass of liquor in her hand.

“If you found out Jide kissed one of his closest female friends, let’s say, just about a week ago, what would you do?”

I flash hostile eyes at Mary as I feel my patience which has been growing thin reach its elastic point. Nevertheless out of curiosity, I want to see how Honey takes this. All has gone silent.

“If he kissed someone else a week ago? It wouldn’t have bothered me because there was no us a week ago. What you see here,” she smiles at me, “is new…and amazing.”

I become uneasy as I take a mouthful of my drink. I’m either falling for this girl or scared of her. How else do I explain this restlessness in my guts?

“You guys want to make me fall in love again.” Peace blows wet eyes.

“Cee, your turn,” Mary tells Celia with as much poise as she can muster. Honey has just weakened their sinister alliance. Celia is their last card, but really what’s the worst she can do? They’ve laid out all their aces already.

“Honey, you know Jide is like our baby brother in this love and marriage business, so all of us here are looking out for him and we want him to have only the best, a woman who truly loves him. And that is why we want to know if you’re with him because you love him or because you heard he’s the Bridemaker and you want him to make a bride out of you.”

WT…F! Celia is such a bitch! What is wrong with her?!

“Excuse me? Come again.” Honey straightens up, her face puzzled.

“You mean you haven’t heard about the Bridemaker?” Noka asks. She laughs. “This is about to get interesting.”

I lose my good mood completely. They have simply gone too far. One stare at Shady’s apologetic eyes tells me he’s not in support.

“Ladies,” he speaks, “I think Jide should ask his question rather. Make una forget dis Bridemaker something abeg.”

Ibro concurs but Honey stops them. “No, it’s okay,” she counters. “Tell me about the Bridemaker, Noka.”

Noka is all happy to share. With so much glee on her face, she gives Honey the Bridemaker gist. While she speaks, Honey keeps an expressionless face but I watch her fingers silently drum on her knees. When Noka finishes, she bravely tells them she would pass on the question and takes some brandy. I am so not happy about this. Celia has a scathing remark waiting but one look from her husband makes her behave.

I stand up and clear my throat. It is my turn. I am annoyed and disappointed at the direction things have turned but I know I can’t react. The only thing I can do is obey the voice in my head. It wants to get even at all cost and silence the conniving wives permanently.

“Honey,” I walk to her, “can I kiss you?”

My question is as much a surprise to her as it is to the others.

“Like, right now?”

I don’t give her an answer. I steal her lips. They are moist and devastatingly soft but tremble at my rude invasion. Yet she doesn’t gasp or lose her composure. She responds to my intrusion by letting her tongue caress my upper lip before she allows me in. I kiss her softly, slowly, sensually, very aware of our audience. But I won’t lie; I am getting lost between those lips. I want so badly to go in hard and deep. I just realize I want to know this woman more.

“E don do!” Bimpe impolitely intrudes.

“No, let them continue.” Reno sounds annoyed at the intrusion. Honey and I pull apart. I search her eyes to see if I’ve done something wrong but her head is lowered.

“If that’s not the sweetest kiss I’ve seen in a while.” Peace sighs dreamily.

“So, Jide, you guys are serious?” Noka asks.

“Yeah.” I help Honey to her feet, wrap my arms around her from behind and peck her neck. I mean nothing by it; just making sure I’m nailing the coffin shut. After this night, they will never try to arrange any chick for me, let alone my closest female friend.

I look at Mary now. Her eyes are not on Honey and I. I hate to hurt her but she needs to set her brain right and find some other man. Celia takes her drink from her. I think she has consumed too much alcohol already. I hope someone has the commonsense to drive her home to make sure she’s safe.

“Cee, Shady, thanks for a fun night,” I announce.

“Are you guys leaving?” Celia protests. “We still have one more game to play.”

“It’s past ten, Celia.”

“It is?” Bright checks the time on his watch.

“Yep,” I reply, distractedly rubbing Honey’s arm. Her skin is warm as milk.

“You’re right. Some of us have work tomorrow but I don’t think an hour more will kill anyone.”

I shake my head. “We have to leave. Thanks, guys.”

“Yeah, thank you for the warm welcome and the fun questions,” Honey tells them. “Hopefully, we’ll do this again.”

We share hugs with them and leave the house. Outside, we meet a cold night. Now alone with Honey, I feel awkward. After all the affection I’ve displayed back at Shady’s, am I to stay away or keep up with the act until we’re well out of sight?

Honey helps me decide. She pulls closer and links her arm with mine, “I’m cold.”

I put an arm around her but under the brightness of a security lamp, I see goosebumps over her skin. I pull her to me and give her a full blanket wrap with both arms as I flag down a cab.

Lord help me, this woman is beginning to overrun my commonsense.

∞            ∞            ∞            ∞            ∞            ∞

I’m quiet in the taxi. All I’ve heard about Jide today has left me a bit unsure of how I feel about him. I stick close to my door, still cold and missing the warmth he offered a few minutes ago.

“Honey, I’m sorry if my friends made you feel uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s fine.” I give him a half smile.

I continue looking out the window.

“You have questions for me?” he asks.

I look at him. I’m liking the way he reads my mind easily.

“I have questions of my own,” he says when I don’t answer, “although I think I know half of the answers.”

“You want to know how I got my answers today.”

“My mom told you my English name, right?”

I nod.

“I hope to God she wasn’t the one who told you about the briefs and the Michael Jackson shower thing. Please, tell me you came up with that all on your own.”

I fight back a grin and recall how last night when I slept over at his, I had strolled into the sitting room to pick my handbag and saw him asleep on the couch with nothing but a pair of Calvin Klein briefs. It had taken me great restrain to leave the place and not stare all night.

“I heard you singing The Girl Is Mine this morning while you were having your bath.”

“And the briefs?”

I turn away from his stare. “Just a guess.”

“Hmm. Okay o. So you want to know about the Bridemaker.”


“It’s just a stupid gist that has no origins whatsoever.”

“But does it really happen? That you sleep with a girl and next thing she gets married?”


“How many girls so far?”

He laughs. He won’t look at me.

“Can I pass on that question?”

“Are you still in the bride-making business?”

He’s even more tickled at this question. “Bride-making business.” He guffaws. I don’t think it’s funny. “My friends have given you this impression that I sleep around.”

“Do you?”

“No. There’s just this general opinion that once you’re not hooked, you’re a player.”

“Are you sleeping with someone presently? Mary, maybe?”

The laughter drains from his face. “Mary? Why would you think that?”

“Cos I saw the way she was looking at me. If someone had given her a gun, she would have shot me right there.”

“Wow. It was that obvious?”

“She’s a friend with benefits?”

“No. She has this crush on me that I just got to find out today and that was why I asked you to accompany me to Shady’s.”

“So she was the one you kissed a week ago.”

Jide smiles behind pressed lips. I feel I have gone too far but I can’t help it. I’m dying to know him more, dying to hear him tell me he’s not just another Georgey Porgy out there.

“Can we talk about something else, Honey?”

I’m upset but I have to respect his wishes. I apologize and try my best not to sulk. I will not come off looking like Mary. I let out deep breaths and bring up a different topic. He’s glad for the change. We maintain the discussion until we arrive at my hotel. He walks me to my suite and stops outside the door.

“So when do I see you again?” he enquires.

“I don’t know. Soon, maybe.”

“I hope so. Thanks for a wonderful weekend. You’re great company.”

“You too.”

“And the kiss…”

“Yes, the kiss…”

We both laugh.

“Let’s not talk about it,” I say, afraid to hear the words ‘it meant nothing’.

“Well, I just wanted to say that I enjoyed it despite it being an act.”

My insides mush up at his words. He looks like he wants to say more but he simply tells me goodnight and walks away. I stand by my door, watching him until he disappears. I enter my suite and fall on the bed. I ping Dele’s wife immediately but she doesn’t reply until minutes later. I use the time to relive the kiss.


I prop a pillow behind my head and ping back.

-How fa?

-I dey jare. How u dey?

-In cloud 9. He kissed me!



-How was it?

-Heaven! That’s why I’m in cloud 9

-Hahahaha! U no well. So he’s a good kisser

-I can’t even explain, babe. I wan2be kissin him 4eva

-Se jeje o

-Nothing like jeje for dis mata. I like dis guy die


I sigh. Dele’s wife can be a bitch sometimes.

-But nothing jor

-Okay o. Hapi 4u. Jus take it easy. U know how ibo guys are

I roll my eyes. I will not get into an argument with her about tribe right now. I won’t even share my fears with her and have her spoil my night. I want to drag that kiss into my dreams and have Jide take my lips over and over until I wake up.

-Babe, I hav to go

-Ah-ah. Jus lyk that? We neva finish gist na. what prompted the kiss. Was dat all u guys did. Gimme more

-Tomoro. I’m tired. I wan2sleep

-Ok o. oya, g.nite. sleep tight.


I put my phone away, take off my clothes and go for a warm shower. When I return, I slip into bed and fall asleep with my earphones in my ears, listening to love songs.

∞            ∞            ∞            ∞            ∞            ∞

After I drop Honey, I head straight home. Ele is waiting for me. She doesn’t want sex; not like I am even in the mood for her. She wants some money. I don’t ask her what for. I just pass the notes to her and move away when she tries to kiss me. The taste of Honey is still on my lips.

I get into the house and head for my bedroom. The moment I hit the sheets, Mary calls. I hesitate before taking the call. When I eventually do, she is silent for the first few seconds.

“Boo, talk nau. This one that you’re quiet.”

“I want to come over so we can talk,” she speaks up. “It’s important. Is your girlfriend there?”

This is my turn to be quiet.


“She’s not here.”

“I’m coming over.”

I regret why I brought her over to visit two days ago.

“Can I come?”

“It’s late, boo.”

“Please. It’s important.”

“Okay o. I’m waiting.”

Sleep vacates my eyes. I move to the sitting room, pop open a canned beer and watch music videos while I wait for her. She arrives in good time. I open the door and let her in. She walks in and stands in the middle of my sitting room like a stranger.

“Sit down nau, madam.”

“No, I want to stand.”

I lock my door. “Stand keh. You said you wanted to talk. Now you’re here and you want to do the talking on your feet. You’ve been acting strange all day, shey you know. I don’t even want to bring up this evening and how you were sulking all through.”

“That’s what I actually came to explain.”

I take her hand and make her sit. I realize, from the way she can’t keep herself steady, how drunk she is. I occupy the space beside her.

“Talk. I’m listening.”

She heaves a couple of times before she builds up the courage to speak.

“I…” She brushes hair off her face. “I have feelings for you, Jide. I’ve always crushed on you, since from school days but I’ve been so scared to tell you. But when you kissed me last Sunday…”

Her eyes go moist.

“It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I tried, Jide. I really tried.”


“But you came today with Honey and I… I just fell apart.”

She holds my eyes in hers.

“Jide, is there a chance for us?”

Chai. Na only me waka come? Dear Jesus, this is the second time I’m asking your help today concerning these women. Can you please handle my matter with urgency? The last time I broke a heart this devoted to me, I had to watch her almost take her life; then I had to suffer the pain of her losing her mind slowly. And from then on, things just went downhill for me.

Now, how do I get out of this present mess? No matter what I tell Mary, it won’t end well. And I love her to death. But not this way. Not just this way.

“Jide, you’re not saying anything.”

I pull closer and hold her hands in mine. I want her to listen to every word I say and understand me well.

“Mary, I love you. Very much. I’ve watched you grow and I’ve grown with you. You have been there for me through the years and you have become part of my history and now, my present. But Mary, boo… I… I don’t feel the same way…”

She bursts into a sob, cutting me off. Her deep alto tone thins out to a wretched whine that breaks my heart. I enclose her in an embrace to comfort her. She clings to me as if to life. I have no one but myself to blame. If a harmless, dispassionate kiss can lead to this, only God knows what the one I shared with Honey will produce.

For the third time, Jesus, please help me.


Se jeje o (Yoruba) – take it easy

To Tame A Virgin #19

For Kef Richardson… HBD!


Temi received her query letter with an uncomplaining smile and put it beneath her keyboard. She made plans to reply it later in the day. She was relieved that she worked in an office where everyone minded their business. No one asked her why she had been away from work or why she had lost so much weight. No one bothered about her and for that she was happy. That was why she found it weird when one of the senior partners’ secretaries appeared before her table and said ‘oga’ wanted to see her immediately. Temi automatically assumed it was either Felix Enenche or one other man whose name she always forgot. She had no idea she was going to see Dike. She followed the secretary up the stairs to the management floor and they stopped at Dike’s office. Temi didn’t bother to read the name on the door before she walked in. It was his perfume that first gave him away before her eyes saw him standing by his window, looking out.

The secretary exited, leaving them alone. Dike turned to Temi and her insides churned just looking in his eyes. She bit her lower lip nervously and pushed her glasses to rest properly on her nose.

“Hi Temi. Please, sit.”

“No, I’m fine standing. This won’t take long, will it?”

“No.” Dike also remained on his feet. Temi was mighty uncomfortable. She had never imagined she would be with Dike in the same room again, let alone get flushed by his presence. She was beginning to see what Uyi had spent two full hours trying to make her understand. The problem was not with the men in her life; it was with her. And she knew that if Dike crossed the table separating them and touched her, she wasn’t going to resist. She cursed herself and felt tears burning her eyes. Dike wasn’t saying anything; he was merely staring at her and it was doing things to her body.

“Temi, what is wrong with you? Are you okay? You look emaciated.”

“I’m fine. If that is all you called me here to ask, I can tell you that I’m okay. Can I go?”

“Hope we’re good. You don’t hate me or anything like that?”


“I just needed to clear it all up and apologize again. I was an idiot and I used you. I can’t forgive myself for what I did. I’m terribly sorry.”

“Okay, I heard you. Can I go now? Please?”

Dike nodded. Temi kept her face down and with legs pressed together, she shuffled out of his office in a hurry. She dashed to the nearest restroom to let it all out. She couldn’t look into the mirror; each time she did, a whore was staring back at her.

“Something is wrong with you, Temi,” Uyi had said in a tone she never heard him use on her before. “You have to get help. Maybe from a doctor or a pastor or an older woman who can mentor you or something.”

“I’m okay. I just need to get over the shock that I almost got AIDS.”

“No, it’s not that. And it’s also not that sex is your comfort food. It’s more. I think you enjoy it a little too much.”

“You’re calling me a nympho?”

“No. And please be honest with me here. I’ll know if you’re lying. If I kissed you right now, would you stop me?”

Temi held her tongue but the look in her eyes and the instant change of color on her face told Uyi all he needed to know.

“Go and get help. And it’s time you quit the nice girl act. It’s getting irritating.”

That conversation didn’t end well. It left her in tears especially after Uyi made it clear that he wasn’t going to be seeing her again. How she survived that night was a miracle. The next day, she went for a HIV test and to her relief she was negative, though she was told she would have to return in six weeks for a confirmatory test. Like most people do, who find themselves in the dump, Temi sought God, beginning a self-imposed one week prayer and fasting and an everyday visit to a neighborhood church to spend her evenings. After the week ended, she believed she had successfully expunged the demons of lust in her. So why did just one look from Dike get her all flustered and wet?

She dared to look into the mirror and her image judged her. She commenced crying hysterically, not caring about the lady that walked into the restroom, staring at her through the mirror as she rinsed her hands.

“My dear,” the lady finally asked, “are you okay?”

Temi nodded.

“It’s obvious you’re not but whatever it is, know that God is control,” she said with a gentle hand on Temi and Temi’s eyes caught a hand rosary dangling from the lady’s wrist. She was once Catholic herself but had changed churches after dating a Pentecostal pastor. From then she never went back. Now seeing someone from her former church brought some form of peace within and authentication that she needed God completely to change her lifestyle. After work, she paid a visit to an old friend from her former church. The woman had been like a mother to her when Temi first came to Abuja. She had not seen her in three years. Temi hoped she was going to be received well.

Dressed in her most conservative of clothes and every Catholic paraphernalia she could use to piously adorn her body, she was ushered into the office of the Mother Superior at the Congregation of the Sisters of Mercy. Temi stood by the door, unsure of how to greet the comely nun who was sitting behind her desk with a bland face; but a smile erupted from the woman’s lips and hands stretched out to Temi.

“Come here, Temidire.”

Temi rushed to her with a hug. After the greetings and small talk to catch up on lost time, Temi stated the reason for her visit in the most prudish face and voice she could muster.

“Mommy, I want to become a nun.”

The woman’s eyebrows went up and she crossed her fingers together. “A nun?”

“Yes ma. I have always wanted to be one.”

Which was not a lie. But Temi always found herself falling into the arms of a guy each time she made the resolution to get herself married to Jesus.

“My dear, dedicating your life to God like that is no easy feat and it is not for everyone. You must have a call from God.”

Then the lies began.

“I am sure of my calling, mommy. I have prayed and fasted for months and I keep seeing signs everywhere.” She got off her chair and walked to the woman. “This is where I want to be. Please, don’t say no. There’s no life greater than this.”

“It is a long process, Temidire.”

“I know but I have been living my life like a sister already. My friends at work call me Mary Amaka and men have given up on me completely. I don’t have any desire for the things of this world, especially not in these wicked days.” She held the woman’s hands and went on her knees. “Please, don’t turn me away.”

“My dear,” the woman touched her head, “I am happy to hear you say this but will you give me time to seek the face of God? And I think you should use the time also to pray some more and speak to your parents about it.”

Temi nodded. Not quite the answer she was expecting but it was good enough. She knew she would be accepted into the community. She thanked the kind nun and left her office a lot happier than she went in. The rest of the evening was good for her; it felt like angels walked with her all through. Even when she went back home and found that Peter had packed his things and left the house without as much as a note or text, it didn’t rain on her parade. To her, it was even better he left. He was one of the reasons she was in the damper; he had ignored her completely and often looked at her like she was the one that infected him with the disease.

She treated herself to a hot shower as if expunging her past, got into a simple dress, adorned her face with light makeup and took herself out for a treat in a bar somewhere in the neighborhood. When she drank beyond her limits, she told herself it was going to be her last. When she flirted with a group of guys on a table next to hers, she told herself it would be her last flirting. And even when one of them came to sit with her and his hand found its way up her dress, she told herself, he was going to be her last fling.

The guy took her to a hotel nearby and spent a good hour on her. After which, he wore his clothes and dumped some naira notes beside her on the bed. It was at that moment the alcohol spinning her senses receded and Temi shot up from the bed.

“What’s this? I’m not a prostitute.”

“I know. But you need the money, don’t you?”

“No.” Temi’s sight was getting clearer too. The guy was not as hot as she had believed.

“So why would a beautiful girl like you come out alone to drink and allow a strange man have sex with you just like that?”

The answer waiting on Temi’s lips bordered on something about it being the modern world and a girl not being made to feel like a slut just because she wanted to sleep with a stranger; but Temi kept quiet and concentrated on forcing her pooling tears of shame away.

“I’m a nice person. My friends wouldn’t have offered anything, so stop forming and take the money,” the guy insisted.

“I am not a prostitute!” Temi restated, took the notes, squeezed them into a ball and flung them away. Then she went to him and began unzipping his fly.

“My friends are waiting for me,” he stopped her.

“Let them wait,” she replied and continued what she began. Her heart burned within her. She hated herself for what she was doing but she wasn’t going to allow the last thing he remembered about her be centered around the money he gave her. She was going to prove to him that she wasn’t a slut by giving him the screw of his life free of charge.


Dike knew Kachi was a witch. A good witch. Who was doing bad bad things to him. She had some form of magic, a manner in which she wove her spell over him. She was a mistress of the art of knowing his heart, and boy did she work her charm like no man’s business.

Who knew she could smile so much? Or could even sing while cooking? Or endure watching National Geographic with him? Each day he observed her unfolding before his eyes like the pages of a fantasy novel. He was just getting to know her and it was beautiful to watch her reveal herself under his eyes.

Her enchantment was potent in him. Some would call it love but Kachi had found the secret to controlling his center of gravity. She kept him distracted and he forsook all other diversions. They were now chasings after the wind. In his own jungle, a wild lioness had been tamed and it was not by his control or even his knowledge. What had happened to Kachi was nothing he could take credit for. Maybe something really good came out of her newly found Christian faith in the end.

She believed in the power of her God. Dike’s God too. But Dike was skeptical about the whole spiritual issue. Mortals and immortals had little business with each other. What did a generic God care about a man’s love life with his wife? Such things were too high for Dike to comprehend. Thus he was okay with his little ‘mustard seed’ religion, even as enticing as the new Kachi made him hunger for more.

He had a more powerful craving though. Kachi was responsible for it. Why put cheese where a mouse can easily reach? But he had known what he was getting himself into when he brought her back in. Now she was binding him in another spell too strong to break; the trap was set and he was circling the cheese. To the casual observer, he barely noticed her but his phone followed her everywhere she went; and when she looked at him all she saw was him being absorbed in something off the web. But Kachi had also acquired the power of patience and perseverance through seduction. She kept displaying the shorts and tights and see-throughs diligently with a never-fading glimmer in her eye.


Dike knew he was going to fall soon… One of these nights…

He had no idea it was coming sooner than expected. Ten days after she came back into his life, Kachi finally trapped him in a bottle. Only he didn’t know. Just arriving from work, he walked in to nostalgic sounds of love songs from 1998, the year they met. It was Shania Twain first and Dike laughed at the cheesiness of the song, asking himself how he could have ever been carried away with such music. Then came LeAnn Rimes, Janet Jackson, K-ci and Jojo, Usher, Boyz II Men, 98 Degrees, Aerosmith, Mariah Carey, Monica and of course, Celine Dion. It was while he was listening to Dreaming of You that it finally hit him that Kachi was playing a collection from a mixtape he had given her on her birthday that year. He remembered vividly waiting outside her family house with the guard dogs going wild at his presence. Kachi had kept him waiting twenty minutes before she showed up with an unwelcoming frown.


She ignored his smile and greeting and crossed her arms rudely beneath her breasts. He would never forget how heavenly he thought she looked.

“Happy birthday.” He handed her a manila envelope.

“Thank you,” she said with no smile. “But you know I have a boyfriend, right? And he’ll be here soon. So you better go.”

Dike was deflated but he walked away with a sure grin. He knew she would love the presents in the envelope. One of them in particular had cost him a fortune. Others included a mixtape, a birthday card and hair care products he had gotten from his sister’s shop on credit.

The next time he met her, Kachi was wearing a tolerant smile but it was a smile nevertheless. She thanked him appropriately for the presents and accepted to have him buy her suya but she reminded him that she kept her heart for her boyfriend. Dike noted that she didn’t wear the one gift he had spent all his cash on, not then and not even after they got married…


Too Close by Next was playing at the time Dike walked by Kachi’s bedroom. He just had a shower and was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts, ready for his dinner and TV time. He stopped by her door to stare at her clad in her towel alone, holding a blouse in the air. She put the blouse aside and changed the music to something native; another very familiar sound from their traditional wedding.

“Will you stare at me all day or will you walk by and pretend you didn’t see me as you always do?”

“Where’s Travis?” Dike asked, ignoring her opening line.

“With Mama.”

“Hmmm.” Dike smelled a conspiracy in the works. “Have you seen my Mastercard?” he inquired and Kachi smiled in guilt. She walked to her dressing table and picked the card in question.

“That was not part of the deal, Kach.”

“I’m sorry but Ene’s sister’s wedding is tomorrow and I needed to shop.”

“So you went on a spree,” Dike said, eyeing the heap of native attires on her bed.

“Yes.” The guilty smile again. “I will reimburse you when my new boss pays me.”

“I see. Feeling smart with yourself, abi?”

He walked in and took the card from her. As he was turning away, she stopped him.

“Please, tell me which one you think fits me best.”

“Kachi, I just came back nau. Lemme rest.”

“It won’t take long.”

Dike looked at the heap of clothes and shook his head, pitying himself. He sat on the bed and without warning she dropped her towel.

“What is wrong with you?” he asked.

“What?” she looked at him innocently and picked a yellow, embroidered blouse to wear. She got into it, struggling. When it settled on her body finally, she couldn’t zip it together. She tried two more blouses and the results were the same.

“Didn’t it occur to you when you were buying them that you’re pregnant?”

“I should have just gone to my tailor to sew me something.”

“Well, that’s your business.” Dike stood up. “Pick something old.”

“One more! One more!” She picked a red, ankara gown from the bed and got into it, legs first; but there was a long zipper that ran from her upper back to her bum and she called Dike to help her with it. He walked to her and ran the zipper down with as much control and as fast as he could. In the end, he handed her the pull-tab.

“Dike, you spoilt my zip!”

“Sorry, the thing just followed my fingers and came off. You’re using my money to buy fake things.”

She turned around with an endearing smile at him and the sight of a glittering gold necklace on her neck caught his attention. He didn’t notice it earlier because his mind had been on ‘other’ distractions. He pulled the necklace and held out a D-shaped pendant with yellow stones on the surface.

“You still have it.” His voice carried silent surprise. “I thought you hated it.”

“I did. It was conceited of you to give me a gold necklace with a D on it on my birthday.”

Dike grinned naughtily and put the necklace down. “So, madam, are you done seducing me?”

“I’ve not even started.” Kachi turned around. “Undo the zip please.”

“What made you change your mind?” he asked and began parting the zipper.

“About the necklace?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

Kachi didn’t answer immediately; she allowed herself feel the goosebumps his fingertips were deliberately creating on her skin.

“Travis.” She answered. “Travis changed my mind. What type of mother watches her son each night pray to Jesus to bring his mommy and daddy back together and walks away from that with an untouched heart? Every morning it was ‘mommy, is daddy coming today?’ ‘when are we going back home?’ ‘are you still angry with him?’ I was falling apart and I was angry that I couldn’t go against the prayers of a little boy who knew nothing of the pain I was going through. And then one day, it occurred to me that my pain was a lot bigger than my motherhood and my happiness and even my sensibilities. I was scared that it would swallow my life entirely. It was at that point I started fighting you hard because I was at my weakest then. Nnai, I had to stop and do a turnaround, to let it all go. And it’s not been easy. I still look at you sometimes and feel you don’t deserve to be forgiven but seventy times seven doesn’t come all in a flush, does it?”

“No,” Dike said but he was not interested in a conversation. Kachi understood and she turned around to face him.

“I’m going to kiss you, Onyekachi. And touch you everywhere. Then make love to you. But I don’t want to do it if you have an investigator lurking around or if I wake up tomorrow and hear you’re off to London or something like that. I need to be assured that you’re here to stay and your heart is here as well.” He made no show of hiding his defenselessness as he spoke to her.

“I’m here.”

“Onyekachi Chibuzor, I beg of you, biko, emekatakwala hapu’m.”

“I’m never leaving you again, Dike.”

“I ma na I ji obi’m.”

“And you hold my heart too.”

He moved away from her and sat on the bed. “Then dance for me.”

“What?” she laughed.

“Give me your best Igbo dance. Shake what I paid for. That’s the only way you’re getting back into my house.”


He got out his wallet from the pocket of his shorts and brought out a healthy collection of a thousand naira notes. She laughed. “I’m shy.”

“I’ll put my money back and go and sleep o! Ngwanu!”

Kachi laughed again and gave a little shake of her body.

“Ehen! Na now you come!” he moved further into the bed and rested his back on a pillow. “I have all night. Let’s make the moment count. If you want this money on you, you better give me reason.”

Kachi knew this was Dike’s last fight to reinstate his ego. She wished he understood that there was no need for it; she was totally surrendering to him. Yet she felt the need to let him know where she stood, so she began to dance for him. It was one of the few things he liked about her; she was completely sold to her culture and was not ashamed of it. He was liberal on such things and would not bother to speak his language or visit his hometown if she did not make him.

She moved closer to the bed and gave him her best dance yet, twerking and mixing in a little Yoruba booty moves in her performance.

“Oriaku! Odoziaku!” he praised her, sitting up. “You no go finish me! Enenebe-eje-olu! Utommanuanu! Igodo obi’m! Mmazuruahu! Dance for your husband Obi’m! Ugochinyere’m”

The naira notes flew into the air and landed all around her.

“Yes O! shake am! Na only me get am! Nke’m! Lolo’m! Uto’m! Adaugo! Omalicha! Anyanwu! Ugegbe mma!”

Kachi stopped to catch her breath and fan herself.

“Oya rest. You’re carrying a baby, abeg. But you’ve not danced enough oh. Some money’s still in my hand.”

Kachi smiled, and then turned sad face as tears gathered in her eyes.

“What’s the problem now?”

She lowered herself and sat on him, accepting the embrace his arms offered.

“The last time you called me those names was on our traditional wedding. Sadly, I was not interested in hearing them then. I was not even there; it was all an act.”

“But you’re here now and this is not an act, sweetheart. Isn’t the end of a matter better than the beginning?”

“It is.”

“So why the tears na? See how far we’ve come after everything. I am not with some girl and you’re not with some guy. We’re here together. We fought and worked things out even with all the childish conduct from two of us. We’ve really come a long way, Kach. So why cry for the past that is being erased at the moment?”

“I wonder o,” Kachi mumbled as his fingers stopped her tears.

“All these tears spoil breastmilk oh. It will become sour now.”

Kachi laughed. “You listen to Mama too much and she’s taught you one of her old wives’ tales.”

Dike pulled a serious face. “This is not about old wives, biko. It’s about a man who is getting the breastmilk first before the baby comes. Please, don’t use tears to sour my pleasure.”

“Speaking of which…how about that kiss and touch and lovemaking you were talking about earlier?”

Dike rose up from the bed, carrying her with him, but he placed her on the bed again.

“I’m hungry jor.” He began walking out.

“I knew you’d be difficult. Your too form!”

“I learnt from the best!” Dike stated in a raised voice, heading towards the kitchen.

Kachi hurried out of her gown and dug under the pile of clothes for the attire she had kept for the night and wore it. Next, she changed the music to a collection of songs from Kenny G, one of Dike’s favorite musicians, and dabbed her perfume on his pleasure spots on her body. On her way out, she bumped into Dike. He had a contrived frown on his face.

“If your plan was to starve me and seduce me with that hot lingerie on your body, it’s working… oh, it’s so working I want you to feel it.” He pulled her close. “My mom was so right. You’re a witch, Onyekachi.”

©Sally @moskedapages

To Doctor Val and his Uzoamaka…the beauty that graces his life.




biko, emekatakwala hapu’m – please don’t ever leave me.

I ma na I ji obi’m – you know you hold my heart

The names Dike called Kachi while she danced are just terms of endearment men use for their women in Igbo land.



To Tame A Virgin #15 (Reblogged)

Read previous episodes HERE

Hi guys, I’m reblogging this and I hope you get it this time. The other one had issues and here’s how you can get past the issues next time.

1. Just go straight to the blog and you will see the post.

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I’m sorry for the problems. It’s Nigeria and almost all networks are screwed up. I’m reblogging this from a cyber. It’s not my fault. I’m sorry again.


“So you’re just answering my calls abi?” The familiar voice on the other end accused Uyi and he frowned. His car parked outside the gate of his former house and he killed the engine.

“Madam, what’s your problem? Don’t you know when someone doesn’t want to have anything to do with you at all?”

“Hi Uyi…” Vivian’s voice was very low. He could hardly hear her. “How are you doing?”

“Come, what’s your problem? Why are you calling?”

“We need to talk.”

“First, where are you?”

“I’m in Abraka.”

Uyi was relieved at the news. “So what do you want?”

She went silent and Uyi thought the line had gone bad.

“Uyi…first, I’m sorry about the Edet incidence.”


“And I’m sorry for the other times too.”

“There were other times?”

“Yes. In the past.”

But Uyi already knew about the other times. Vivian, in school, had been his girlfriend in his third and fourth year but she had been on and off. She claimed she had a marine husband that usually got jealous whenever she got too close to him, so she would break up and disappear for weeks and return with new clothes and lots of money. Uyi knew she was sleeping with rich, married men for her upkeep but he never complained because he had his own affairs on the side. There were a couple of girls who slept with him for the academic assistance he offered them. Hence, he never complained about Vivian’s runs; he never even mentioned it.

“I’m sorry. I cheated on you a lot. I’m so sorry,” Vivian’s low, depressing voice continued on the other end.

“Is that why you’re calling? Okay. I forgive you. Now, can you hang up?”

“Uyi, there’s more.”


“I think I’m HIV positive.”

The words, initially, were slow in coming but with Vivian’s silence on other end playing like an ill-omened soundtrack, they fell upon Uyi loud and clear.

“What HIV are we talking about here? The real one or…?”

“I’ve been really sick and I’ve treated myself and treated myself and nothing!” she whined.

“Did you go for test?”

There was a break before she answered.


Uyi hissed. “And you’re disturbing me?”

“I remember we went bare twice and I don’t know if that’s enough for any of us to catch it but please go and test yourself – for us.”

“Are you high? I should test myself for you. It’s as if your marine spirit has started disturbing you. Look, don’t call me again.”

He rung off and refused to give second thought to the conversation they just had. He got out of his car, greeted the gateman and walked in. There was loud music coming from the house and Uyi prayed he was not walking into a party. Gratefully, he wasn’t. There was no one in the sitting room when he entered, just Rihanna’s voice coming from the home theater system. Uyi let down the volume and was following the whiff of fresh baking when Temi appeared from the kitchen with a spatula and a scowl.

“Who is reducing my Rihanna! You guys will not leave my music…”

She drifted off when she saw Uyi, and a grin drove away her scowl. With a shriek she ran to Uyi and hugged him tight.

“You came!”

“Of course I did.”

“I’ve missed you.” She pecked his lips and for the first time, he felt himself move back when her lips touched his.

“Guess what!” she said excitedly.


“I baked my first cup cakes ever! And they’re to die for!” She took his hand and led him into the kitchen. “Come taste!”

Spread out on the counter was a tray of cupcakes and Uyi’s mouth watered as he saw them. He reached out his hand for one but Temi slapped it with the spatula, picked a cupcake and fed it to him and he took a big bite.

“You like?”

“Mmmm…lovely. Really nice,” Uyi said with a mouthful.

“Yay!” Temi danced a little and began putting away some of the cupcakes in a bowl padded with newspaper. “This is yours. And I have to hide it from Peter and Ovie.”

“Where are they sef?”

“In Peter’s room.”

“So you guys are getting along?”

“Yeah. But they’re bad boys, Ovie especially. He’s always bringing different girls. Peter brought only one but he keeps trying to hit on me.”


“Hey, I made soup and stew for you that you can use for the whole week.”

Uyi smiled. “You shouldn’t have, Temi.”

“It’s the only way I can say thanks for letting me stay here. At first, I was mad at you for boning my side but I’m cool with it now and I want to say thank you and also ask for a favor.”

“What’s it?”

Temi bit her lip and straightened her t-shirt. “My birthday is next week and I’d like to hold it at yours.”

“At mine’s?”


“My house?”

“Yes. Your house is big and though I haven’t been inside, I know it would be perfect for my birthday party. Please say yes.”

“Temi. How do you know my house?”

“Ovie took me there once after work. So please, may I?” Temi put her arm around him.

“You know I have a mad, jealous girlfriend, right?”

“Well…she tweeted that she would be out of the country for a whole month…”

Uyi laughed. “Ah, Taymee! You’re one dangerous babe. You’re following Damaris on Twitter?”

Temi blinked her eyes rapidly as a yes and Uyi laughed again.

“I’d love to say yes, Tems but Dami will still find out.”

“Okay, what if I convince Peter whose birthday is the upper week to do his party with mine?”

“I…don’t know.”

“Come on, Uyi.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “Say yes.”


“Yay!” she hopped up and down excitedly and squeezed Uyi tight and left a peck on his neck. “So where did madam travel to?”

“Uhm…she just needs to be alone for a while,” Uyi replied, walking towards Peter’s room.

“Trouble in love zone already?”

“No, no. She’s just…taking a short holiday.”



Dike sat in his car and breathed in the evening air. There was something good in the way the gentle breeze blew over him but he couldn’t tell what it was. He was tempted to believe that it was because he was going to be sitting in the same space with Kachi in the next hour to work at their marriage; but they had been in such meetings and nothing came out of them. Their families, friends and even church leaders had tried to help them patch things up but they had given up due to Kachi’s cavalier behavior over the whole issue. Now it was their friends, the Enenches’ who were trying to pull the strings together one last time. Dike wasn’t hoping for anything good to come out of it but it was the Enenches’ wedding anniversary and he was honored that they would sacrifice their evening for them. But more than that, he just wanted to see Kachi’s face. The mere thought of her brought affectionate memories he thought he had left behind. He still constantly heard her voice in his head. She haunted him like a ghost in his home, his head and his heart, but he was past the tears and the unbearable loss and all that was left was just a numb pain that dulled his days.

He peered into his wristwatch. It read that he was a full hour early. It was enough time to tuck Travis in bed before Ene’s dinner was served.

He picked his phone, lifted the anniversary gift he bought for the Enenches’ and got out of his car.


There was an insane silence brought by weighty tension in Uyi’s car. The car was parked outside a private clinic somewhere in Wuse 2 and all the five individuals in it stared at the entry doors with some form of apprehension.

Ovie spoke first.

“Uyi, you know say you fit just turn this car round make we dey go house.”

“No, OV. We’re doing this,” Temi, seated beside Uyi, replied.

Peter agreed with her. “We’re here already. No harm in trying.”

The silence came on again and was dragging for two extended minutes when Murphy blurted out.

“My guys, dis na serious matter. Na AIDS oh! No be gonorrhea or syphilis. If anybody for dis car come dey positive, dat person life don finish be dat oh. Make una tink am well before una enter dat clinic.”

“Come on, it’s just a simple test,” Temi countered. “I don’t think any of us is positive but it’s better to be sure.”

Ovie responded to her statement and a mild argument broke out among them; Temi and Peter on one side and Ovie and Murphy on the other, but Uyi was silent. Vivian’s call had rattled him and out of sheer restlessness he had been compelled to share with his friends what she told him. It was Temi who popped the idea of all of them going for the test.

“Okay, I’ll do the test first and once you guys see that there’s nothing to it, you can go ahead,” Temi suggested in a tone aimed at ending the argument but Ovie held his stance.

“I no do! I no go lie; I dey fear!”

“Gbam!” Murphy concurred.

“Alright, let’s deal, OV. You do the test and I cook for you for the whole of next week.”

“Breakfast and dinner?” Ovie smiled roguishly.

“No. Dinner only.”

“Hmmm. Deal.”

“So, Tems, you won’t offer me a deal?” Peter teased. “What do I get if I do the test?”

“You’re not serious,” Temi replied and stepped out of the car.

“Uyi, mehn… the cake on this your friend toh bad gaan!” Peter exclaimed, his eyes on Temi’s backside. Uyi smiled absently as he also left the car.


Dinner at the Enenches’ was one meal Dike was going to remember for a long time because Kachi made it. From his first taste, he knew it was her touch. When Ene confirmed it at the end of the meal, he paid Kachi a generous compliment and thought it weird that she replied in a mild tone. The dinner ended, Felix invited them to the poolside and they sat around a table where he poured them each a glass of wine and some fruit juice for Kachi. He lifted his own glass in a toast.

“Fifteen years ago, I married this amazing woman here and she has brought joy and life into my world. I’m a man of few words…”

“No, you’re just shy,” Ene teased and everyone laughed.

“Okay… So, happy anniversary, Enekole, my heart-stopper.” Felix kissed Ene, and Kachi and Dike toasted to them.

Felix continued, “fifteen years ago, on that same day, another man like me met the woman of his dreams too and they fell in love. Though it would take eight more years for them to say their own ‘I Dos’, they were a match made from God and no devil will ever separate them. To Ogbudike and Onyekachi! Please don’t let the love die.”

Ene lifted her glass but Dike and Kachi were unresponsive. The air suddenly became uneasy. Felix pushed himself forward on his chair and was prepared to say something but Ene stopped him with a gentle hand on his.

“I have something to say. Actually, it’s something I must confess. It’s been eating me inside and Felix, I’m sorry; Dike, I’m sorry and Kach, forgive me as well.”

“What are you sorry for?” Felix asked.

“It’s nothing… Oh, how can I say it’s nothing? I’m so sorry, Dike. What I’m about to tell you is a secret I’ve been hiding from you for years. I promised Kach I would never tell you but…”

“Ene, don’t say anything, please,” Kachi whispered.

“Do speak, Ene,” Dike said with his eyes on Kachi.

“Ene, don’t!” Kachi raised her voice.

“I am listening, Ene.”

“I’m very sorry. And I don’t know if Kach and I will still be friends after this but let me just say it out because me I can’t hold it in…”

“Ene!” Felix scolded.

“Okay, okay. So this is the truth.” Ene sighed loudly and turned to Dike. “Kachi never loved you when she married you. She was a hundred percent in love with her ex right up until last year.”

There was a killing silence after she spoke. Felix was wide-eyed, Kachi buried her face in her hands and Dike held a passive look but his right leg had begun to shake as it lay crossed over the other.

“What did you just tell me, Ene?” he asked.

“Did she ever tell you about Leke?”

“You should stop now,” Kachi warned Ene.

“Leke, her ex? The Yoruba guy she said broke her heart?”

“Enekole, you’re disrespecting me. It is not in your place–”

“Let me talk!” Ene faced Kachi. “I cannot stand and watch the two of you separate because of lies! Let the truth be told today! You can hate me tomorrow!”

“Go on, my dear,” Dike begged.

Ene turned to him. “Kachi met Leke when she was in secondary school and they were seeing each other until she met you in 1998, and they continued seeing each other for seven years after that.”

Dike calculated rapidly. “That was until 2005, the year before we got married. You’re saying she was cheating on me?”

“No. It’s not like that. Leke had disappeared before she started with you. Her parents loved you because you were Igbo but they did not want Leke in her life at all. Leke’s parents also didn’t want her because she was Igbo. Well, before you fully came into the picture, she and Leke had plans to elope to the UK and they had even gotten their visas and everything prepared but Leke just got up one day and disappeared with her passport and all the money she saved up. All she got was an email from him telling her to move on and marry you. Of course, she was devastated and didn’t want you but she was twenty-nine and was pressured by her parents, so she accepted your proposal and you guys got married.”

Dike stood up and walked about in slow, aimless steps before he stopped. “You said she was still in love with him until last year?”

Ene nodded.

“Ene, you call yourself my friend, my friend’s wife, and you never told me?”

“I wonder!” Felix exclaimed.

“Dike, Kachi made me promise.”

“I have known you since secondary school days, Enekole! You should have protected me first!”

“I’m sorry.”

“So all this her talk of going to the UK is to go and be with the bastard?!”

“No,” both women responded simultaneously.

“I did not ask you!” Dike cut Kachi an angry tone and walked off, taking to himself. “You’re a fool, Ogbudike! A big fool!”

“Was this the right time to say this?” Felix asked his wife and she pleaded her contrition with worried eyes. Kachi’s face was buried in her hands again and she didn’t respond to Ene’s hand that was laid on her lap.

Dike returned. “So I have been a joke for seven years?!”

“Dike, it is not how you’re seeing it,” Ene sat up. “Let me explain.”

“I’m listening. What’s the worst you can tell me after this?”

“Kachi was distraught when she married you but she hid it well. She tried to make you, her parents, everyone happy but she was dying inside. Leke was the only guy she ever knew, he was her first, so you can imagine what she was going through. I begged her to forget him but she needed an explanation from him and all attempts to reach him failed. At some point, his mother contacted her and they believed he was dead and that even worsened things. But finally, two Christmases ago, she got a call from him and he apologized and told her to move on. It was then she finally let go and began to learn to love you.”

“To learn to love me. Are you hearing yourself, Ene? Did you know what I went through with this selfish, wicked, ogbanje woman you call your friend? Do you have any idea? Nagging was the least of the things she did to me! Kachi didn’t let me touch her from the moment she found out she was pregnant until Travis was a year old!”


“Oh, she didn’t tell you that, abi? Madam, you didn’t tell your friend, did you?”

Kachi stood up and began to walk away but Dike grabbed her hand and forced her back into her chair. “I am talking! Sit down and listen!”

“Dike, easy,” Felix solicited.

“When she finally allowed me sleep with her, the sex was hell. I felt like I was raping her each time! And after a while, I gave up completely! What a fool I was! So she was there wanting her ex the entire time and that was why she couldn’t connect with me?!”

Ene came to tears. “Please, don’t talk like that. She was struggling.”

“And how about me?! How wicked can one woman be to a man, Ene? How wicked?” Dike pulled his chair and sat before Ene. “I didn’t cheat on her because I wanted to. No. When I met Damaris, she was like a breath of fresh air. It didn’t start off as an affair but somehow, I fell in love with her easy spirit and her fun ways and she made me forget and gave me youth. And I fell hard. Then with Temi, it was purely sexual. Living with Kachi at that point was hell and I wanted comfort and I’m a man na, with urges and Temi was there to satisfy them. She also made me forget.”

“How about the woman you took to the hotel? Didn’t you sleep with her?” Kachi fired bitterly.

“Nothing happened, Onyekachi. I was trying to explain but you never let me! She’s a client who is going through a rough patch in her marriage like me and we just wanted to talk. She took me to the restaurant in that particular hotel because her sister is the chef there. We ate, talked and I ended up wiping her tears and patting her back and nothing happened.” Dike looked at Ene. “But with all you told me now, am I not justified for all I did?”

“I’d like to say no but Dike, you’ve gone through a lot and you’ve tried.”

Dike got off his chair again. “I wish you hadn’t told me. The divorce will be over soon and we’ll go our separate ways. She can go back to her Leke and I’ll start a new life but now, knowing this, you’ve just wounded me.”

“I am sorry, Dike. But I wouldn’t invite you guys over if I wasn’t sure that there was a chance for you people.”

“Are you hearing yourself, Ene?!” Dike bellowed. “There is no way in hell I am taking this woman back!”

“Dike, I no like dat kain talk,” Felix stated.

“Dat one concern you. I don talk my own!”

“Dike, Kachi loves you,” Ene emphasized. “Believe me, she does but she is hurt and cannot trust you. When she sees you, she sees Leke all over again.”

Dike laughed in disbelief. “Ene, I am the victim here!”

“No, you both are.”

“Stop defending your friend!”

“She loves you. In fact, it’s because she loves you she’s running away.”

“That’s rubbish! Kachi came to me for almost a month, every single day and allowed me make love to her! For what? To prove that she can give me what I want and then take it all away like that because she has the power?! Or was it to learn skills to share with her boyfriend? Which one?! Then she was giving me crap about separating her heart from her head! What nonsense talk was that?!”

“She was trying to show you how much she loved you; it was a selfless act on her side and she was excited, ready to work things out but then the investigator gave her news of you and the woman at the hotel and everything crumbled.”

“How can she love me and be investigating me?! Utter nonsense, Ene! I’m so glad I’m done with her. I can’t wait for the final order from the court!”

“Dike, please…”

“Thank you for telling me but it is over!” Dike picked his phone from the table and stood over Kachi. “I can’t forgive her even if she comes and grovels! And I am going to court after the divorce to get full custody of the kids! Good night!”

Dike walked away from them, going deaf to Felix’s and Ene’s voices calling him back as he left the house. Kachi tried to keep a dry eye but she fell to pieces and Ene held her.

“I told you not to tell him. Now he hates me.” She sobbed.

“Now he knows the truth and you don’t have to run away again. Give him time to let it sink in and he’ll come round.”

Kachi shook her head. “You don’t know Dike. His pride won’t let him.”

“Have I ever given you bad advice, Kach? Trust me. It will work. Just put away those crazy thoughts of leaving from your head permanently, abeg.”

Felix was still dumbfounded watching the two women. He had never seen Kachi so subdued in all his time of knowing her but it was Ene that scared him most.

“Honey, are there any more secrets you’re hiding?” he asked and Ene smirked.


They had been waiting for more than thirty minutes. The clinic was unkempt and reeked badly of antiseptics. The lab technicians had complained that they were closed for the day but with a little, extra pay from Temi, they agreed to carry out the tests.

“Maybe they’re not doing any test in those labs,” Ovie said. “Dem fit just sit down there dey watch Africa Magic and after, come write say all of us get AIDS.”

Temi laughed hard.

“Temidire and Omoruyi?” A chirpy lab attendant sauntered into the waiting area of the clinic.

“Yes?” Temi stood.

“Follow me. The rest of you, wait. Your tests aren’t ready.”

Uyi and Temi followed the girl into a tight lab where another girl was making a loud phone call. She handed the test results to her chirpy colleague who in turn, handed them to Temi and Uyi.

“Congratulations. You’re both negative.”

Uyi blew out his breath in relief.

“I wish you guys a happy married life. Invite me for the wedding oh!”

“We will.” Temi beamed and locked her hand in Uyi’s.

“How about our friends’ results?” Uyi asked.

“They’ll be ready soon.” The lab attendant walked them out and they headed back to the waiting room, and to their surprise, they found empty seats where Peter, Ovie and Murphy had been sitting.

“Ah-ahn. Where are them Peter?” Temi asked. She strolled to the entrance door and peeped out and saw nothing. She turned to a nurse standing by the front desk, zapping a zit on her face as she peered into a pocket mirror. “Aunty, please where did those guys go?”

“They left,” the nurse replied and Uyi laughed.

“After the extra money I paid. Let me just meet them at home,” Temi grumbled as she and Uyi left the clinic. The moment Uyi’s car was leaving the premises, the chirpy lab attendant returned and ran out, trying to stop them, but she was unsuccessful. She turned to the nurse by the desk.

“Why didn’t those boys wait to get their results?” she asked, spreading out the three papers in her hands. The nurse shrugged and turned to her mirror.

“It’s so sad. And they didn’t leave their numbers.”

“Ehn, it’s their wahala na.”

“No, one of them tested positive oh.”

The nurse abandoned her mirror and grabbed the papers from her. “Which one?” she looked through the results. “Brother Lovehandles?” she hissed. “It’s a fake name na. Who answers Brother Lovehandles? Even the other names are fake. Useless human beings.”

The lab attendant shook her head sadly. “Na wa oh! He will go and spread it to one poor girl now. Hian. May God forgive him.”

“Amen oh.”

©Sally @moskedapages

To Tame A Virgin #6

As God has willed, I am well again. Thank you for your prayers and healing words. I’m back on my feet…er, sorry, back on my fingers. 🙂


Things are going to change drastically for the characters of this story. Some hearts will break, some will find love, what has been hidden in darkness will come to light and like water spilled to the ground which cannot be taken back, some of these changes will be irreversible.

And here it begins…

Just a kiss. That was what she said. But it was more than that to both of them. It had been ignited from the moment she raped his mouth at Mr. Enenche’s and since then, they hadn’t been able to stop the fire that drew them into an endless kissing game. Uyi had left the Enenches’ that evening, embarrassed and in a hurry but he could not hastily erase the taste of Dami’s tongue over his all through that night. Work was a bore for him the next day and with Temi’s absence, his weariness was turned up a notch. But Dami spun things around when she materialized before his desk with a bogus assignment she wanted him to do which would require him working overtime. He acceded to her wish and continued his day with a renewed zest.

When evening came and the office building was empty save for the two of them, the kissing kicked off again. Scared that they might be caught by the numerous surveillance cameras, they moved to Dami’s car at the parking lot where they went on for a prolonged time.

“Are we ever going to have a serious conversation?” Uyi asked when he stopped to breathe. Dami shook her head slowly at him with what seemed like a naughty smile.

“Who wants to speak geek this night, Uyi?” she whispered and bit his lip so hard he flinched. Then she continued again. No touching was done, no phone numbers were exchanged, no words were said, and she kissed him all the way to his doorstep… and then stopped, breaking into laughter when she saw his roommates staring at them with gaping jaws. One look at Ovie and Peter had Uyi changing his mind about staying home.

“Let’s go to your place,” he suggested to Dami and she nodded readily. “Er…wait for me in your car. I just want to get something quick.” As she walked away, Uyi dashed into his apartment and was welcomed with loud whooping from Peter and Ovie. They followed him into his room, begging for juicy details about what they had just witnessed. Uyi said little to them but it was enough. They already had evidence of the kiss, a photo taken with Peter’s phone. They waited for him to leave before logging into www.totameavirgin.com to upload the photograph. And that was how Uyi’s name joined the list of Dami’s potential deflowerers. In less than thirty minutes, he topped the list and Dike’s phone buzzed for three full hours, alerting him of new bets placed on the newcomer.


However, Dike couldn’t concentrate on his incoming alerts. He had his own headache to deal with at home. Kachi had been crying for five long hours and had refused to tell him why. He suspected that she had somehow found out about Temi. But Dike wasn’t really fazed. In fact, he had half-expected her to catch him because he wanted a big showdown. So bored he was of his life and marriage that he was willing to risk it all to start over again. He believed he loved Kachi immensely but the fire was long gone and he just couldn’t see himself playing the role of a husband anymore. His heart was dead cold towards her. He had tried to revive it severally but without success. Now, all he wanted was a way out of the prison he called his marriage, and if Temi was the exit, he didn’t give a damn if his affair with her was exposed. Still, it hurt him somewhat to see Kachi cry. She once was his best friend and if there was left any part of his conscience that was alive and jabbing him at that moment, it was for the friendship he once shared with her.

“Kach, talk to me nau. Why are you crying like this?” He didn’t know how many times he had asked that question in Igbo and in English but the answer was always the same – silence and more tears. He was tired and heavy-eyed and one look at his blinking phone reminded him that he had messages to attend to, so he sighed and said, “I’m turning in. If you want to talk, just tap me.”

He rested on his side of the bed and connected his phone to charge as he began to attend to his messages. Just as he was about logging into totameavirgin.com, a text message arrived. He clicked on the SMS icon and saw that the text was from Kachi. He glanced at her side of the bed where she was crouched, and saw her fiddling with her phone. He turned back to his and clicked on the SMS and it read thus:

Mrs Dike, my name is Temi and I have been sleeping with your husband. I’m very sorry about it. Dike told me he was divorced. I didn’t know you guys were still married. Pls forgive me. But I have worst news. I am pregnant for him and have no intention of aborting it. Again, I’m truly sorry.

Dike was dumbfounded. Temi couldn’t be pregnant, he argued in his head. She was just trying to cause trouble. What on earth would possess her to send such nonsense to Kachi?

He looked at Kachi. She was still crouched and backing him. She sent him another text.

Temi, thank you for letting me know. I do not advise you to abort the child. And I do not advise you to stop seeing Dike if you love him. I am leaving him for you. Enjoy.

“Kach?” Dike called Kachi in a very low voice and she lifted herself from the bed and faced him. “Nnai…” she began and stopped and rubbed her swollen eyes. “I… actually found out about two of you earlier today. I followed you from work until you got to her house. I saw you guys kissing in the car, I saw everything. And I was so angry. I planned to go back to her house to beat the hell out of her before descending on you… but her text came in and… everything changed. It was like someone poured cold water on my body and anesthetized me and I am yet to recover. So here I am, Ogbudike, all fight in me gone. I can’t come to blows with another woman over a man who doesn’t love me, over a man who takes away my dignity and shares what is mine with someone else. I can’t keep giving you all of me only to find out it’s not enough and you want more outside. What you and I have is more than physical but you take it and make it small and strip it of all its essence and it’s killing me, Nnai. It’s killing me. I can’t do this anymore…” She covered her face briefly and sniffed, then let down her hands and pierced his eyes with a tormented stare. “I want… a divorce.”

Dike shivered without his helping it. He was afraid to look into Kachi’s eyes to discover she actually had the power to break him completely with just one stare. It was only his pride left and he wasn’t going to let her take it away and emasculate him all over again yet he felt some sort of darkness covering him, something profound leaving him, severing a cord between him and Kachi that he never knew existed. He was experiencing, at that point, what Kachi told him she had experienced earlier. A cold sensation took over him and he could hardly feel any part of his body.

“Are you serious?” his throat burned. The kneeling image of Kachi on the bed stirred something strong in him. She had never looked so beautiful in all their life together. He wanted to just reach out and hold her but his hands were like dead weights beside him. He desired to tell her he was sorry, to tell her that he truly loved her but had been consumed with his ego. He needed to ask to be forgiven but sadly, nothing in him budged. He remained there like one who was dead.

Kachi drew a long sniff and slowly dismounted from the bed. She took her wrapper and phone with her and was heading out of the room when he finally found his voice. And it came out with anger that surprised even him.

“You want a divorce?” She turned to him as he sat up. “Fine! I will give you your divorce so I can rest from your controlling hands because Kachi, I am tired! You choke me every single moment! I can’t breathe when I’m with you. It’s like walking on thin ice! You always find fault in everything I do! It is either how I laugh or the way I swallow my food or the fact that I speak pidgin in public or that I fart in bed! You push and push and push AND DRIVE ME CRAZY! You don’t know when to stop! And now, you’ve pushed me into the arms of another woman who gives me the respect I deserve! Yes, she is better than you and more woman than you will ever try to be!”

Kachi whimpered.

“So don’t stand there taking the moral highroad with me! I know your dirt, in and out and I ate it without complain! But you… baby, you destroyed this marriage! You! Not me. And I have totally given up too. You can have your bloody divorce!”

With his face etched in stone, he picked his pillow and phone and stormed out of the room, banging the door behind him. As he headed for the guest room, he dialed Temi.


Temi was in a cab headed for Gwagwalada when her phone flashed silently in her hand. Dike’s number appeared and she hated herself for knowing it by heart. She had already deleted his details but saved every text and ping in a folder named ‘bastard’. Five hours ago, she was sitting with Hafsa in her room, traumatized by his betrayal.

“So what will you do with the baby?” Hafsa had asked her.

“I’ll keep it na. What else will I do? I can’t abort it oh.”

“I’m not asking you to, but Temi, he’s a married man. The baby will tear his family apart. Don’t you think you shouldn’t involve…?”

“What are you trying to say, Hafsa?” Temi grimaced heavily.

“So you want to carry the stigma on your head that his marriage scattered because of you?”

“Oh, I should just be shoved aside because I’m not the one with the ring on my finger?!”


“I was not a mistress, Hafsa! I was Dike’s girlfriend!”

“But he’s married.”

“And I don’t want him again! How many times will I say that?!” She emphasized. “I just want him to be in my baby’s life and I don’t care if his wife cannot handle it! I did not snatch her husband! I was innocent and so is my baby!”

Hafsa didn’t argue further. She left a few minutes later and it was then Temi sent the text to Kachi. It had taken a whole hour for a reply but when it came in and she read it, Temi experienced a cold feeling wash over her. Numbed at once, she read Kachi’s text over and over again and Hafsa’s words returned to haunt her. She paced around her room endlessly and each time she stopped, it was to eat something. The hours dragged by leaving a heavy weight on her shoulders. She was all out of tears, and it seemed, of options as well. But there was just one alternative left for her to take. She went through her contact list and retrieved a number she hadn’t called in years and dialed it. Fortunately for her, the person on the other line remembered her. They conversed a little and she ended the call. The black Diesel clock on her bedroom wall struck eleven and Temi hurried into the bathroom. She had a quick shower, changed into clean clothes, picked her wallet and exited the house. Uyi had not yet arrived and she doubted that he was on his way, hence she took her key along. Outside her house, she hailed a cab and asked the young driver to take her to Gwagwalada. Sitting behind, just by the window, she felt the wind outside blowing over her as the cab sped on. It was then she finally released held tears.

Now Dike was calling. She looked at her phone and though she had no intention of taking his call because of what she was planning, something pushed her to press the answer button. She told herself that she had to say her final goodbye to him.

“Dike?” she said, rolling up her window to stop the bellowing wind from interrupting her call.


“Mmm?” she answered in a moment of weakness.

“How are you?”

“I’m good.”

“Um…quick question. Are you pregnant?”

His voice was affectionate, filling her with warm memories.

“I am.”

“Haba, Temi, why didn’t you tell me first? Why did you have to tell my wife?”

Temi burned in instantaneous anger. “Why didn’t you tell me you were still married? Why did you lie to me?” Her tone was raised and she caught the cab driver looking at her through the rearview.

“I’m sorry, cuddles. I wanted to but…”

“Dike! Dike, Dike! I beg you, leave me alone! As it is, I’m going to abort your child now, now, now! I don’t want to tear anybody’s family apart. Lai-lai! It’s not me God will come and punish! So if you know what’s good for you, don’t ever call me or text me or even show up at my door! Me and you are through! I don’t want to ever use my two eyes to see your cheating, lying face again!” Temi hung up and hissed. She cussed in Yoruba for a long time before she let down the window to take in fresh air. Uyi had crossed her mind without warning as thoughts of him usually did, so she dialed his number and waited for it to ring as she had breathed in unsullied air to calm herself. But something weird caught her attention when she noted the environment they were in. Her brows creased and she looked around, searching for signs to indicate they were en route Gwagwalada.

“Ehn, oga?” she drew the attention of the cab driver and he stared at her through the rearview mirror. “Where we dey go? I say Gwagwalada, not Nassarawa State. Ode oshi.”

The cab driver took a few seconds before responding but he turned with his hand stretched out holding a piece of cloth which he shoved into Temi’s face. On impulse, she hit his hand and pushed the cloth away but she realized that her sight became instantly blurry. She blinked severally but it only got blurrier. The car appeared to her as if it was rocked by giant hands. Temi tried to hold on to something for balance but she failed and slumped on her seat, her right hand still holding her phone.


Uyi pried away from Dami’s lips and went for his phone. He saw it was Temi calling and though he didn’t want to pick the call, the gentleman in him would not let him ignore it. Besides, he felt he owed her an explanation for not showing up at hers.

“Temi?” he answered the call with a guilty smile but met silence. He suspected that she was upset with him. “Tems?” There was more silence though he could hear something like movement in the background. “Come on, Tems, I know you’re there. Answer me nau.”

He heard more movement and the line went dead. Uyi looked at his phone with a smile and shook his head. He was in too deep in the middle of his kissing game with Dami to bother about Temi. She could be handled better at a later time. He switched off his phone completely and turned back to Dami who was sitting behind her wheels.

“Where were we?” he asked.

“In my car, parked just outside my house and you were saying something about it not being right for you to be here by this time and because I didn’t want to hear that, I stopped you with a kiss.”

“Dami…” Uyi looked like he had another objection to make, hence Dami hushed him with her finger.

“Let’s go in.”

They both got down from the car and walked to her house, slowly and silently, holding hands like lovers do, not wanting to spoil the moment. Dami unlocked her front door and welcomed him in. The house was beautiful as he would later discover but for that passing moment, Uyi had eyes for Dami alone.

The kissing started all over again but this time, their hands proceeded to discover each other’s bodies all the way from the sitting room to Dami’s bedroom. However Uyi stopped when jolted to his senses the instant his hand found its way down her underwear. He pulled away as if stung by something and apologized.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t have sex with you, Dami. You’re a virgin.”

She laughed, her twinkling eyes, laughing as well. “Relax.” She held his hand.

“No, I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“I said, relax. I’m not a virgin,” she said.


She shook her head. “I started the virgin rumor to give credibility to my career as a model here. It was my selling point. Because God knows I needed to enter the Nigerian market after my relic of a dad burned my entire modeling career in Europe.”

“So, you’re saying…”

“I’m not a virgin. I lied to help my market sell and while my career lasted, it worked, until my dad burned me here again and shoved my ass to work for Felix’s firm,” she said in slight bitterness. “So, don’t you worry, child. I’ve had sex before. Relax.”

“Are you sure?”

“Wouldn’t I know if my hymen went missing?” she laughed.

“Dami…” Uyi still complained but Dami pulled open the drawer attached to her nightstand and showed him an array of condoms.

“If I was a virgin, would I need these?”

“Okay, the number of condoms in there bothers me.”

“Er, I don’t use them. It’s just for… well, you know…” She stretched from her bed to the wall and switched off the lights in the room. Immediately a soft blue glow of moonlight from her wide windows illuminated the bed.

“Is it true you have four boyfriends?”

She shook her head. “I’m seeing four guys but nothing serious. Just casual, nonphysical dates. Nigerians are funny sha. Once a girl goes out on a date with a guy more than once, they assume she must be seeing him exclusively. That’s why that stupid website they created about me is a waste of time. None of those four guys stand a chance. I hardly even see them these days.”

“And what about me?”

She smiled and pointed at her wide grin. “See this? That’s what you do to me.” She sat on his laps. “Be my boyfriend, Uyi. My real boyfriend, not the play-play type.”

Something in the weird accent she used to say the Nigerian expression made him laugh.

“They say you’re a tease,” he stated.

“Am I teasing you now?” she nibbled his earlobe and he squirmed.

“They say you change men like underwear.”

“Make dem say wetin dem wan say. You send dem?”

Again her accent made him laugh.

“You’re an ajebutter and I’m ajepako. Can you handle that?” he asked.

“Butter meets pako. Butter falls in love with pako. Butter makes pako her man.”

Tickling her, Uyi pushed her to the bed and lay over her to look at her intricately carved form under the moonlight. She looked too perfect to be real, like he was staring at real life Barbie.

“Is this just a onetime thing?” he asked.

“No. So if you have a girlfriend, better dump her.”

“She’s already trashed.”

“You talk too much,” she hoisted up to meet him with a kiss.

“If we’re going to be exclusive, no more PDA,” he said.

“Already laying down the rules like a typical Nigerian guy.”

“No clubbing and partying during the week.”

“Yes sir.” She began unbuttoning his shirt.

“And lastly, no…”

“Oh, shut up,” she covered his lips with a fierce kiss him and pulled him to her. A voice told him he was playing with fire but he silenced it and peeled off her clothes and underwear one after the other. She responded to him in a way no woman had ever done before and all of his senses were fully employed in the occupation of pleasing her. To him, it was more than just an act of affection between two lovers; it was a hoorah moment, for on that bed, thanks to his triumphant boner and his new, insanely beautiful girlfriend, he proved that he was not a learner.

However, a while later, as Dami pulled him to the bathroom to have a shower with her, something on the bed seized his attention. He stopped, turned back and turned on the lights and right there in the middle of the bed, staining the flowery, pink bed sheet was evidence of Dami’s lost virginity.

Like cold water being poured over him, he became speechless as he looked at her.

“W-w-what just happened?” he asked.

“Ouch.” She smiled mischievously. “I lied. But you, you just boldly went where no man has gone before. Clap for yourself.”


©Sally @moskedapages



©Sally @moskedapages