It was a beautiful day to get married. Maybe a good day to die too, Uyi thought. If he lay flat on his back on the lush green lawn of the Enenches’ and stared into clear blue sky above, heaven would seem much nearer to him. But no one was speaking of death, not even Peter. It was just a beautiful day and all sadness had to be done away with. Temi’s glow was returning with each passing minute as the female in her got carried away with the excitement of being at a wedding.
“I like that woman’s gown, Uyi. What do you think about the design at the back?”
“Nice,” Uyi muttered, not seeing what she alluding to but letting his eyes appreciate something else on the woman’s back.
“Oh my God! Are those real?”
“What?”
“The diamonds on her neck.”
“I guess so.” Uyi smiled. Again, it wasn’t the lady’s jewelry that caught his eyes. He looked away. His phone was his distraction. He kept glued to it as Temi continued with her excitement, turning her attention to Peter.
The Enenches’ compound was packed full as a traditional wedding conducted mostly in Idoma was well under way. The groom was a young guy, probably younger than his pregnant bride, but there was a constant smile on his face each time he looked at her, as if he had just won a lottery.
“Uncle Uyi?”
Uyi turned to the little girl that had just run to him and was tugging at his arm. She had a companion with her, both of them dressed in the wedding color of blue with gold sashes in their hair. Uyi wasn’t sure how they got to know his name; he didn’t recognize them.
“Hello. How are you, girls?” he asked and the girl who tugged him let out a large toothless grin before she said:
“I love you because you can do maths in your head.”
Uyi raised his brows and gave a short, surprised laugh. “What?”
“And I love you because you leave love bites on my BCs,” the second girl said.
“Ok. Wow. Thanks, girls,” Uyi replied as they hopped away excitedly.
“What are BCs? Broadcasts?” Temi asked.
“Butt cheeks.” Uyi laughed silently.
“Hmmm. So the twenty-eight reasons have begun,” Temi said in a whisper, making sure Peter, Ovie and Murphy who were deep into conversation didn’t hear her. “Twenty-six more to go. This is going to be fun.”
Uyi scanned the wedding area, searching for Dami but she was nowhere in sight. He kept his phone on the table before him and decided to take a walk round the massive compound. If he could get her alone, he would prefer to have her say the other twenty-six reasons while he kissed her entire body. He missed her deeply and was aching to have her in his arms again. Walking through the crowd of people that came for the wedding, he identified a good number of them from his office and others from Geek Elysium. Just as he was about to stroll towards a couple of his former colleagues, the lady with the diamond necklace that had caught Temi’s attention earlier walked up to him.
“Omoruyi?”
“Yes?”
She cleared her throat and almost laughed before she spoke. “I love you because you always make sure I go to church every Sunday.”
Uyi smiled and the lady began explaining she was just a messenger.
“I know, ma’am. Thanks.”
“And please keep making her go to church. She’s a naughty girl.”
Uyi nodded and the lady walked away. At that point, he began to take things seriously. He did a 360 and wondered which of the beautifully dressed ladies in blue was going to approach him next. There were so many and none of them seemed to be aware of his presence. He waited awhile and continued his search for Dami. At the entrance of the main house, he moved away for a group of five teenage girls coming out, speaking excitedly in Idoma. Suddenly they stopped as one of them said something he knew was aimed at him. He waited but they walked off.
“Hello, Omoruyi!”
Ene, who was also coming out of the house with her baby in her arms, stopped in front of him.
“I hope I got the name correctly?”
“You did, ma.”
Uyi studied her dressing and was relieved to find she had chosen the gold instead of the blue but she had a blue headgear and another shining blue piece around her waist.
“I must commend you for the work you’re doing on our Damaris. She’s changed a lot. God bless you jare. And this is your house anytime. Don’t mind Felix and his antics. You’re free to come here; you’re always welcome.”
“Thank you, ma.”
“And lest I forget, she wants you to know that she loves you because of your gizzard-eating skills.”
Uyi’s jaw dropped opened and Ene looked at him in suspicion.
“What is gizzard-eating, young man?”
“Nothing.” Uyi shrugged and tried a plain face.
“Just normal chicken gizzard.”
“Okay.” Ene didn’t look like she believed him. Uyi let out a deep breath and knew he had to find Dami fast. She was getting x-rated with her twenty-eight reasons.
“Mr. Omoruyi?”
Uyi turned around to the voice of Binta and was knocked over by how stunning she looked. Also dressed in blue, she was in a native attire with a veil over her hair. He had never seen her in anything out of office clothes. He couldn’t help but compliment her looks.
“Thank you sir,” she replied with an exceptional smile – another thing he had never seen her with. But what shocked him most was when his boss, Faisal, appeared behind her and protectively put his arm around her waist.
“Good afternoon, Faisal,” Uyi greeted, plain-faced.
“Uyi, my man. How you dey?” Faisal shook his hand. “I watched your girlfriend’s video today. Has the girl in the blue dress arrived yet? Me sef, I wan win Q10.”
Uyi laughed. It was a relief to have Faisal speak to him in easy tones. Their work relationship suffered.
It was clear Faisal was trying to prove Uyi was incompetent but Uyi always seemed to meet up with deadlines and dispensed his duties as he was supposed to. He was glad the light atmosphere and feeling of love in the air that was infecting everybody had gotten into Faisal too.
“Oh, just in case I forget,” Binta said to Uyi, “I love you because of the way you’re a spontaneous kisser.”
Uyi looked at Faisal’s shocked face and bolted out of the area before a fist landed on his face. He was in the house now and it was filled with people as he expected. Everyone he asked about Dami’s whereabouts had no idea where she was and in that short period, he got four more reasons why Dami loved him. He was impressed by the way she had ingeniously gotten women of all ages to find and tell him those words as if they were coming directly from her. He was tempted to let it all play out but he desperately needed to see her.
He stood at the foot of the stairs. It was against his character to venture into people’s privacies without their permission but he knew Dami was up there. He saw two little boys running down and squealing in hyper tones. He made way for them; they disappeared into the crowd of people.
“Travis! George! Come back here now!” A familiar face peeked out from the second flight of stairs and spotted Uyi.
“Omoruyi?” the owner of the face frowned a little and smiled. It was the woman who had come to plead on behalf of her husband. Uyi had forgotten what she told him her name was; it was better to refer to her as Mrs. Dike.
“Good afternoon, ma.”
“Evening. It’s almost evening. Is the wedding over?”
“No. I don’t know. I’m not sure.”
“Those boys are supposed to change for the white wedding. Both of them are page boys. Can you please help me get them?”
“Sure.”
“Thank you.”
She disappeared up the stairs and Uyi blew out an exasperated breath. How was he to find two hyperactive boys in the endless throng of people?
************
“Would you like to take a stroll with me?”
Temi looked at Peter and accepted the hand he stretched out before her. They stood from their table and found their way out of the compound. Cars parked tightly flanked the exclusive street outside the Enenches’ until there was hardly any space left for any two cars to drive by at the same time. Temi and Peter said nothing to each other until they got to another street in the neighborhood that was quieter.
“I heard everything you told me earlier in the house,” Peter began as he put an arm around her.
“And…?”
“Why do you want me around? I’m of no use to you. I can’t make love to you, I’m scared to kiss you, we can’t get married or have kids…there’s just no future for us.”
Temi stopped walking and looked at him. “Peter, I’m as damaged as you. I think between the two of us, we’ve had more sex that we can ever need for the rest of our lives. Are you saying that there isn’t another way we can be around each other unless we’re doing it? And you know you can still totally do it if you want to, right?”
“Ha-ha. No. No, Temi. You deserve more. Let’s just break things off now while we’re still sane and everything is not blurry. I’ve come to learn in this short period that eye dey clear sharply when kasala burst.”
Temi giggled.
“We don’t want anymore kasala.” He shook his head. “As I said, you deserve more.”
“So you’re really going?”
“It’s still an option but you made a lot of sense today.”
“Your parents don’t have to know what you’re going through. Nobody should.”
“You know, in some countries, it’s against the law to be HIV positive and not declare your status. You know that?”
Temi nodded and the continued walking.
“Peter, how about Lolade?”
“Lo-la-de.” Peter grinned. “That babe hates me. I called her to apologize and she swore for me with the worst curses I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Can’t blame a guy for trying. I’ll carry the guilt all my life knowing what I did to her.”
“But everything will be fine, Peter. I promise you. Just don’t go.”
Peter smiled. “Okay, I’ll stay but give me a little time away from everything. I need to normalize. And I’m officially dumping your beautiful ass. You’re free to date any guy out there, just let him pass through my radar first, okay?”
“Right after passing through Uyi’s and Ovie’s. You guys really surprised me today. Thank you for defending me, you and your whole ‘my babe’ speech.” Temi laughed. Peter pulled her cheek and locked her head in his hold, messing up her hair.
“What is wrong with you? My hair! Peter, stop!”
He let her go. “That’s what I do to my younger sister. From now on, that’s how I’ll see you.”
“How nice.” Temi straightened her hair. “Let’s go back to the party.”
************
Uyi held Travis and George in both hands, all three of them soaking wet. The two urchins had gone to the backyard where the swimming pool was located and had taken a dive into the deep end. George being a better swimmer was able to get to the surface but Travis had begun to drown as Uyi approached the pool area. There were hardly any adults there, except a couple relaxing on the only pool lounger by the pool, oblivious of what was happening around them. Uyi was only able to get his shoes off before he plunged in to save Travis. He wasn’t a good swimmer himself and he came to the surface coughing as badly as the little boy in his arms. But he was rewarded for his stress when Travis said, “Uncle, see big catarrh coming out of your nose.”
Uyi burst out laughing and wiped his nose before grabbing both boys and heading back to the house. By now, the traditional wedding was over and the compound was being rearranged for the white wedding which was to take place in less than an hour. With people now dispersed, there was a swarming sea of partiers and Uyi knew it was only smart to take a different route. Led by the boys, he found his way in via the backdoor, wading through the women in the kitchen. As he neared the stairs, the five teenage girls he had come across earlier approached him with their matching attires.
“Uncle Omoruyi, we have been looking for you o,” the shortest amongst them said. Uyi knew what they were up to but he played along.
“Okay. How may I help you?”
“I love you because you have two left feet…” the girl began. Travis looked down at Uyi’s feet and at Uyi’s face and back at his feet again as the girl retrieved her phone to complete her message.
“…but you do well when you try,” she put the phone behind her and smiled, pinching the girl on her right as a cue to say her lines.
“When I don’t want to be nice to anyone, and I get bee… bee…”
“When I don’t want to be nice to anyone and I get all bitchy, you don’t judge me. You actually think it’s cute.” The short one corrected with a roll of her eyes. Clearly, she was the brain amongst them.
“Uncle, what is bitchy?” Travis asked and Uyi ignored him.
The third girl spoke. “Erm…I love you because you don’t get em… embraazed…
Miss Short and Brains butt in to save the day again, taking out her phone to read the lines. “I love you because you don’t get embarrassed even in the most uncomfortable of situations.”
Uyi smiled uneasily. He was gathering a small crowd around him even though the main doors of the house had been shut to curtail the people thronging in. The girl continued.
“I love you because you dance for me with those two left feet when I’m sad.”
Travis looked at Uyi’s feet again; George did the same.
“And I love you because you debunked the myth about the first time hurting like hell. It felt like a prick. LOL! It was.”
“Okay, thank you, girls,” Uyi said hastily when he caught sight of Anyebe walking towards him. He rushed up the stairs.
“Uncle, what is bitchy na?” Travis repeated his question.
“It’s that Bar Beach in Lagos o! Tra, it’s Bar Beach!” George answered.
“Iz not!”
“Yes, it’s Bar Beach in Lagos.” Uyi affirmed and stopped when he came to the second floor of the house. “Which one of you want to tell me where Damaris is?”
“Aunty Dami?”
Travis broke away from Uyi and ran to a door a few feet from them. With a smile, Uyi edged forward but a familiar voice calling his name stopped him.
“You’re not allowed to see her yet,” Ene said coming to him. “And you’re wet. What happened?”
“Uhm…” Uyi looked around and saw that the boys had disappeared. “Long story.”
“Follow me, please.” Ene led him to the nearest room where someone who was sleeping on the bed stirred but kept his back to them. “Na wa for you o, oga.” Ene commented. “You said you came for wedding and you came here to sleep.”
“It’s not my fault,” the person replied. “I hardly had a wink last night.”
Ene laughed and pointed Uyi in the direction of the bathroom. “Take off your clothes, let me have one of the boys tumble it in the dryer for you. It won’t take long.”
Uyi walked into the bathroom and handed her his wet clothes with a word of gratitude. After she was gone, he came out to the bedroom and perched on a stool by the bed.
“Try not to make any sound while you wait. My head hurts.”
Uyi said nothing to the person who had spoken. His silence seemed to cause the man to turn and Uyi was at last, face to face with the infamous Dike character.
For a few seconds they observed each other closely until Uyi, out of respect for Dike’s age, looked away.
“Looks like we’ll be seeing more of each other. We better break this awkwardness between us now.” Dike sat up and let out his hand for a shake.
“Elvis Ogbudike. Just call me Dike.”
“Omoruyi.” Uyi gave him a firm handshake and they went into another bout of silence.
“So, she’s really serious about you? Dami?”
“Yeah.”
“Wish you guys the best.”
Uyi nodded, not masking the suspicion in his eyes. Dike went back to sleep and a short while later, the door opened and a boy walked in with Uyi’s clothes all dried and ironed. Uyi got dressed, mumbled to Dike he was leaving and walked out.
At the hallway, he spied the door Travis had shown him earlier and began heading to it but Ene appeared again from another room and handed her baby to him.
“She has a message for you,” Ene said hurrying off. “Check her hand!”
Uyi looked at the baby’s left hand that was stuck to her mouth and pried away a note clasped in it. The baby started to cry and he bounced her up and down as he read the note written in Dami’s writing.
“I love you because you introduced me to Naruto. Now I can’t seem to have enough.”
Uyi tapped the baby’s back to placate her but she barfed a mouthful of breastmilk on his shirt.
“Oh God,” he muttered and doggedly headed to the bedroom Dami was in. He knocked once and when he got an answer, he walked in. Dami, who was before the mirror, shrieked when she saw him, and threw a powder puff at him.
“You’re not supposed to see me now! I’m a mess!” she exclaimed as she got up, showing him the t-shirt she was wearing and her hair that stood in spikes over a makeup free face.
“Hi, Damaris.”
She melted at his tone briefly and went back into her frenzy.
“You have to go back downstairs! And what are you carrying?”
“A baby.”
“I know it’s a baby. Look what it’s done on your shirt.” She burst into the bathroom and came out with a towel to wipe the baby vomit.
“Uyi, please, go back downstairs.” She took agitated swipes on the shirt.
“No, I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Has the bride given you her reason yet? She’s number twenty-seven.”
“No.”
“How about my aunt from my mom’s side. Have you met her?”
“No.”
“And the girls from my village? The four teenage girls with one other short one I put in charge of them? Have they met you?”
“Yes, they have. And so far, I have gotten eighteen reasons why you love me, during which period I have walked the length and breadth of this house looking for you, almost drowning to save a naughty boy from the swimming pool, meeting your ex and abandoning my friends. I am hungry, I have missed you and I just want us to bury all this madness between us and move on.”
The door opened and Ene poked in her head. “My baby!” she announced and Uyi passed the baby to her. “And you two, no hanky-panky here, okay?”
Dami and Uyi nodded. Ene shut the door and Uyi locked it altogether.
“I have been planning this for weeks, Uyi. Every one of the people that came to you today is from my family apart from your PA. I put her in last minute. Why did you come in here and spoil everything na? I was supposed to meet you outside with the one final reason and kiss you after saying it.”
Uyi sat on the bed and pushed aside a heap of clothes. “I’m here, now. You know I don’t like the public thing. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I don’t want to share you with the world or have them poking their noses into our affairs. I know you don’t mind but Dami, you have to draw the line somewhere, luv.”
Dami moved back to the dressing table and leaned on it. “So, we should forget the other ten reasons why I love you more?”
“No. I’m listening. Please, tell me.”
“Oh-oh-oh! You spoilt everything, Uyi. It was so perfect.”
“Nothing’s perfect, Damaris. Not me, not you, not life. And I’ve decided to take things and people as they are. When I look at you, I don’t see perfection; I just see Dami. And I think that’s why I love you.”
Dami’s lips spread out wide and a familiar sparkle lit up her eyes. “You said you love me.”
“Let’s not get into that romantic movie rubbish. I love you. I don’t even know what that means but if I can get to the point where I can say it and I say it comfortably, I think it means I’m in love.”
He got off the bed and made his way to her. putting his hands to rest on the table by her sides, he looked into her eyes.
“Number nineteen,” he cleared his throat. “I love you because you’re crazy and you make no apologies for who you are.” He looked at her feet and his adoring gaze moved all the way up to her lips. “Number twenty: because you have the sexiest body on earth even beneath ugly clothes and a mad woman’s hair.”
He lifted her off the table and she wrapped her legs around him. “Twenty-one: because you’re skinny and I can carry you any way I want.”
He landed her hard on the bed and she screamed, erupting in laughter afterwards. He watched her in her amusement and smiled.
“Twenty-two: cos you are my therapy and you don’t charge me for it.”
“Awww.” She pulled him to the bed. A kiss waited for him on her lips but he refused it and chose to keep his eyes locked in hers while his hand tickled her sides.
“Stop it,” she giggled.
“Twenty-three,” he went on, “cos you smell like heaven no matter what time of the day.”
“Uyi, stop it!” she smacked his butt and wiggled away from him but he drew her back and kissed her without warning. She held the kiss and her eyes went misty.
“Twenty-four,” he spoke through her lips, his hand snaking up her things. “Because of the way you know what I’m about to do before I do it.”
“That’s because your hands are always there first, silly.”
“Keep quiet and enjoy it. Twenty-five: cos I don’t know much about you but I know it’s going to be an exciting adventured, explorrrrrring…”
“Uyi…” Dami called weakly as she squirmed under his touch.
“Damaris! Omoruyi!” Ene banged at the door and Dami rolled her eyes.
“I can shoot her right now.” Dami clenched her teeth but left her legs wrapped around Uyi.
“Dami, you’re the maid of honor. The bride is ready! Come out now!”
“Okay, Aunty!”
“Now!”
“Yes ma!”
They heard the sound of Ene’s stilettos leaving the door before they faced each other.
“Come on, get dressed and go and do your bridesmaid things.”
“How about twenty-six to twenty-eight?” Dami asked as she got off the bed.
Uyi smiled. “I’ll leave those ones for you.” He winked and walked out.
************
The wedding dragged on for four more hours but Uyi enjoyed every bit of it; at least, the bit where his eyes never left Dami. He wasn’t going to admit it to anyone but it was his first time falling in love, ever in his life. Weirdly, he wasn’t feeling like he was floating in the skies, nor did he have any funny butterflies in his stomach. For the first time, he was very in control of every faculty in him; his mind and heart were finally united. Gone was the clueless look in his eyes. He had a sure stare as he fixed his heart on the one person he wanted with him.
He smiled, she was running to him. She could just walk but she was running, Dami style – the girl in the sky-blue dress . She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him really tight and spoke into his ears her last three reasons why she loved him more. At that moment, he didn’t care who was watching. He accepted her kiss and enjoyed the hooting from his friends. After they broke apart, Uyi bade them a good night and took her home.
©Sally @moskedapages
************
Seated beside Peter in the backseat of Ovie’s car as they drove home, Temi logged on to Twitter.
She waited while her Uber app loaded fully and listened to the lighthearted comments Murphy was making about the wedding.
She began a new tweet:
I thought I was infatuated until I had to let go today. Turned out it was love and I didn’t know it.
Second Tweet:
My heart is broken. I’ll miss him. But the look in his eyes is priceless. I hope that makes me happy
Temi blinked away the tears that were forming in her eyes.
“Are you okay?” Peter asked. She nodded and he held her hand. “Don’t worry; he’s in good hands and you’ll be fine too.”
Temi looked at Peter and smiled, withdrawing her hand for her final tweet. It was funny how when she listened to Dami tell Uyi her last three reasons why she loved him, they echoed exactly what she felt for him deep in her heart.
She set her fingers to her keypad and almost changed her mind. She swallowed the aching in her throat, pushed down her pain and typed:
#Dami’s28 U luv him cos he’s helped u grow. cos he loves u just the way u are. cos u can’t help but love such an amazing person.