Remi couldn’t look more surprised if he’d opened his eyes one morning and found Beyonce lying next to him.
Or maybe he would have. Anyways…
Dapo frowned, looking at Yemisi – particularly at the pinkish stain that was rapidly spreading along her face. “Yemisi?”
Her mouth was opening and closing like a gaffed fish’s. She tried to speak – what came out was a weird croak.
She swallowed and tried again.
“Dapo…who is this?” she asked. Dapo’s face screwed up as though he’d just swallowed something bitter. “What do you mean? I told you – my cousin Remilekun, ‘Lekun for short.”
“He’s…your…cousin?”
Turning to look at his cousin, Dapo poked him in the chest with an aggressive finger. “You better start talking, guy. Where do you know my girlfriend from?”
Heavy emphasis on the girlfriend.
“I…I didn’t know she was your girlfriend! I just…” Remi stopped speaking as Yemisi pushed him aside roughly and moved quickly away.
“Yemisi –“ Dapo started, and then moved after her rapidly, thoughts racing randomly through his head. He did not understand what she was – in fact, he understood nothing about the past few minutes.
Maybe I should have stopped and questioned Remi…
No. In this situation, you chase the most desirable objective. In this case…
Yemisi.
He caught up with her as she stepped out of the hall’s side door and reached out to hold her elbow. She snatched it from his grasps without pausing – and then she started to run.
“Yemisi…what are you doing?” he asked, feeling exasperated. It’s things like these…
That make you wonder why you’re not single?
“Oh shut it!” he muttered, wincing from the abrupt change in temperature as he left the cool of the hall. He saw Yemisi making her way between vehicles towards the gate and ran to stop her.
“What is it?” He said forcefully, biting his lips to refrain from yelling at her. She stood in front of him quietly, chest heaving with some emotion with her face averted – and then she looked directly at him.
The tears streaming down her face shocked him into silence.
“Am I that pathetic a girlfriend that after five days of being with me you would set me up with your cousin? Why did you not just say you were not interested – instead of being nice and so sweet and…and…”
Dapo grabbed her shoulders none-too-gently – and dropped his hands to his sides at her wince. “Yemisi…what are you saying?”
She tossed her hair. “Ask your cousin,” she said and walked away.
******************************************************************************************************
“Dapo…I swear…”
“Guy, e don do,” Dapo responded, impatiently brushing aside Remi’s explanations. He continued his staring at Yemisi, who was on the other side of the room studiously avoiding his gaze. He knew what she was thinking – he just couldn’t make sense of it.
“Why would you think that?” he muttered under his breath.
“Think what?” Kazeem asked from his left.
“I’m not talking to you,” Dapo snapped rudely. Kazeem looked at his plate and gently set it down as everybody else looked away – including Grace.
They knew the signs.
See? There’s just nothing you know how to do other than ruin things for the people you so supposedly care about.
Don’t even do that. This one – this one time it not my fault. In any way!
Look – maybe if she had been patient, maybe if she had waited some more days she would have met him, and she would have been single, and they would have gotten themselves out of my hair.
And then, you would have continued your drinking and porn-watching and…
You’ve made your point.
“I’m stll crazy though,” he said out loud. “Still having arguments with myself!”
A sharp pain in his side brought him out of himself and he realized the whole hall was staring at him. He stared back at them with aggression – as his hand moved down to his side to find it was an elbow digging in there. Some further probing revealed it was his cousin on the other end of it.
“What is it?” he almost yelled.
Remi looked apologetic. “You’ve been called to give the toast,” he said.
Dapo was stunned. He turned in his seat to find Chidi and his wife smiling in his direction. He shook his head gently – and stopped as Chidi pointed to his new wife and shrugged.
He stepped away from his seat, scooping the half-full wine cup and walked to the stage amidst scattered applause. Taking the mic from the MC, he turned to face the crowd, heart thumping crazily.
You should have had a drink.
He found himself looking in a pair of eyes, eyes wet with tears, eyes that met his unflinchingly – and holding the gaze Dapo began to speak.
“I don’t like banks. Honestly, I’m that guy who likes to look at his money and know it is not going anywhere. Maybe it is not growing – but it is NOT going anywhere.”
There was some laughter – except in the eyes he was looking at. He continued.
“I’d rather keep my money under the pillow and if the house burns, I know my money burnt with the house. What am I going to do when some bank suddenly tells me they failed? What is that? Did they do a test with my money?”
The eyes he was looking into struggled – and then gave into the urge to laugh.
And he, in that moment believed everything was going to be just fine.
“But I have been at a bank twenty times in the past few months. Why?”
He paused dramatically, watching the audience as it seemed it held its breath collectively, waiting for him to let them down.
“Well, because Chidi met his special one at GT bank! Why not me?”
The audience erupted with loud laughter.
But he wasn’t done. He waited for the initial wave of laughs to die down – and then he delivered his coup de grace;
“At least they got that one right!”
The reception went bonkers. Someone yelled from the crowd; “You gave the wrong guy the emcee job!”
Soon enough, they calmed down and he became serious. “I know I speak for so many people here when I say marriage has lost its enchantment and allure – even relationships have become mundane somewhat. We all walk around with a lot of baggage – mad at each other as though it is all our faults that baggage is there.”
He paused and cleared his throat.
“But in the midst of all that, something like this comes along to remind us that it is not all futile. I wonder what made Chidi speak to Rita – I wonder what made her respond. Chidi’s not that fine na.”
Amidst the audience’s laughter, Chidi stood up in his seat and looked for something to throw at Dapo. Failing to find anything, he bit down on his forefinger – and then snapped it in Dapo’s direction. Dapo shrugged, smiling as Rita laughing dragged her husband down to his seat.
“But she did – and here we are, celebrating with them and wishing them well, at least we hope you all wish them well. And if you don’t, na you know o. Nothing can shake this couple.
“Personally, this for me is a revelation, learning, a knowing that sometimes, life throws things our way. Things happen – but in the midst of all that, love remains real.”
He lifted his glass up. “Here’s to Chidi and Rita, and a promise of love.”
He bowed, tipped the glass to his lips and drank.
******************************************************************************************************
“That was amazing!” Grace gushed as soon as he returned to his seat. “And that wasn’t rehearsed?”
Dapo smiled at her. “I wish it was.”
Kazeem said half-drunkenly. “Omo, if na so you dey sound without rehearsal, you dey try o! You supposed be pastor. Your mouth sweet!”
Remi couldn’t wait to speak. “Man, I never thought I’d say this but – I’m proud of you man! Nicely done!” He patted Dapo’s shoulder. “You definitely are giving the toast at my wedding!”
Dapo sounded bitter. “To who?”
Remi was going to give a flippant answer, but then he saw the look on Dapo’s face and his own countenance fell. “Em…”
As one, as though by mutual consent, they turned and looked at Yemisi.
She was oblivious to their attention as she played the perfect host, laughing brightly and handing out one of her greeting cards to a young couple.
Dapo smiled sadly.
******************************************************************************************************
“I just want to talk to you,” he yelled to make himself heard over the pouring rain.
“We have nothing to talk about,” came the answer. “Just go away.”
Dapo shook his head and angrily looked at his wrist watch. Seven minutes after nine on a rainy Sunday evening. This is why I stay out of relationships!
“What do you mean we have nothing to talk about? You’re just going to jump to conclusions – I don’t even get to tell my side of the story?”
“If I am jumping to conclusions they are the logical ones! You don’t believe in coincidence Dapo, so can you please explain to me how your cousin happened to be eating in a Tantalizers just three blocks away from my office?!”
“I will – right after you explain to me how I knew you were going to eat there that afternoon!”
There was a moment of silence – and then; “Oh, stop it Dapo! Everyone knows how smart you are! It’s a simple matter of just asking him to go there and watch for me –“
Dapo was shocked. “You cannot possibly be serious. And why would I bother with such elaborate Game-Of-Thrones plotting – when I could very well have shut you down the moment you asked?”
Yemisi sounded tired. “Look Dapo, I don’t know how genius thinking works. Just go away please.”
That familiar madness welled up inside Dapo, and he found himself speaking angrily before he could stop himself.
“I don’t have time for this nonsense. I don’t know what happened to you to make you so freaking paranoid – but it sure did a number on you. I didn’t ask for this – you came to me and I did my best to make it work when I could have easily told you no. So whatever it is you’re telling yourself – don’t forget that.”
He turned away and walked to his car.
******************************************************************************************************
There goes another one.
Don’t even start. This one has nothing to do with me.
Did I say it did? I’m just pointing out the fact that we’re alone again.
And better for it, trust me.
He raised his hand to push the bell again – and then Remi opened the door. “Hey Dapo! Sorry o, this rain – “
Brushing past Remi rudely, he took off everything he had on, leaving a puddle of wet clothes in front of his door, along with a staring Remi. And then, without a stitch of clothing, he went into his bedroom – particularly the wall closet.
He opened a small cupboard and lifted a half-full bottle of McDowell’s. He dumped it on the table, shivering slightly as he ran to turn off the room’s air-conditioning – and then sat on the bed and stared at the gold liquid in the bottle.
He closed his eyes and pictured the tears as they streamed down her full cheeks. Yemisi, who was only trying to help.
You were too hard on her.
And she wasn’t on me? I mean, she knew who I was before she decided to give it a shot. She should at least have given me the benefit of doubt! It was as though she had been looking for an excuse to get mad at me!
It’s not about you.
Oh really? And who is it about? Who are we saving again?! It IS about me!
Oh, shut up.
I am going mad.
He reached for the McDowell’s and slowly began to unscrew the cap.
You’re going to drink? That’s the solution – drink? All this time and this is what it comes down to?
Would everything have been for nothing?
He stopped and thought about that.
But I hurt!
I know. I hurt too; in case you forget. But this is what has to be. We work through the pain, and come out of this a better person. That’s why we agreed in the first place – because we were also tired of all the sadness.
But I tried…
Try harder. Do better, Dapo.
You can be better. You are better.
But Yemisi…
Will have to work her way through whatever it is she’s feeling – just like we are.
Be better.
Dapo took a deep breath and hurled the McDowell’s bottle against the wall – averting his face as it smashed into several hundred fragments and bathed him with flammable liquid.
Okay – so that’s not what I meant.
There was hurried banging at the door. “Dapo! Dapo what are you doing?! Open this door!” Came Remi’s frenzied yelling.
Dapo laughed. “Calm down jo. There’s nothing happening – go and sleep.”
Smiling to himself, he listened as Remi’s footsteps dwindled away.
Okay – you were not supposed to throw that bottle like that, but it works. Tell me you don’t feel better.
He watched the golden liquid trickle down the wall and nodded.
I feel better.
He lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling till it was morning.
follow Seun on Twitter @Seunodukoya