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Fish Brain Clan

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So many of you haven’t read this and I have been getting countless DMs and emails requesting its release. For those of you who had issues downloading, well worry not. I’ll be releasing all the episodes of Fish Brain Clan and Fish Brain Games on this particular Blog.


It was something right out of a movie scene. I think I even watched it in an episode of Friends, where Ross at the altar, about to say his vows to his fiancée, Emily, called out Rachel’s name instead. It went something like this:

“I, Ross, take you Rachel…”

And I can tell you that the wedding ended right there and then. Seriously, what girl in her right mind would go on to marry a guy who was thinking about someone else other than her at the altar?! Well, I wouldn’t but since I was the other girl whose name was mentioned, I would go right ahead and say ‘I do!’ Hehehehehe.

Like I said, right out of a movie! James called my name in front of Watzhername, her family, his family, all their relatives, their friends, church members and a few wedding crashers—over two thousand people in all. When that faux pas happened, I wasn’t even listening. I was pinging my girlfriend, Fiyin, who couldn’t make it to the wedding because she had an accident and was recuperating at home. I switched myself off from the whole scene and became deaf to all that was going on in the church that day. I had banished James from my heart to some degree. But let me not lie, there were still residue of feelings left.

Oh, rubbish! It’s either you still love someone or you don’t. Truth was I still loved him. Don’t blame me; it wasn’t easy letting go even after three years. We were the perfect couple, match made in heaven, two peas in pod, blah-blah-blah… Everyone thought it was going to be happily ever after for us.

Everyone, except James himself.

He said I had no future ambition. He added that all I cared about were sugar, spice and everything pricey. He even went further to explain that I was going to run him out of business and brain matter with high demands and my endless unwitting and shallow personality. Me, endlessly unwitting? What did that even mean? I know what shallow means; it’s the opposite of deep (correct me if I’m wrong) but unwitting? I still haven’t checked the dictionary for what that word means. But still, who was he to call me names? I mean, did Watzhername have more witting personality than me? I cooked, I cleaned, I hung with some of his friends, I learnt every game he played on his PS3, I learnt to knot a tie, and finally I gave it to him every and anytime he wanted without complaining (don’t tell Pastor Ishi), and on top of everything, I was working! Ehen! I had a job and worked hard for my money! So what was all that misyarning[1] that he was doing?

It all started on Val’s day when he took me out to see a movie. A movie! One day in the year to show love to your sweetheart and you take her to a movie and spend let me see… 3k for the tickets for both of us and 2k for drinks and popcorn… and that was all! I’m not including the set of silver jewelry he got for me. That’s my right. But a movie? Thumbs down, Jamie. Very classy.

So halfway into the movie, he was like, “Amaka, where do you see yourself five years from now?”

I looked around to see if there was another girl around us in that dark movie theatre with a bold name tag AMAKA. There was no one like that. I now started thinking ‘what type of question is this one now?’ It sounded like one of those job interview questions.

Interviewer: Miss Amaka, if we give you this job, where do you see yourself in this company five years from now?

Me: Me? Er…I see myself in an office with a perfect view overlooking the whole of Victoria Island and the Atlantic. Also I see myself at the head of the table in board meetings…

Interviewer: It’s okay, Miss Amaka. You can go now. Thank you.

“Amaka, I’m talking to you,” James gently tapped me.

“Where do I see myself?” I laughed to ease my unease and hit him playfully. “I see myself with you, silly. We’d have a boy by then and a girl on the way, plus our own house somewhere in Lekki with four cars and…”

“No, I meant, where do you see yourself career-wise?”

I frowned. “Jamie, what is all this nah? Are you still insisting that I change my job? I like what I do and my boss likes me and all the guys in the office are very nice to me. I don’t want to work in a bank!”

“I am not asking you to work in a bank. I’m just concerned that you don’t have any future plans for yourself.”

“My future plan is you, boo.” I pouted and rested my head on his shoulder.

He pulled away from me. “Your lack of ambition is really disturbing me.”

My lack of ambition? If only he knew how I planned to build an empire on top of his head. I saw homes and cars and trips to the Caribbean and shopping in Milan and Paris… You don’t get more ambitious than that! mnh-mnh!

“Please tell me you’ll think of what I told you. A life without a plan or purpose is a life doomed for destruction.”

I rolled my eyes. He had started with one of his Oyedepo sayings. I’m not sure that’s exactly what he said but I knew it was an Oyedepo.

“Will you do it for me? Will you take out time to sit and really think about your future outside of me and put down goals you want to achieve in the short term that would propel you into achieving long term goals?”

Hian! I didn’t understand a word he was saying but I nodded. And my dears, that was the beginning of the end for James and me o! I swear, my stepmother is behind our breakup.

So, as we drove out of the cinema that day, he gave me two weeks to be all on my own to plan for my future. And you know what? I did as he wanted. I first handled the short term goals. I went shopping; I bought myself a box of clothes and shoes and some nice jewelry. I mean, a girl needs to look good for the future, right? You can’t face your tomorrow dressed like yesterday. Mark that one people. That saying is an Amaka! And it rings true too. If you’re stuck in your past, change your wardrobe!

Two weeks later, he dropped by to check on me and my future. I mumbled something about owning a boutique just to get him off my back. I can tell you he wasn’t impressed. My Jamie is a no-nonsense boy. When he’s made his mind, there’s no going back. He can be downright mean. He looked me in the face, right into my eyes and said the three words that broke my heart for eight solid months.

“It’s over.”

Okay, that’s two words. Wait…

“It is over.” Yes! It is over. Those were the exact words. Three, short but harsh words that sounded very long that day. What a rotten time that was but thank God I made it. And there I was a year later in one of those big churches in Lagos, pinging my girlfriend while James was securing his own future.

–Fi, dis weddn is borin o! cming home soon

abeg stay bak 4 mor gist

mehn, I cnt. Jamie luks so hawt. cnt stand dat he’s marryin watzhername.

Iz all ur fault nau. u fkd up

I know but…

“Look at her. She’s not even moved. She’s just on her phone.” I heard a woman say in the background but I continued pinging. Her gossiping had nothing to do with me.

“Ashewo!” another whispered.

Ha-ahn. Which kain church be dis? Watzhername is not that bad. She shows off a lot but ashewo? No, Jamie will not marry that type of person. I shut my ears to the whispers and continued pinging Fiyin.

D weddn is even skata-skata. ppl r jus makng noise arnd me. i hav 2tel pst Ishi his congregatn is rude

*batting eye lashes* pst ishi is dere? *covering eyes*

Er… kip ur tots 2ursef, hez celibate n a tru MOG

I paused from pinging Fiyin and checked a Facebook update. Mtsheeew. Just an idiot liking my status. The LED light on my phone blinked and I went back to Fiyin. What a shock I received when I saw this:

Is it tru dat Jamie jus calld ur name at d alta

“Me?” I said out loud and looked up ahead of me. James was still standing, facing Watzhername na. Which one was him calling my name at the altar again? Mehn, Fiyin’s pain medication must be getting her high.

My phone vibrated.


Ansa me


I was trying to make sense of the bombshell Fiyin had sent but I was also now aware of my surroundings as the whisperings increased. To my surprise, I noticed all the people around me staring at me, and like a ripple, the ones that were not, started turning my way after other people whispered to them.

Okay, something was categorically wrong here. I knew I was on my period but I was not known to stain myself and last I checked, I was using both a panty liner and a tampon to be double safe. Yet, I couldn’t help moving my bum this way and that to be sure I was okay. I wished I had come with someone so that they would at least tell me what was going on.

Somehow God heard my prayer. A friend of James who was seated in front, whom I totally changed seats to avoid, turned to me and signaled that I should meet him outside. I consciously stood up, still scared that I was stained, and hurried out of the church that was now rumbling in low voices. I wondered what the noise was all about and why Pastor Ishi was asking James to repeat himself. Outside, James’ friend dragged me to the parking lot and after he was sure no one was looking, he started shouting on me for being a whore.

“Okay wait, Shola,” I turned round. “Am I stained?”

“No,” he replied hurriedly. Not because he was angry but because I didn’t have much on my backside to dwell on. I have full hips and luscious double Ds in front but I can’t shake what my mama didn’t give me. Damn her! She had to take it all.

“You went and slept with James,” Shola accused.

“Me? When?”

“Yesterday, this morning, who cares?! You did it of recent and now he thinks you’re the one he’s saying his vows to! What is wrong with you?!”

“Shola please, talk slowly and explain what is happening. Fiyin just pinged me that Jamie called my name on the altar. For what?”

Shola looked at me like he wanted to bitchslap the cluelessness out of me. If I had flashed my cheeks, he would have done it. While I was with James, he disliked me because he believed I stole James from him; as in, they were not hanging out with the other guys like they used to and James was no longer giving him money to sustain his fake lifestyle.

“Were you on your phone while the solemnization was going on?” Shola asked.

“Which ones is solemnization again?” I asked, annoyed at him for accusing me for sleeping with James, something I kind of wanted to do, ironically.

“See, just because you studied linguistics doesn’t mean you have to be making me look stupid every time. Mtsheew[2] speak normal English jor.”

“I’m talking about the wedding! Give me that phone!” He snatched my BB and explained to me in layman’s terms what James had done. My mouth hung open and I turned in the direction of the church. Then my whole body began to act up like it does whenever I hear bad news. I couldn’t think. I was having problems breathing. My stomach was turning. My head was expanding and shrinking at the same time. My vision was turning black. My knees were shaking and before I could stop myself, I was falling. Yes, I am a fainter and I fainted right on the ground of the parking lot and that stupid Shola did not even catch me. As I fell, I heard him say something like ‘husband snatcher.’ or was it ‘friend snatcher’?

[1] Misyarning – Senseless talk

[2] Mtsheew – A hiss

© Sally@moskedapages Cover Design by @IamAyomiDotun

I hope you enjoyed today’s post. Next week is Watzhername’s side of the story. If you were in her shoes, would you forgive James? If you were James, would you go on with the wedding? If you were Amaka, would you go back to James?

Read on! Fish Brain Clan Two  Three  Four  Five  Six  Seven  Eight  Nine  Ten  Eleven  Twelve

THR33WAY IS NO FREEWAY #3 BY @shaiontheprowl


Hello guys,

Some of you read last week’s post and it was titled #3. I just want to apologize and correct it. Today’s post is actually the real number 3. It was an oversight on my part.

But nothing’s changed. Please, enjoy as usual.

She was still licking her wounds from a good relationship that had ended very badly. Luckily for her, she was due back in Nigeria after earning a diploma from Stanford University when it happened. She needed a break from her very painful experience with Tunji, it was why she jumped at the offer of a bank job in Lagos when it came along. She was barely two weeks back in the country when she ran into Kate, a long-lost friend with whom she lost contact when she traveled out. They had been BFFs growing up and in the university, before she skipped school in 200 level and traveled out with her parents. They had endured a lot of mischievous escapades together and so she understood why she gave her a rough time when they ran into each other on one of the aisles at Shoprite in Ikeja. She had skipped out of the country without letting her know and couldn’t communicate with her (even if she had wanted to). Her behavior was not entirely her fault and she had asked Kate to lunch the next day so she could better explain and ask for her forgiveness. An invitation that was graciously accepted with a playful threat –

“I will make you pay for all those years.”

They had met at The Yellow Chilli, Kate had come with her adorable baby. She worked at a nearby hospital as a lab scientist, but was off duty. They spent a very pleasant three hours going over their past escapades and reconnecting. She learned about Kate’s charming husband and all about her work. They had reignited their old friendship and a steady friendship developed over the next few weeks. Every time they met Kate spoke about her husband with loving dreamy eyes. It made her long for a man of her own that could make her feel the way she felt. It was not long for Kate to notice her own downcast mood when men were mentioned.

“Hey sis. What is eating you up?” She asked her on one of their hangouts. “What is the problem? You don’t have nothing good to say when I talk about men. I know all the things you did way back. So, don’t pretend with me o,” Kate was looking at her with a mocking smirk on her face.

“Ah, nothing. I just had my fill of the male specie. As a matter of fact, I just came off a very nasty one with one of the dirtiest of their kind. I am on sabbatical.” They both roared with laughter.

“But, you do have a strong relationship with your husband. I am happy that you found someone like him. Love is scarce, and genuine love is scarcer.”

“Well, you can say that again. He is a charm. Maybe one of these days, you will meet him. He is a gentleman and a stud and all that rolled in one.” They had laughed again.

It was good to laugh again. It was also good to have a friend from the past around to share a few nice moments with, when the everyday life of Lagos permitted.

So, it was very difficult to readjust to a life without Kate when she failed to show up for more than two months for their usual weekly rendezvous. She tried her numbers without success and kept coming to the Yellow Chili every Wednesday at 2pm and leaving at 3pm. She finally accepted that Kate had gotten even with her for what she did all those years ago. She just hoped her punishment wouldn’t be for longer. She was the only one from her past that she knew and was comfortable with.

So, it was a pleasant surprise when she eventually got a call from Kate. She however sounded different from the vivacious Kate she knew. They arranged to meet that afternoon, and she had been shocked beyond imagination when she saw her. She was much leaner than when they last met. It was a sickly Kate that had showed up. Her eyes were colorless, distant with her cheeks shrunken.

“Oh My God! Kate.” She held her for a long moment. She was bony and fragile. “What happened to you? Hope no man trouble…..”

“I am sorry Buks. I had an illness and on top of that I lost my phones. There was no way to contact you or let you know. Unfortunately, I had no means of sending word to you until I was able to lift your number from one of the e-mails you sent to me. But, I am okay now. Glory be to God.”

They had a somber and subdued afternoon together. It was a surprise when Kate had offered to send her a “dream man soon”. She had told her the man was very similar to her own husband in many ways and was in need of a good woman.

“No, no, no Kate. I am not ready for a blind date or to be hooked with a guy now. I just started getting into the groove of things at work. I don’t need another man messing with my head and my life now”

“But, this is not just any man. He is someone I know very well and whom I can recommend to you. He will treat you right. All I will do is to send him your way. And if you don’t like him, you can drop him without him knowing what was going on.”

She had gone on to elaborate on her plans for hooking her up with this dream man, “You work at BankPHB on MBA way, so it works well for my plan. He also does business with your branch, so it won’t be difficult for you too. You just act normal and all. All I will do is to tell you his name so you can spot him easily when he comes to you.”

She had written the name on a slip of paper towel and given her a physical description. It was like the old days again, a game they played as childhood friends, always trying to hook each other up with male friends. Both of them looking out for each other –BFFs.


That was how it began.

She had looked out every day since that day Kate gave her the name and description on a piece of paper for him. She knew the name by heart and had committed the physical description to memory. But for a month after that lunch date the ‘knight-in-shining-armor” never showed at the bank. The expectation was beginning to wane in her mind, and her focus redirected fully towards work when she saw him.

Her heart did a dangerous double somersault as he approached her desk from the entrance cubicle. He was every inch the demigod Kate had promised – smooth skin, a cute mouth, slightly hooked nose and very bright pair of eyes. He was taller than she had pictured in her mind, but in every other detail it was like she had met him before – the mental image was almost perfect.

She struggled hard to keep her face straight and dared not look at him when he spoke to her until she was sure she had herself under control. By some quirky twist of fate, she had been moved onto a new set of knotty accounts the previous day. They were accounts which had not been resolved by the previous guy who handled them before he was moved out of the system – each one of those accounts had its own peculiarity. She had not had time to study the files, and was just doing that when she sighted him; and as it would happen, in her attempt not to look directly at him until she was sure her composure was back, she occupied herself with fishing through the files in an attempt to cover up her high cheek color. It was in this way she came up with the file for Mr. Izuchukwu Amadi. It all clicked together at once.


Kate should have told her she was sending her brother her way. He is hot, very hot!

And as they say, everything from then on became written.


He was very passionate the way he had pleaded his case. That coupled with the fact that he was as cute as a new-born babe made concentrating on what he was saying difficult. She could also see that she had scored a major point with him. He was struggling to keep himself from looking directly at her. Every time he did, he took a few moments to refocus his mind and pick up his thread of thought. He was like a scatter-gun at a battle field. Shooting off in hope to hit some targets – that happened only when he looked her directly in the eye.

This was not going to be hard. Already her heart was reaching out for the man, but her head was slamming on the brakes – very hard.

She didn’t need to hear too much to be convinced, so she had recommended his application for approval. She needed to get him out of the bank before he made her heart burst and spill all over the bank floor from her longing for a man, a man like him.

“Mr. Izu Amadi, I am recommending your application for approval. You have a solid business proposal here and I believe the BRICS is a territory our people need to be playing more in. We need to canalize routes into that market before the sharks from Europe and America get in there and muddy the waters.”

She registered the transition of many emotions as they flitted across his face upon hearing that she was approving his proposal. Surprise, understanding, gratitude and something she couldn’t define immediately. They all were projected upon his cherubic face before he left, bustling out of the bank with so much pomp.

The guy was a chronic gambler, she could see that from a mile away. But in this game, gambling is all they knew. Every day a high risk stakes were being played. Sometimes, the losses are monumental and so also the profits could be mind-boggling. The stock market and financial mine fields are not for the lily-livered. However, he had a very good record of having a hand of aces. He pays up his loans ahead of schedule too and had a sizable figure lodged in his account.

To her, he had marvelous potentials and he had done his part to give collateral that would cover his exposure to the bank, if at all anything went wrong. He was going to shoot into the ranks of their ‘star clients’ if his deals go as planned in his proposal. Of course, she knew there are margins for error and bad deals, but even if those are taken into consideration she was sure the profits were still going to be sizable. The risk levels, other than the amount he had asked for, were really low.

The tourism and hospitality business really didn’t need much more than commercial and salesmanship nous.

Moreover, his file was ‘healthy’ and her assessment was that he was a ‘safe’ candidate for the particular business transaction. She knew her emotions weighed in heavily on her decision, she however saw plenty professional justification for her decision. It made everything easier.

However, what was not easy is how to handle herself around Izuchukwu. He made her heart sprint like it never had before. Before leaving the office that day, with Izuchukwu’s files tucked in her carry-on bag for further study and risk assessment, she said a short prayer to God for her friend Kate, who served her this delicious brother of hers.

She made a mental note not to find herself alone with him. She might not be able to control how she would react.



Afghanistan Memoirs (May He Be Your Sapper) by Leslie Dapwatda

21 MAR ’12
So the 19 of March we began our endless
journey to the Middle East. We had
a lay over at Gander international airport in
Canada (Newfoundland). I dont
know why they call it international airport, heck
I dont know why they call
it an airport at all. It was silent like a grave yard.
And seriously I
learnt something about North American
Geography that I never new
before…Took us about 7 hours to get to Gander
from SeaTac (Seattle,
Washington). And I also learnt to appreciate my
phone service provider some
more. Every body’s phone company was
charging them $9 – $15 per MB of data
and outrageous charges for calls but Verizon
was charging me $2.50 for data
and less a dollar for calls back to the states. Well we were in in Gander for about an hour before boarding our flight for
Germany. We had a 2 hour lay over in Liepsig. You gotta love this airport, there is always some activity going on every time we pass through here. Its either soldiers returning home from Iraq or Afghanistan or on their way to those locations. Last time I was here was on my way to Iraq November 2009 and on my way back to Iraq from R&R, May 2010. They had gift
shops with overpriced T shirts and snacks. I bought a bag of chips for almost
ten bucks! Are you serious?!!.
Well it was almost worth it since I slept half way through the flight from Canada to Germany and missed the food they served. It was a place where soldiers are literally robbed of their hard earned dollars. Phone calls were like $25 a minute, crazy!
Well we continued on with our journey to Manas International Airport in Kyrgistan in the former Soviet Union. We were
in Kyrgistan for two days. Manas was a drag, there were classes to sit in
(death by power point we’ll call it) and a lot of nonsense before we headed out
to KAF (Kandahar Air Field) in Afghanistan. This happens to be the biggest NATO FOB in
Afghanistan. BAF (Baghram Air Field) Is the
biggest US FOB in Afghanistan, but that is in the Northern part of Afghanistan, KAF is in the South.
At KAF we went through a lot of trainings that
involved my job, learning what has been going and getting acquainted with all the equipments I need to accomplish my mission as a Combat Engineer.

23 MAR ’12
Hey guys hope you are all doing fine this beautiful morning. It is still freezing cold and of course dusty here…lol. We got to Kandahar last night and are starting our trainings this morning
before heading out to our AO (Area of Operation). We miss home already, but God has been good.
Last night a buddy of mine that totally doesn’t
believe that prayer changes things asked if I could pray with him after we had a log discussion about sanctification and being restored to our original place as sons of God. I am excited and I ask you to please continue to
pray for us all especially my buddy. My mission got changed and I will be going to a different location and will be handling to missions at the same time; challenging but that is we do…
You know I was thinking recently about what we do as Combat Engineers (SAPPERS), we go ahead of all the soldiers, we
are first to go in and last to come out. Reason is we pave the way for everyone, clear the routes and still fight like infantry men (we are the only ones that can do our job and still do other people jobs, we are professionals)..lol So God reminded me that is exactly what He for His children, if we believe in Him, God always
goes ahead of us clearing the route for us as we
tag along behind Him. He leads the way we follow, He makes sure there is
no danger on the road as you walk down the path to/of your destiny. May He be your “SAPPER” leading you all they way and defending you from all enemy attacks today and always.
Amen!! IHMS

Check out Leslie’s website and blog:
Follow him on Twitter @LeslieNoless

GOOD GIRL GONE BAD (Episode 4) by Solomon Enweremmadu


We see a taxi driving off as Rita walks towards the gate.


David is painting.

Rita opens the front door and let’s herself in.

David turns to see her.


Hi babe, you closed early today?


Yeah I had to check on a new client I’m working on so I just thought to go home from there.


New client? That’s good.


Well yeah, it’s not a big one. I just hope it pulls through this week.


Your Deadline. Babe just do your best and leave the rest. Things will always work themselves out.

Rita drops her bag on the sofa and heads towards the kitchen.


Guess who I saw today?


(enthusiastic) Babe, hold that thought right there.

David grabs the painting and runs to show her.

What do you think?


A very beautiful painting.


Wow this is amazing. ( still staring at the painting.) Dave this excellent, it’s the best I’ve seen you do.



You asked if this was the one. Well I think it is. I can’t sell this for anything less than N1million naira in Nigeria! But we take this

abroad, where art is well appreciated? We’re talking millions baby, right here. I mean its bye, bye struggles I’ll tell you that.


That’s if you’ll get anyone to pay for it quick enough. Not all those your customers that would be pricing it for N50,000.


No, no not this one. The least I would sell this in Nigeria and only because I’m desperate is 750K.


(sarcastically) I’m sure they’ll pay even N10million.


Babe come on. Have some faith please.


Dave, I have too many deadlines in my life right now, I don’t think I have time for wishful thinking.

Rita takes some juice out the fridge and pours in a glass cup.


Don’t worry. You’ll see. Oh yeah, who was it you saw today?


(pauses for a moment) Don’t worry, No-one important.


Okay. Well let me put some cool finishing touches to this stuff ‘cos it’s hot right now.

David heads back to his paint stand.

Close shot: Rita is drinking some juice, lost in thoughts,

almost like she’s staring at the ceiling.


Naija here we come. This is Da Vinci on the west coast.

(mimics an American female reporter)

Hey Mr. David. How does it feel to be called the African Da Vinci? (mimics a deep male voice) Well, you know, I just do what I do


Rita turns to look towards Dave. She watches him with a sorry look of pity as she shakes her head.


Some people call me this and some people call me that but you know, I just do what I do man you na wha’ am




Jenny is sitting at a table and Rita approaches the table.


Jen, Jen. What’s good?

Jenny gets up for a quick hug with Rita.


Rita baby, sit down, sit down.


I’ve only got like half an hour, that crazy Boss of mine is on my neck.


Don’t mind him. (inhales) Meanwhile, I’ve met him.


Met who?




Who’s Richard?


The guy I told you about on the phone. Abiola’s friend?


Oh sorry, him. When? Where? Where did you meet him?


At his office.


(puzzled) Okay. What were you doing at his office?


No. I just had some business at the bank next door so I called him up and asked if I could pop in say hello.


(closes her eyes) Jenny, don’t, don’t push yourself on this man. Let him, (pause) let him work for it.


No, I’m not pushing, I was just, (moment of realization) Yeah, I guess you’re right. See why

I needed to talk to you quickly, before I go and mess things up again.


No you won’t mess it up.


I will.

They are interrupted by a waitress laying out dishes on their table.

I ordered your favorite, roasted chicken with chips.


Ah ah, Jenny, you didn’t have to now.


Rita do you know how it feels for a young woman like me to go for years now without a tangible toaster except for all those useless okada

boys near my house. Even our security man toasted me last week because he has seen me trekking about like a lonely goose.


(chuckles) Stop it.


I’m serious. Sometimes I envy you so much. Correct guys are toasting you right left and center and you’re bouncing them. In a few weeks time you’ll be married to Mr. Cool himself. What wouldn’t I give to be in your shoes.


Different strokes, ‘cos I envy you. How you could stay so happy and funny with or without a man in your life. It doesn’t matter what’s going on around you, you just seem to know how to keep your head above the waters. Jenny, you’ve been an inspiration to me, don’t let anyone or anything change you.


Let’s eat quick, I’ve got to go.


Oh yeah.

They start to eat.


Talking of men, can you believe that Steven Idoko was at my office yesterday?

We hear the SOUND of Jenny’s spoon as it drops on her plate.


(mouthful) What? Who?


I’m telling you.


Be serious. What does he want? Did he attack you? Did he create a scene?


No not at all, in fact quite the opposite really. There was something so calm and mature about him. He’s changed a lot, yes his still funny as ever but there was something real manly about him.


Well let him go and manly himself somewhere else, we have a wedding to plan.


Jenny, don’t be like that. He just came back from the States and decided to find me and see how I’m doing. He looks quite boxed up sha.


I’ve said my own. If he doesn’t stay away from you, he’ll be boxed up.

They laugh.


Rita is walking into the office on the phone.


Sure, just tell me what time and I’ll be ready. (pause) Okay, bye.


Rita’s POV: Rita’s PC MONITOR has a yellow sticker note smack

in the middle of the screen. Rita rips it off. It reads: ‘FOUR DAYS TO GO’ and a smiley. We see Stephanie and Uche in their corner laughing at Rita.

Stephanie comically signals Rita to run and go make some money. Rita settles into her seat slowly. She pulls out her wallet from her hand bag and slowly slips out the same photo of a

man. We see tears rolling down her eyes as she tries to hide her face with one hand.


We hear the SOUND of Rita’s phone. A text message. Close shot on Phone screen: Message reads: HEY BEAUTY QUEEN,


Rita places the phone on her desk and pulls up a file that read: PROSPECTIVE CLIENTS. Her phone text SOUND goes off again. Another text message


Rita types a response. We read as she types: SORRY BABE, I’M MEETING WITH A CLIENT



Rita is waiting by the stairs. We hear Mekus SINGING, coming closer to her.


Ifeoma, Ifeoma, Ifeoma, I want to marry you, give me your love. Give me your love.

Rita turns around.

Baby, this song is specially for you.


Come Mekus or whatever your name is. Leave me alone now, stop embarrassing me in public like this.

We see a Black Range Rover Sport pull up on the road behind Rita.


O baby, I don’t want to embarrass you not at all. But you are my graduate wife.


Graduate wife. O, you want to marry a graduate? My brother there are so many graduates in Lagos who I’m sure will love to be your wife, but…

Mekus POV: We see Steven step out of the Range Rover and

walks towards them behind Rita.


(loud) Rita, is everything okay?


Who be that?

Rita turns.


Steve, Hi. I’m alright.

Rita walks towards Steven.


(to himself) Hew Baby. Mmuonso si na owu eba ka mm ga hu nwanyim.

English subtitle reads: The Spirit said I would meet my wife right here.

Mekus POV: Steve and Rita drive off in the Range Rover.



Jenny sits across the table from RICHARD, early thirties.


You know, I think I remember you now from that night. You were sitting alone most of the night near the TV.


Yep that’s me. I didn’t really know anyone there so I just kept to myself most of the time.


Or are you a shy guy?


Me? No, well not really.


Ah, you’re a shy guy, but don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. They laugh. Richard points his finger at Jenny


You’re really funny, you know that?


(giggles) I try my best.



A very expensive mansion. The gates are opened by a security man in uniform. We see the Black Range Rover drive in. Rita hops down and looks around in awe of the house.


Rita is extremely excited. Steven is smiling.


What on earth did you say you’re doing for a living?


(laughing) You can say my office job is just a cover, I do a lot of importation of goods. But come let me show you the real surprise.

Steven drags her by the hand to the dining area.


A beautiful display of assorted meals and dishes with starters and a bottle of champagne in a silver bucket.


(stunned) Wow. Steve, what is this?

Steven pulls out a chair for her.


Sit down and enjoy.

Rita and Steven settle down to dinner.



Jenny and Richard are just rounding up their meal and Richard is paying the waitress.


Let’s go to my place.




Yeah, let’s go have some more fun.


(recollects herself) Oh no, I can’t. I mean it’s only our first date and besides I have a lot of work to catch up on.


(very disappointed) Okay, okay.


I’m so sorry, don’t worry we’ll go next time.

Richard is not answering. Obviously very unhappy.

Why don’t you take me home and we can chill a bit at my place before you go?


(mustering a smile) Okay let’s go.



Steven and Rita are done with the meal.


That was out of this world.


I’m glad you liked it but before you say anything, come with me.

Steven rushes round to pull her chair out and takes her by

the hand.


(amused and suspicious) Steve, what is going on here?


Just follow me.

Steven leads Rita back towards the living room.

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