My husband and I wrote this post. This is his first and probably last feature here. Dude loves his privacy. But you must know that I did all the writing. He talked, mostly and shared pointers. Parts of it have been edited. So if you’re a wife or a husband or you want to get married soon, you might be interested in this post.
When oga and I were discussing this topic, I prompted the following conversation.
ME: Luv, are you stronger than me?
OGA: Of course.
ME: Are you smarter?
OGA: No.
I wasn’t shocked. He firmly believes in equality of the sexes. Still I piqued his mind.
ME: Are you wiser?
OGA: No. That’s one of the places I feel we’re equal. But if you ever beat me physically till it hurts, I should be taken to Kikirkiri to face a firing squad for being a disgrace to men.
I like fine guys, don’t let the title fool you. Who doesn’t like the finer things in life? We all do. And that is why men invest all their time, money and effort to ensure that they get the fine cars, fine houses and even fine women. Women can put their effort into such too but when it comes to the choice of finding the better half, they couldn’t care less if he fell from a tree of baboons and orangutans, as long as he’s capable.
Before I go on, let me define a fine boy.
A monkey.
A guy who has good looks or is handsome, both facially and body-wise.
A guy who is stuck-up on his looks or physical attributes and believes everyone should notice him.
A guy who is not so fine but exhibits the characteristics of all three above. In this aspect, his case is even worse.
Now, I’m a writer and when I write romance stories, I sometimes like my characters to be good-looking because it is easier to put a picture of a good-looking couple in people’s minds but often times I try not describe how they look so the reader can form their own picture in their heads. Such times, I delve deeper to bring out the personality of the character rather than concentrate on the looks alone because filling my pages with fine faces will never sell anything. Same thing goes for women. They like to ogle at the handsome guys with tight bods when they pass by and might even go as far as dating them for the short term but if he’s fine John with no character or cheese, he’s getting the boot.
Women today are no longer in the era when they are told to shelve aside their outward appearance and concentrate only on the inward. They are in a world where the type of hair, the intensity of the foundation, the lipstick shade, the dress fitting and the height of the heels are not to be toyed with. A smart woman knows she has to dress like a queen always and will take her time perfecting what people see first when they meet her. Some people call this superficial or shallow but it is known fact that most men would go for the superficial and shallow than the one who dresses like she is going for a funeral. However, it is not the same with women when it comes to choosing a guy. Yes, they do appreciate a man looking good, but they are not particularly interested in his looks as they are in his success or power.
Women are hardwired to fall in love with rulers, CEOs, investors, religious leaders and so on and it has nothing to do with money. Let me repeat. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MONEY. She just wants a man that is capable. Not all men are or can be leaders but they have been naturally imbibed with qualities to lead and that’s why, a good woman when she meets a man for the first time, sizes him up for the future. If she likes the guy that first day, believe me, she has walked down the aisle with him and has had kids and has sat down in the front porch of their home whilst watching their grandkids play – all in her mind that first day! A typical guy might just be interested in the now and ready to go along with what comes but a woman wants to know if a man has plans for the future. Why waste her time with someone who won’t be there tomorrow?
It is known fact that many beautiful women settle for average to ugly looking guys, leaving the fine face, rock hard abs, the rugged jawline, tight biceps guys in the cold. And this is the reason: the fine boys have this stupid mentality that women who go for ugly men are only doing it because of the money. Now anyone who thinks like this will screw up many of his chances to have such beautiful women. Fine boys, quite frankly, irritate me – and a whole lot of women too, and that’s because they get so deceived by their fineness that they think their looks alone are enough to make a girl want them.
Recently, some stupid magazine went and told Iyanya that he is the sexiest man alive (vomit!) and since then the guy has been walking around, thinking he is God’s only gift to women. If you know him personally, please tell him he’s not all that and that it’s probably his celeb status that is reeling in all the cuties. He should just try and give up his singing and take a regular job like the rest of us and he will see that ‘ugly’ is not Whoopi Goldberg’s middle name nor is it an undiscovered planet in our solar system. Okay, just had to get that out. But my point is fine boys live an illusion and because they do, they are blind where most men have 20/20 vision.
Below, I’m going to state some of the mistakes fine boys make in an attempt to save them from themselves because somebody just has to tell them. Okay, maybe you’re not one of them but somehow you find yourself exhibiting those traits (especially if you have money), then you’re worse off and you need schooling. So, allow me educate you.
1. Fine boys don’t go hunting
Yes, they believe the game should land at their doorstep. While real men face the world to hunt and gather, fine boys baff up and walk round the block or around shoprite, giving their best GQ poses in hopes of getting some hottie. *sigh* just go do a photo shoot instead because you’ll only end up with the game the hunters have rejected. At least with a budding career in posing as a fine boy under lights and camera, the girls might be attracted to your success.
2. Fine boys are blind
Apart from the fact that they get blurry eyes from staring into the mirror for too long, their vision has been trained to notice only perfected and superior things. They believe every hot girl is naturally hot and so they avoid the ones that are not up their scale. Ugly guys don’t do that; they go for potential. They aim for average women with the potential to shine. Most women have been hurt before and carry the pain on their shoulders and this ultimately affects their beauty, grace and confidence. Ugly men are on the look for such normal girls and when they get them, they upgrade them with love and attention because they know that when a woman is loved the way she ought to be, her beauty and sexiness blossom.
3. Fine boys don’t have game
Game to these dudes is about looking cute, showing their rock hard abs and using taglines like ‘I know you want me.’ Brother, pulizz get a life. An ugly man has got nothing but game to help him in his hunt for a partner. He knows his looks cannot score him squat, so he concentrates on other attributes and without difficulty displays that he can easily reel a woman in. He sugar-coats his tongue when he talks to her, he always keeps her on her toes, he showers her with all the attention she needs and makes being with him one big adventure with twists and turns at every corner. And because he knows that women also seek stability, he doesn’t forget to assure her that he is completely reliable emotionally, financially and otherwise.
4. Fine boys don’t respect fine women
That’s just the plain truth. To them, beautiful women are trophies they display to all who care to notice. A fine woman gets it the toughest when finding love. Most guys are just interested in sleeping with her and adding her on their list of ‘been there, done that’. Because many inept men are intimidated by the attention their beautiful women are getting, they treat them like trash and that is why you find so many fine boys settling for ugly girls. They simply cannot handle the fact that the woman is getting more attention than them. But an ugly man is not afraid of going for a beautiful woman because he knows what hell she goes through with men and all she’s looking for is someone who would love her as she is and see that there is more to her than her physical attributes. Good example is Jay Z and his Beyonce. When all guys were seeing her booty, he was seeing her talent. How about Ojukwu and Bianca? And they said she loved him to his dying breath even though he was old enough to be her father. Note: she didn’t care about his age; she was attracted to his power.
If you noticed my use of words, I particularly referred to these unsavory fine characters as ‘boys’ and not men. Like most of my articles, this is just a generalization. I have met fine men of character and quality and at their level in life, the word ‘fine’ has got nothing to do with the looks. You sit with them and you hardly notice their appearance because it’s all about sophistication, strength, distinction, decorum and respect. The same way I have met ugly men and have been blown away by the qualities they exuded and totally forgot that I once called them ugly.
It’s a music video out there, people, and today, I see a lot of fine boys who are a lot more interested in what they wear and how they wear it and totally neglect that there is a lot more in being a man than in looks. Such egotistic, airheaded behavior usually doesn’t get them the girls or they end up having girls who use and dump them. In the end they start giving wisecracks on Facebook and Twitter about girls like they know anything. Well, here’s one for you, brother: while you’re hung up on how useless all girls are, your mates are out there scoring like Messi. If you take time enough away from the mirror or your ex-girlfriend’s skinny jeans and go a-hunting, you will not only catch the early bird but may even nab the goose gander that lays the golden eggs (again, Jay Z and Beyonce).
One last lesson from the Bible. Absalom was said to be the most beautiful human being in all of Israel at some point and was constantly praised for his good looks. Definitely it got to his head. Read this excerpt:
“From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him. And when he cut the hair of his head—at the end of every year he cut it because it was heavy on him—when he cut it, he weighed the hair of his head at two hundred shekels (2.3 kilograms)…”
The story goes on to say he committed treason by trying to displace his father, the famous King David. He took over the throne when his father retreated to avoid war, slept with ten of his father’s concubines in the presence of all Israel and finally went into full blown war with him. And who knows, he might have been pardoned if his hair did not kill him. Riding on his donkey, his beautiful hair got caught in thick branches of an oak tree and his donkey galloped away and left him. Hanging in midair, the commander of David’s army plunged three spears into his heart and ten others also struck him and killed him.
Conversation between two mobile users. One female and the other, male.
BABE
R u gay?
GUY
WAT???????!!!!
BABE
Well I…
GUY
Well, wat?
BABE
D last tym I was at ur place, u rebuffed all my advances n its not d 1st time.
GUY
Oh dat…
BABE
Seriously r u gay? No guy has done dat 2me…
GUY
Oh, beliv me ur sexy! But its not u, it’s me. I’m….celibate.
BABE
Huh?????????????????????????
According to Harris Interactive for the Durex condom company, 53% of Nigerians have sex at least once a week. It means that more than half of the people you see walking on the street are going to have or have had sex this week at least once. The statistics continue, stating that men claim to have sex 66.5 times a year over women’s 57.2 times, that means men have sex 16% more times than women.
Another study based on secondary data analysis by the 2003 Nigeria Demographic and Health Survey male dataset claims that 71.2% of middle-aged men in Nigeria are sexually active, excluding teenagers and men below thirty. The study also stated that 30% of sexually active men have multiple sex partners. Please remember that this was only in 2003.
Now, back to Durex. Their research goes on to say that Nigeria has 67% sexual satisfaction rate, the highest in the world. So, I guess I am safe to say that if the statistics are anything to go by, a good number of Nigerian men have sex a lot and enjoy having it.
Note: This is not a gender debate.I noticeably didn’t include the women’s statistics.
With all my scouring of the net, I still did not get a conclusive report on the true statistics of men who have sex but they’re not my topic of discussion. Today, I am concentrating on unmarried men who have chosen not to have sex. Now, the big question is why on earth would a man choose not to have sex? I believe my tone echoes some people’s thoughts at this moment but I want us to pause for a second and consider this issue critically. It is generally believed and proven even by the dumbest person on earth that men are visually stimulated. They see, they go for it! It’s as simple as that. Another statistic that I’m still not agreeing with but is out there states that the average man thinks of sex every fifty (52) seconds when his mind is idle. To break it down, the average man’s thinking faculty reboots almost every minute to narrow down on sex unless something else occupies his mind.
Just the other day, a friend was trying to tell me something when some half-dressed girl on TV caught his attention and he lost concentration. This was our conversation.
FRIEND: Ha-ahn! (eyes glued to the TV)
ME: What is ha-ahn?
FRIEND: What is wrong with her? Why is she shamelessly shaking her breasts like that?
ME: Forget her. What were you about to tell me?
FRIEND: Er…I can’t remember. Why was she doing that?
That’s a typical man for you. You want to get his attention, visually stimulate him. Music videos, movies, ads, magazines all sell sex. Even though women are beginning to get the drift and are having their own fill of lust of the eyes, it all began with men. Hate it or like it, it’s just what happens today. But does that mean that men today cannot hold themselves and keep sex out of the picture until they get married?
I’ll leave that question for you to answer. It is one of the toughest debates out there. I have met many men and women who hold that unmarried men today cannot do without sex. To them, a man who simply says no to sex is obviously abnormal and the conclusion is that he cannot perform. Then on the opposing end, you have those who believe men can absolutely live without sex. Medical doctors and psychologists have proven that it is very possible for men to remain celibate their entire lives without contracting some fatal medical issue (like testicles exploding) or some mental or psychological block. There may be issues regarding self-confidence and social interaction, depending on the environment that person lives in, but the implications are not far-reaching.
Today, we have men out there, albeit few, that have chosen not to have sex. Most of them are doing so for religious reasons, vowing to keep their bodies pure for God and for their future wives. These are men that have chosen their faith first and attained a level that sex, as important as it is in a relationship, is just one of those things they can be put in the backseat with the hope of getting the best out of when the right time comes. It is a conscious decision that they did not just drift into. Such men have trained themselves, both body and mind to remain chaste. It is not for everyone. Although King David was a man after God’s heart, he was no Apostle Paul.
Another group of men that maintain celibacy do so because sex means profound intimacy to them, and if they cannot bond with a woman on an emotional level, they see no reason why they should have sex with her. They shy away from casual flings and one-night stands and abhor the idea that they have to sleep with someone just because they are sexually attractive to them or because the person looks hot. Different whys and wherefores drive them into their decisions. For some, they have been badly burned by an ex or exes in the past and are not ready to go down that road again; for others, it comes with maturity and the need to settle down with just one person; another case might be that a past promiscuous life left a bad taste that propelled them into completely rejecting sex or it could just be strong moral values that have nothing to do with religion.
The third group of men that choose celibacy as a lifestyle use health as their reason. Okay, what about condoms? Is it not okay to use them? The answer from these men is no! They like to go au natural, popularly known as ‘skin to skin’. They don’t believe in using condoms and would have sex with only women they are 100% sure are clean. Abstinence to them is the most effective method to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancies.
The fourth group is men who have been sexually abused before. Like women, men are also get abused; in fact, it happens more often than anyone will know because men don’t like to talk about it. It is difficult enough for a woman to share a rape experience, much less a man. Most times it happens in childhood but there are a few cases of men being abused by other men or women in their adult age. This experience can be traumatic for any man even if he’s a mixed breed of Van Damme and Iron Mike. The experience can ultimately stop a man from wanting to be intimate with anyone.
For the fifth group of men, celibacy is an empowering move. It gives them a remarkable amount of mind and emotional space that sexual activity usually consumes. Men in this group are mostly very busy and don’t have time for pleasures that would stand as distractions to their businesses. Therefore, since they are hardly available, they decide not to dwell on sex as a top priority. To them, it is a matter of time and energy and sex at that point is not just worth the stress. Apart from celibacy giving them time to concentrate on work and other important issues on their table, it gives them full control over the opposite sex. The power, for some of these men is not in their celibacy, per se, it is in the control they have over the women around them. They would rather remain in abstinence than lose all that.
Finally, to the last group of men who do not like to have sex. Notice my use of language here. They do not like sex. They are not gay. They wake up every morning with a woody. They do not have some debilitating disease. They are not mentally ill. They don’t have weird sexual fetishes like sleeping with trees or dead bodies and stuff. They are not besotted to some mermaid wife. Nobody cursed them. They just hate sex! I am yet to find one person in this category but surprisingly, there are. If you are, please and please, contact me. I would love to write a story about you. On my part, I do believe that there is no smoke without fire and something no one’s seeing propels men in this category to bolt from sexual interaction. Whatever their reasons are, I’m certain it’s understandable.
To conclude, celibate men will always tell you that they have the highest number of women desiring them, trying to seduce them into changing their minds. They will also tell you that the road to abstention is rough and lonely. People often make fun of them and call them names but the truth is they are highly envied by most. Celibacy is not a bad thing and for those who have trained themselves till it becomes their way of life, they totally enjoy it. One thing most people find hard to accept these days is that life is not all about sex, and with videos and ads and movies and social sites shoving the idea in our faces, the concept of celibacy may never catch on and may eventually wear off. Yet, there always remains a faction of people who will always uphold that way of life. Well, to them that live by it, kudos! As for those who don’t, the message of playing safe never grows old.
The Nigerian woman is like every other woman. She has all the appealing body parts and her anatomy is definitely female but she surprisingly has more to offer.
The Nigerian woman is raised to love, obey, respect, satisfy and nurture her man. From the time her little feet are able to move around and she can use her hands as well, her mother teaches her how to take care of the home. She starts from serving her father and brothers and uncles and at some point when she becomes old enough, her mother leaves the running of the household in her hands. Now, I know we’re in a modern age and westernization has affected us a lot but the females in Nigeria are still expected to serve the males no matter their upbringing, religion or even social status.
The Nigerian woman grows into learning how to cater to the emotional, physical, psychological and sexual wishes of her man. So what is the man’s duty, in return? The obvious answer would be, to provide her needs, be it financially or materially because the general opinion is if you give a Nigerian woman money, then you have made her happy. Seriously, I can’t fault anyone who believes that because of the obvious lifestyles of many female folk today. But let’s just be honest here, a woman needs much more than that. She wants communication, connection and emotional intimacy. The need to be loved and heard and understood never really goes away. Women will always put aside the clothes and jewelry and shoes and find somewhere to cry if they’re not loved. They will always envy that other woman whose man treats her like gold and not a commodity on a stand. They will always find a way to seek emotional gratification when the finer things leave them feeling empty. Yes, more than you know, the Nigerian woman has a heart.
The biggest complain women have today is that Nigerian men are very unromantic. They face love with the same cutthroat manner they face their businesses. Romantic gestures to them are not necessarily acts of love but prelude to sex. Some of them are so caught up in their manliness and ability to be turned on by a woman and act on it, that they believe it is all it takes to be a man. Well, I hate to burst your bubble (if you’re one of said males) that it takes more than a full dose of testosterone to become what a woman needs. Ever wondered why certain men are easily taken in by the female folk? They steal the hearts of not just the girl with the full curves but the frustrated woman selling soft drinks on a tray, the mother-in-law from hell and even the veiled Muslim sister who cannot look into your eyes without bending her head. They have simply learnt the complex language of the Nigerian woman, who surprisingly does not demand much at the end of the day.
All she wants from a world that has obviously lost it is a genuine man. To put it in our language here, she wants a real man.
Who is a real man? Below, I have defined him in very simple terms.
A Real Man Doesn’t Sweat The Small Stuff
The way guys act when they are confronted with trivial issues is something I have always admired. To them, if it’s not affecting their pockets, stomachs and erogenous zones, why bother? What really is the sense in busting your nuts over something that is total BS. There is nothing wrong with a man expressing his emotions once in a while but when he allows them get the best of his thought process, then his estrogen level needs to be checked. Men enjoy a good laugh any day and at their own expense! You’re as short as M.I, someone pokes at your pot belly, your ex calls you broke ‘cause you didn’t buy her a Peruvian… whatever it is, it’s not worth your sweat.
A Real Man Is A Grown Man
There is nothing as off-putting as a man who just would not grow up. Being a man is all about responsibility. Adam was not given the task of screwing the lesser beings in the garden but of taking care of them. Even if a guy has no one to be responsible for, he should be responsible for himself. Proven, women mature faster than men and it takes a longer time for a man who is age mates with a woman to understand the concepts she has already fully grasped, but that doesn’t mean he should go about his life acting like he’s an overgrown baby. Mature men control their emotions and respect the feelings of others. I hate it when I hear men tell their women that the best cook is their mother and no one else will ever cook like her. That is babytalk. Your mother breastfed you, raised you with her tantalizing meals but now you’re a grown man. It is time to create your own life and swing on your own branch of the tree.
A Real Man Is A Gentleman
Opening doors, pulling out chairs, asking a lady what she wants, giving her a helping hand… these things never grow old. “I no be gentleman at all” should never apply when dealing with a woman. A gentleman is not a weakling; he’s a sensitive, kind and passionate soul wrapped in a rock-solid heart and muscular exterior. He has exquisite taste and proper etiquette. He is in control of his temper and his tongue. He respects his woman and generally everyone else around him. In today’s language, he’s a big boy, and it has nothing to do with his paycheck because a gentleman never shows off how much he’s got. He has high moral values and does not go broadcasting his affairs to anyone. He is not afraid to bare his heart and can easily let his guard down, knowing it doesn’t mean he’s less in any way. Gentlemen are not stupid. No, they are the wisest of the bunch. Wonder why that that girl behind the counter shouted on Guy A and blushed at Guy B the moment he opened his mouth? It was all in a manner of speaking – literally. He spoke and she was mesmerised by how only a “hello” left her feeling all woman. Refinement and simple courtesy always score big. And finally, a real gentleman does not give and expect something in return; for the sake of his own self-image, it is simply beneath him to go that low.
A Real Man Is Faithful
Big, strong, reliable. We all know that one. But truth is, we hardly ever see him. He’s most times big and strong but not reliable. He says I will be home by nine but comes back the next day. He promises heaven and earth but he’s hell to live with. A faithful man should be like the sun that rises every morning. To the general populace, especially guys, it’s in a man’s nature to whore around. After all, Solomon had a thousand women and was the world’s wisest. I totally understand that argument but the women were the beginning of Solomon’s foolery and what also ended him, as the Bible told it. For those people who are disillusioned, it is a lot of work to cheat than to stay faithful. So keep it simple and stay with one woman at a time. No one knows what goes around these days. HIV/AIDS is just one of them. Ask the man who found himself dead in a dumpster because he screwed the wrong girl.
A Real Man Has Real Money
Money talks and the poor guy gets the boot. Women love to know that their man can provide their basic needs. I am not even going to start bashing those who buy their women expensive stuff; it’s their own prerogative. If you have it and feel she’s worth it, what’s the big hoo-ha? If you don’t have it but can afford a nice pair of earrings once in a while, why not? The point is, earn a living and save some money so you can invest in your tomorrow and enjoy your today. Real money doesn’t have to be in millions or even hundreds of thousands. Real men with real money are blessed men who use their little or much faithfully, and have no added sorrows.
A Real Man Knows How To Work The V
It is said that a man does not multitask, that once he sets his mind on something, he gives it his full attention until he’s done, so how come he is always in such a hurry when he is making love? What is the rush? It is also said that men love adventure, so why on earth is the woman’s body not a new challenge or a voyage worth undertaking? Seriously, why make so much noise about getting there and when you finally get there, you just want to get off? Thank God for the internet with all the info it gives to help the one minute man. It would be atrocious in this day and age for a guy to fail to satisfy his woman.
A Real Man R-E-S-P-E-C-T-S
I am not talking about respecting the womenfolk. I am talking about a man putting a value on himself and making sure he doesn’t lower it for any female. Yes, you’re a man, you have needs and they have to be met, doesn’t mean you have to go after everything that struts by with a vagina. Set your rules and stick by them. Quit the tactless jokes and inappropriate pick-up lines. Have class. Quit settling. Quit being a pushover. Band wagoners always fall off the track because it’s never easy keeping up with the Joneses. The Joneses know why they are the Joneses and are happy being the Joneses, so what is an Olamide or a Hassan doing in their wagon? There is nothing as attractive as a man who stands out in the crowd. He is always exceptional even when his quirks are obvious. Be confident and lastly, cast not your pearls to the pig or she might turn around and rend you.
AReal Man Takes The Lead
Today, we’re in a civilised age with women taking the roles of men, doing better what men do and generally proving that you don’t need to have an Adam’s apple to be an Adam. But the problem is, if it’s not Panadol, it is not the same thing as panadol. Men who know their place, never give their power away. They might lend it out temporarily but a real man always leads the pack. They do not bully, abuse or manhandle people in their care because being the head sometimes means stooping low to carry others on your shoulders. So my point here is, if you’re in a relationship, be the head, even though, we all know what makes the head turn.
A Real Man Dresses To Impress
Finally, this might sound like the most trivial point but it is equally important. I love that guys can just pick something off the rack or bed and slip into it with no worries over whether it matches their shoes or jeans but what makes that attractive is having a wardrobe that looks classy enough to be casually sexy. I am not referring to men that fight for mirror time, wear their girlfriend’s powder and super-skinny jeans and in the end come out looking like they went through a color-riot, gay makeover. And I am not also referring to those men who still wear baggy jeans, deep v-neck shirts and gold necklaces. The whole idea is looking exquisite and manly, and at the same being comfortable. Women are excused when they feel pain in their dressing but a man’s wardrobe should be unrestricted and easy but stylish. As a guy, you love what you see when a woman dresses to impress you. I think it’s only fair if you make the same effort to impress her back.
To wrap it up, a real man, as a said earlier is a real man and he can’t fake it. He is not apologetic for who he is as part of the male species and enjoys his masculinity immensely. He loves sports, hangs out with other guys, does not have too many words in his vocabulary, is not crazy about nurturing, has no idea what it means to multitask and unashamedly appreciates the beauty of the opposite sex whenever they walk by. In conclusion, when he loves his woman, he does so unrepentantly and that is simply what a Nigerian woman needs.
Test-the-Terone ...for men and the women who really know them
The man came first, so he is automatically the king of the jungle, the head of the home, the stoic picture of what stability ought to be. When he doesn’t get his way, he is not expected to fall on his bed, bury his head in his pillow and cry. When he’s watching Titanic and the tears pool up in his eyes, he is expected to mutter ‘this movie sucks!’ and leave the sitting room. When a strange person of the opposite sex in a bus tries to engage him in a war of words of ugly bantering, cussing and insulting, he’s expected to be the bigger guy, totally ignore her and contain the insults for as long as the journey lasts or else he would be scolded for talking like a woman. When a fellow man beats the hell out of him, he does not dwell on it; he is expected to lie, telling everyone some touts robbed him and beat him senseless.
And I thought we were the ones with issues. Isn’t it easier being a woman? She can be a total nagging bitch in public and will hardly have anyone bothering about her. She can cry from now till tomorrow if her hair is messed up at the salon or if her husband consumes the last piece of her wedding cake, and she will get a shoulder or two on her side. She can throw a tantrum any day, anytime, anywhere, for absolutely no reason and get away with it just because she is the fairer sex.
But what happens when a man tries to do the same? He is, without human intervention, automatically branded a woman! He drives badly, he’s a woman. He talks a lot, he’s a woman. He is sad and depressed, he’s a woman. He doesn’t fight back, he’s a woman… I think you get the idea. Everything a man does that basically degrades him is a sign that he’s a woman and therefore less than a man. His position, as the world has ordained, is always on top and there, he has no rivalry. M.I. says it best in his song Beef “The Super Eagles don’t play against the Falcons”
However, just the other day, I saw a guy break down and cry like a little baby and frankly, it was not an unpleasant sight. Had it not been for the circumstances that led to his breakdown, I would have thought it very sexy. I did not think any less of him but on the other hand, I think he felt he had messed up showing me his vulnerable side. I totally understood. That is the way it is. A man doesn’t give into his emotions; he doesn’t show his soft side. He just swallows everything in and faces whatever life brings him with a rock solid approach.
So the big question today is, when is a man allowed to cry in the open? I know they do it secretly when no one is watching but when really is it okay for a man to just let go, not caring who is watching? Below, I listed a few suitable times when a man is allowed to cry without getting being labeled as a woman.
1. When He Loses A Loved One
There is nothing masculine about not crying when someone you love dies. People grieve differently but everyone should cry at some point when they face loss.
2. When He Says ‘I do’
Yes, a man is allowed to shed a tear or two at the altar. After all, that is one of the happiest days of his life. Well unless, he’s crying because he just realized he’s trapped forever.
3. When His Baby Is Being Born.
The coming of a newborn is the most beautiful event ever. If you have not experienced it as a man, I suggest you do. Chances are you bolt right out of the door but if you man up, you will realize that it is one of the most humbling times in a man’s life.
4. When He Spends Time With God.
Some people come to God all serious and get very firm with their requests but there are times as a man, you just have to let your hair down, pour out your heart and cry before the other He in your life.
5. When He Catches His Wife Cheating
Some men say they can never cry for a woman but when a man loves a woman, he holds nothing back. He may not be all giggly and excited like his female counterpart but it doesn’t mean he loves less. Since a man is not wired to be expressively emotional, he does not have the natural self-soothing system a woman has developed along the years that has helped her cope with her seemingly fragile personality and that is why when he is heartbroken, everything about him comes crumbling down, even his very massive male ego. A study revealed heartbroken men take four weeks to change their Facebook status following a break-up – while women do so almost straight away. The majority of men – 63 per cent ‘prolong the misery’ of updating their profile from ‘In a Relationship’ to ‘Single’ for a month or more, eight per cent fail to do so at all. If and when they do, only a third admits if they were dumped – and even fewer – 15 per cent – reveal the reasons why.
During my research on this topic, I discovered a hidden part of men, a different face that solidified my admiration for them. What a load they have to carry! I would like to give them two thumbs up but sometimes, as you’ll come to find out from the two true life incidences below, they really deserve to be treated like the wailing babies they sometimes are.
More reasons a man is allowed to cry in the open:
6. When A Woman Gives Him A Good Beating
Mr. and Mrs. Dexter (actual names withheld) are married with three kids. Mr. Dexter is a man’s man. I mean, you can’t get more manly that him. He hangs with the guys, drinks like the guys, screws around like the guys, spends money like the guys and would probably die like the guys but his nemesis is Mrs. Dexter. It doesn’t matter whether he is the king of the jungle outside his home, when he gets home, he has to deal with whatever she’s dishing him. Upon entering through the front door, the following words meet him:
“Mr. Dexter, is this the time you’re coming back? You are * %&*#$^**&%^#$!!!”
He replies, “Mrs. Dexter. Leave me the f^#k alone! You are a fish brained *@#$##$###!!!”.
And this goes on and on and on until he hits her face and afterward gives her a good beating. The next morning, he is out the door to run the race of the manly rats and comes home at night to repeat the same madness. He is so caught up in his manliness that he doesn’t notice when Mrs. Dexter begins to change. She grows stronger and he weakens by the day. He chooses to ignore the fact that his children shy away from him in sheer terror, telling himself that the king of the jungle should instill fear in all the smaller creatures. One day, like every other, Mrs. Dexter feels she has had enough and consumes a full bottle of wine as much as her fish brain can contain. Then, she sits and waits for him. He comes in as usual, ready for war but the first slap he throws her, lands him a shattering bottle of wine on his hand, it’s jagged neck aimed for his chest, but he’s weakened now, dazed from the sudden attack and very afraid for his life. Mrs. Dexter, however doesn’t end here. Fueled by her new sense of power, she turns around and gives Mr. Dexter the beating of his life in front of his children. He can’t scream or shout because he does not want the neighbors coming in to find him being humiliated, so he lets her spend herself because he just discovered that all her years of staying home, taking care of the children and working her ass off like a donkey has made her bigger and stronger than he. Finally with the kids pleading for his life, she lets him go and he crawls outside and cries all night like the baby he’s always been, knowing his short reign has finally come to an end. These days I hear he goes about with a scar on his hand and a subdued look on his face.
7. When A Man Is Emasculated
Okon (not real name, as featured on Newsline) is a poor tenant who falls in love lust with his landlady’s daughter, Miss. Landlady. They are the perfect couple and anywhere Okon goes, Miss. Landlady is sure to follow. To Okon, this is the just what the doctor ordered—free sex, free food and a free house. He is in heaven, well, until he discovers there are other female tenants whose properties, so to speak, are worth moving into and he begins to sneak them in at night for private house warming parties. He is having the time of his life, eating his cake and having it. But not all shindigs last forever. Miss Landlady eventually catches the hapless Okon in bed with one of the girls and it is big drama as her mother, the queen of all angry mothers whose daughters have been cheated on, comes into the whole scene. Now, this woman has long, sharp claws that can rip the heart out of any man but it is not the heart she goes for because she believes Okon hasn’t got one. She goes for his balls which he obviously has in excess and rips it out of him in front of tenants and neighbors alike, lifts it to the air like a trophy and dares any man to come try her. She is not even fazed when the police and Newsline crew show up. She insists Okon deserves what he gets.
The voice of Okon wailing in pain can be heard miles away. As he is rushed to the hospital, he reveals that the cause of his tears is not the pain in his groin area but the fact that his jewels are forever done with.
And finally, the last three times a man is allowed to cry in public.
8. When he’s Prezzo and he’s doing it to win female votes at the Big Brother Star Game.
9. When He’s Mark Damascus, Damasus, Dacascos, an assassin who sheds tears after he kills his target in a movie called Crying Freeman.
10. When he’s Balotelli and he loses to Spain.
Or when he’s Buhari, losing to Goodluck. Or when he’s Chris Brown doing a tribute to Michael Jackson but really crying because he wants the world to forgive him for hitting Rihanna.
One of my favorite poets, Carl Sandburg said, “Life is like an onion; you peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.” So, to sum it up, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a man expressing his emotions. Sometimes crying lets all the bad out but remember that just because she calls you ‘baby’, doesn’t mean you have to be one.
Test-the-Terone…for men and the women who really know them
Recently, I asked over thirty women via the net that if they had just one question to ask the opposite sex, what would it be? It might surprise you the type of responses I got. *clears throat* I had to censor some but by and large, my conclusions were that females are not the only species that need figuring out. Men leave a lot of unanswered questions about the very outlandish ways they behave. Many times, couples fight because women simply don’t understand that boys will just be boys no matter what anyone does. Mothers who have raised them know this and in another world, we would be going to them for answers but today, I have decided to dump the load on just one guy.
Yes, Terver is here again to answer your questions, ladies. This should prove interesting because some of the questions are, like I said… hmmmm…
Just go on ahead and read for yourselves, guys. Of course, ladies, he will be speaking in manguage. If i were you, I would read between the lines at the not-so-obvious manswers.
1. Why do men run away from commitment? Penny
TERVER:Well Penny, I think it is a bit unfair to generalize that all men run away from commitment. However, the best way I can explain this is by giving you an illustration. A single guy is like a lion in the jungle, wild and free. Committing yourself to a relationship is like capturing that lion and keeping him in a zoo where all his activities are monitored for the rest of his life!
SALLY: Never really seen a lion that found it hard to break out during the hunt. Kiss the zookeeper and get the key!
2. How can you date and love one woman and shag another and clean your
mouth like nothing happened? Melly
TERVER: HiMelly. Before I answer that question, I think it is important that I state here that every man’s first basic instinct is Sex…not reproduction, just good ol’ sex. Unlike women, men have the ability to completely separate emotions from Sex. A man can be truly, madly and deeply in love with his partner but still want to bang the sexy house girl…its second nature. That doesn’t mean that every guy is sleeping with everything though, some of us are able to hold back.
3. Why do men have erections early in the morning? Miriam
TERVER: The morning erection (aka morning glory) is like a self-automated test. It’s nature’s way of checking to see that all systems are go for the day….
SALLY:Wow! what a world of very healthy men!
4. Why are men just clueless? Glen
TERVER: Because a large appendage of our brains is found in between our legs and we don’t use it for thinking half the time. Women should know that men don’t understand women’s subtle hints or subliminal messages (when you say you’re fine when you’re actually not), we believe you! What can I say we are the less intelligent gender?
SALLY: Gbam! 5. Is it really possible for a guy to be faithful to only one girl especially if she is in a town far away from him? Promise
TERVER: Yes it is….but that guy also probably has an ‘S’ tattooed on his chest and walks around in blue tights and a red cape.
Somebody save me!
SALLY: Awwww…. But we love that ‘S’ guy.
6. Why are straight men homophobic? Mnena
TERVER: There is absolutely nothing natural about 2 guys wanting to screw each other. Just the thought of it would make any heterosexual guy cringe…which comes off as homophobia. Its alien to our Culture and I really doubt that it will ever be accepted as a norm.
7. What’s the worst lie you have told? To whom? And were you caught? Fatima
TERVER: When I was a teenager I lied about my age a lot of the time because I had a thing for older girls. I once told a girl I was 25 when I just only 17, she was 26. She caught me but it wasn’t really a big deal. We didn’t date for long though.
SALLY:Oh, you cub. so you like cougars, huh? 8. How fat is your bank account? Fola
TERVER: It looks a little something like this…N230, 594, 4..…. Oh wait that’s my account number!.….. well I would humbly say I’m doing okay.
SALLY:Ladies, I have his BB pin, phone number and house address. And he’s single too.
9. Do you guys keep a secret child somewhere? Sandra
TERVER: Huh?..
SALLY: Sandra, a secret child is a secret child. Some sow their wild oats and never go back for harvesting. 10. Why is it that only few men can be trusted? Ana
TERVER: Well Ana, I think that is a personal decision. It’s a bad world and people generally cannot be trusted naively.
11. Must you like sports/ games? Deola
TERVER: We have to! It’s the only time when we don’t have to think about bills, problems; women….please just allow us our 90minutes in a day
12. Do you think you are more superior than women? Chi-chi
TERVER: Absolutely! I also believe that women might be the more intelligent gender but from ants to lions to monkeys and even fishes, the male specie is always the leader of the pack.
SALLY: That’s why we love to put the lion in the cage.
13. What does it feel like carrying ‘it’ around? Tonia
TERVER: like a demi god! Question is how does it feel not having “it..”..i guess that’s why men are Cocky…*wink*
SALLY: Cocky, Terver, really? You just had to say it!
14. Why don’t men show emotions? Faith
TERVER: Showing all your emotions can be read as a sign of weakness. Iit’s not like we don’t, we just know how to hide it, Faith.
15. What is with the B’s- big Breasts and big Butts and Beer? Destiny
TERVER: First of all, Beer is the single most genius invention ever! 2, Men don’t have boobs so we’re fascinated by it, plus that was the first part of the female anatomy we were introduced to at birth. Lastly in the words of a great man, “a big booty makes the sex last” –Ludacris
SALLY: Ladies, the real truth about the B’s is something like this–> big breast+big butts+beer= baby bump, broken heart, his big beer belly and a lot of BS. 16. How often do you think about sex in day? Lami
TERVER: I think it varies for different people. For me personally I guess it depends on the environment, the situation and company I find myself around…nothing extra ordinary though
SALLY: Yeah, ’cause ordinary just does it for them most of the time.
17. My boyfriend won’t visit me if he’s broke and I tell him I don’t really care about the money, so I want to ask if making money comes before being with your beaus? Kate
TERVER: Money definitely plays a huge role for a guy in a relationship. When a guy is broke, it sometimes affects his confidence and ego because any self-respecting man wants to be able to provide for his girl all the time. But if and your boyfriend have been dating for a while, I see no reason why he should be so insecure.
18. What do you guys talk about when you hang out to drink? Esther
TERVER: Football, politics, women (other than our partners), money, career, did I mention money?
SALLY: Did he mention More Women? 19. If you woke up discovering you turned into a woman overnight, what would you do? Marcie
TERVER: Go back to sleep until I wake up from that nightmare!
I’m not really smiling
SALLY: Haba, Terver, it’s not that bad.
20. Who comes first, your mother or your wife? GG
TERVER: Wow that is a tough one GG….but my Wife and Kids will come before anything else.
And one last one from me: 21. Why do guys shake hands unnecessarily? For instance, a guy goes, ‘mehn, how did you see that game last night?’ and the other goes, ‘ah, our team whooped their asses!’ then they laugh and shake hands. What’s up with that? Sally
Lol……….it’s just our way of bonding. Lions rub up against each other, dogs sniff each other’s butts….. We shake hands.
SALLY: And ladies give each other the ‘eye’.
And this pretty much wraps it up. Anyone has answers to the questions above? Please, share!
Terver “Trump” Malu is an entrepreneur and CEO of manswersonline and the self proclaimed undisputed King of Monopoly board game.
Test-the-Terone…for men and the women who really know them
Long time ago when the world was filled with warriors, virgins and noble chaps, things were quite simple. Women stayed at home and took care of the children while men toiled the fields to bring home the bread. It was unheard of for a man not to take care of his woman. She was his load, his responsibility, his cross, and he was to do his duties without any complaints. Any man who couldn’t fit into this type of living was not considered a man.
Now fast-forward to the age of enlightenment where women discovered independence and took the reins of their own existence off the hands of men. It was a time of single mothers who paid their own bills, of feminists and proud lesbians, of married women who simply did not solely rely on their husbands for their daily bread and even little girls who beat up boys and made them cry. The average woman was aware of herself. The freedom she got for just being female and doing what she wanted was exhilarating. It was a man’s world but she was ruling her own part of it.
Okay, fast forward again to about just a few years after that and jump into our time. At this point, there are hardly men and women, just mostly bank figures and private parts. One demands, the other supplies and vice versa. In the wake of this, sugar daddies emerge—those moneybags that love to splurge on girls their daughter’s age. And there’s of course, the aristo and now, the maga! Not just a term used for that rich man who is about to be sucked dry, the recent definition of the maga goes something like this: a man who makes a living and has nothing better to do than lavish his earnings on a woman.
So it doesn’t matter if you’re a bank CEO or an okada rider, as long as you sustain a gold-digger’s lifeline, you’re a maga. Oh, I can hear you tell yourself that you’re too smart to be one. Well, let me surprise you by letting you know that every straight man has been a maga at one point in his life and might again fall into a gold-digging female’s trap sometime in the future even if it is just for one night. After all, the most efficient gold-diggers are very capable of vacuuming you out before the sun rises. But if you’re still doubting if you’re a maga, these scenarios should help:
You’ve been seeing this girl for a while but every time you’re apart, she never calls and when you complain about this to her, she pings you and goes like, ‘you know I don’t have money for credit, baby. Buy me credit and I will call you.’ You buy her the credit but she pings you and you call back… You’re a maga.
You pay her for BIS, her hairdo, her nails, her NEPA bill, her groceries… You’re a maga.
Every time you guys go out, you pay the bills and all she does is orders and bats her eyes at you and tells you how much of a gentleman you are and you feel really grownup with yourself…You’re a maga.
She gives it to you good in bed and afterwards, tells you she’s broke. You’re thoughts are ‘she’s giving it. I’m getting it. Why the hell not?’… You’re a maga.
Her mother is sick, her brother can’t afford to write WAEC because of the fees and their house rent just expired. You are her only salvation because her uncle who can help her is demanding for sex in return… You’re a maga.
You ask her out on a date and she shows up with her vulture friends and they order everything on the menu plus takeaways and you don’t leave them there to wash plates and mop floors… You’re a maga.
It’s her birthday. She wants a party; you want a quiet dinner. She bursts into tears and tells you that you don’t care about the most important day in her life and you give in… You’re a maga.
Every time she wants to go out, she calls you to drop her off and pick her later but never wants to spend the in-between time with you… You’re a maga.
She’s always getting pregnant and you’re always dolling out immense cash for D&C… You’re a maga.
You buy her valentine gifts, she hugs you and plants a wet kiss on your lips and drives off in a bigger maga’s time capsule, leaving you eating Mai shayi because you are now dead broke…You’re a maga.
You do all her assignments and carry her books for her in school but she won’t even let you hold her hand or hang out with her friends…You’re an intellectual maga.
Her top –>Gucci. Her skirt–> Louis Vuitton. Her shoes –>Jimmy Choo. Her bag–> Prada. Her hair–>some nameless woman from India. Your bill –> 175k… You’re a maga.
She straight-up asks you for money and when you say no, she drops her clothes to the floor and you go like ‘baby, for you I will do anything’… You’re a maga.
You give her 50k but can’t even spare a lousy 2k for your friend who’s down on his ass…You’re a maga
You give her all you have in your pocket to take a cab and you end up walking home… You’re a maga
I can hear someone saying ‘but she’s my girlfriend and we’ve been together for a whole year and she loves me!’ Oh, okay, sorry. My bad. I was under the impression that she has a paying job or means of living and handles her own bills and doesn’t need you to ‘constantly’ maintain her. See, naturally women love nice things and a good number of us who have good jobs believe that it is still a man’s duty to cater to our needs. Yeah, looks like we’re going back to that stone age of dependent women and trophy wives. Well, that’s gist for another day.
So now you’re convinced you have been a stupid maga, how do we get rid of this gold-digging, man-eating, virus-like creature in your life? it is very simple, as simple as giving her the boot without turning back but in case you love this girl and you know she feels the same but has her priorities misplaced, then the following (not so nice) steps can help you. Brethren, be ye warned, she is so going to hate thee.
A gold-digger’s security is your means of living. As long as you have that job/ business that keeps the cash coming in, she will stick to you like a birthmark. So to start off, you can out of the blue, tell her you have been thinking about your life and you are seriously thinking of stopping to ‘smell the roses’ and that is why you want to change careers for a while and concentrate on your favorite hobbies like painting, music, photojournalism… Of course, you’re not serious about this but you have to act the part and seriously start showing signs that you’re ready for this change. If she is a gold-digger, she will bolt so fast, lightning will pale.
When she asks for money, give her less. For example, she asks for 10k, give her 2k and tell her that times are hard and you are cutting down on expenses.
If she asks you to take her out, tell her you’d rather sit in and watch Tinsel because you have been spending a lot of money lately. When you are sure her expression has turned sour, add that if she really wants to go out, she can pay the bills herself. Chances are she will sit in and tell what has been happening on Tinsel so far.
When she asks for a new dress or shoes or one of those things we women ask for, tell her to choose between that and her birthday gift which would be a whole lot more. If she asks after her birthday, tell her to make a list for the next birthday.
If you have been her go-to guy for freebies and other lend-a-hand offers apart from financial, stop those offers and next time she requires that she needs someone to fix her generator or drain, give her the number to a professional.
Ask her for a loan. If she gives you, give her back and tell her you got it already from a friend. By so doing you know how much she can afford to give and how generous she can be If she refuses to give you the loan, tell her you always knew she was stingy and you were testing her.
When she asks for money, refuse to give her but invite her to a charity event later on where you donate that same amount she asked for with a little more. If she brings your attention to this, look at her aghast and say ‘I can’t believe you’re even talking like this. Have you no heart?’ and watch her face drop. This particular move will either make her have a change of heart or show you how really selfish she is.
Now for this last one which will make any gold-digger run for the hills. Go ahead, shock her to the bones. Begin to show signs that you’re really broke. Always never have enough money to pay the bills, ping and never call, deny yourself even the bare necessities, abandon luxuries like DSTV for months, visit her office/school/hang out joints on a bike by ditching your car and finally, tell her you will soon be moving to your friend’s place because you cannot pay the bills. Give a specific date for that and I assure you that she will be gone before that date is up.
On a concluding note, one thing that constantly gets magas is their pride. They don’t know how to swallow it and these ladies are aware of this and therefore milk them like crazy. If you really want to ditch a gold-digger, you have to forget your self-image for a very short while and exorcise her entirely from your life. However, if you have somehow managed through your life and haven’t yet encountered this specie of female (which means you’ve been living in Utopia), have no worries, she is easy to spot.
She wears the finest things and eats the finest meals in the finest restaurants but she has no future without your cash
No plans for tomorrow as if her father were Dangote and her mother, Oprah and she had a gold stash
She will always be eye-catching and make heads spin
She will also be unbelievable beneath the sheets
She might even talk about marriage and share your dreams but when you close your eyes to sleep
She’s wide awake, scheming, thinking of the next means
To plunge her gold-digging trowel into the mines of your hard work and sweat
And she won’t stop pillaging until nothing is left
![Celibate Men??????? [Test-the-Terone]](https://moskedalounge.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/white-tie.jpg?w=335&h=372&crop=1)
SALLY: Never really seen a lion that found it hard to break out during the hunt. Kiss the zookeeper and get the key!
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