To Tame A Virgin #9

Read previous posts HERE

“So…you’re not going to tell me what happened to you, Temi?”

Uyi was sitting with Temi on her bed, under the dimming light of a rechargeable lantern in her bedroom. The power had gone out, having run out of electricity credits on the meter. Temi was wrapped in a thin bedsheet, her fingers toying with the frames of her glasses, while Uyi sat facing her with knees drawn up to rest his chin on.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Temi replied his question. “And Uyi… I think it’s late. And you should go.”

Uyi looked at her, surprised. “Late?” he stared at the clock on the wall. “Temi, it’s just nine.”

“I know. Still, just…go” she looked around her restlessly, avoiding his eyes. “I know I sound rude but I just want to be alone now.”

“Alone to do what?” Uyi asked, not liking the edgy tone his voice was carrying. “You want to cry yourself to death? Look at your body. Someone did this to you and you’re protecting the person?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it, Uyi. Please, it’s too traumatic for me. Just go.”

Uyi was stunned at her change of mood. He felt annoyance rise in him and he didn’t understand why. He blamed it on lack of sleep. “So I’m just good for holding you when you cry, abi? I don’t qualify enough to know what goes on in your life. Then why did you call me?”

“Because I need you.”

“Make up your mind, Temi. You need me, you don’t, which one?”

“My life is screwed up!” she cried.

“And whose isn’t?! Is it my own that is perfect? Do you have any idea where I’m coming from? Because I come here and hold you in your worst times, you somehow think I have no problems of my own?!”

“Uyi, you won’t understand.”

“Enlighten me! I want to understand! Geez! That’s why I’m here! I’m probably even more screwed up than you. Did you know I’ve lost my job?”

He waited for Temi to respond but she kept her face to her glass frames.

“Yeah. I’m no longer working in Greek Elysium. All because of a stupid decision I made to sleep with Damaris.”

Temi raised her head and sought out his eyes.

“And now her father is breathing down my back. Temi, as you see me here, I’m tired of my life already. I’m just twenty-nine but I feel like I’m going on forty because of the load I’ve been carrying on my shoulders for years. I’ve never known what it means to be young, to have fun, or to even fall in love!” he laughed sarcastically. “All I’ve had were girls that wanted nothing but sex from me just because I was not up to their standards socially and financially. Apart from them, my life bored me to death. It was all books and responsibility. I won two scholarships in school but all the money went home to my younger sisters and their children. In fact one of my sisters rented a house where she stays with her boyfriend in my name. All the money finished before I graduated. I didn’t rock a dime. I went back to square one and I have been hustling since, even with all my IQ! And just when God gave me another chance with Greek Elysium, I went and slept with the wrong girl. Now, all I have is gone!” Uyi laughed again mirthlessly.

“So, Temi, my useless life should make you feel better about yourself. The fact that there is another person more troubled than you in this small space should give you hope. And when that person asks you to put his load on him, he’s asking only because he has carried worse and he can still carry yours.”

Uyi wiped a thin film of sweat covering his forehead and continued. “Temi, I don’t know you that well to demand that you share your secrets with me but I know myself well enough to know that you’re doing something to me when you cry like that. Maybe it’s just my nature but I can’t stand your tears…”

“You slept with Damaris?” Temi interjected.

“Damaris is not the issue here, Temi.” He made to hold her hand but she moved away. “What I told you earlier as I held you, I’ll not repeat but God knows that I meant it and I’ll not take it back and I…”

“Uyi?” Temi cut him off with a voice so low that he strained his ear to hear. “Please, go.”

Suddenly Uyi became aware of the heavy silence in the room. Not a sound was heard except the deep breathing coming from Temi as she spilled more tears, burying her head in her pillow.

“I’ll come by tomorrow morning to check on you,” Uyi finally said. It was the only way he could redeem his pride. “Please, don’t forget to take your drugs.”

“I won’t.”

He got off the bed, mumbled a goodbye and walked out.

As he sat in a cab going back home, he slapped himself inwardly for acceding to Temi’s wish. He told himself that he shouldn’t have listened to her. It was clear she was going through a painful ordeal and leaving her to herself was not the best decision. What if she did something stupid like try to kill herself? Or worst still, let the person in who had bruised up her body? Following that line of thought, Uyi almost told the cab driver to turn around but he recalled the look on her face when he had told her about Dami. He was sure he had seen loathing in her eyes.

“It can’t be worst than how I feel.” He found himself thinking out loud.

“You say?” the cab driver asked, slowing down, but Uyi shook his head.

“Just dey go.”

You can’t be depressing yourself like this, man. This time his thoughts remained in his head. You’re too young to be thinking too much.

So he took his own advice and tried to think of happier things. And the first thought that stabbed his mind was Temi. It had taken him only seconds as he held her earlier, to realize that he had feelings for her. It wasn’t the same with Dami who stirred his desires and his wild side. Being around Dami released his inhibitions and reminded him that he was young. She made him forget his worries and brought out his youth. She was a poster girl for seizing the moment and enjoying life as it came. But Temi was different. Temi had an essence around her that made him breathe easy and feel at home; she was a picture of comfort and of calm. Who on earth had gone and hurt her that terribly?

His phone rang and he guessed it was Dami. She had called him five times in the past two minutes even after he had sent a text telling her to be patient that he was on his way home. He wasn’t in the mood to speak to anyone but he adjusted his sitting as he picked her call.

“Dami?”

“Is this Uyi?” a strange male voice spoke into Uyi’s ear and he pulled the phone away and frowned at it before returning to the call.

“Yeah?”

“You need to come and get your girlfriend.”

“Please, who are you?” Uyi asked.

“A friend. Damaris is with me. Come and get her, please. I’m sending you a text with the address.”

The guy hung up and Uyi stared at his phone, confused at the call. What was wrong with Dami? And where had she gone?

He got into the process of dialing back when an SMS arrived and he clicked it open. It was the address of a house in Gwarinpa.

“Oga, abeg you know Asaba Street for Gwarinpa?” Uyi asked the cab driver.

“Ehn.” The man nodded.

“Carry me go there,” he said with a tired yawn.

************

He found her outside a high, black gate that led to a lavish house on Asaba Street. She was sitting on a bench alone, dressed in a long, black jalabiya. Her hair was tousled, her feet, bare and her face was stained with mascara-run tears. Uyi thought she looked lovely though, and would make a beautiful photo sitting that way.

He told the cab driver to stop and he got down. Dami looked up, saw him and rushed into his arms.

“What happened, Dami? I thought I left you at home. Whose house is this?”

“Let’s go home. I didn’t come with my car.”

“What happened? Who was the guy that called me with your phone?”

Dami merely shook her head to the questions. “Let’s go…”

As Uyi tried to help her into the cab, the pedestrian gate of the house before them creaked open and a guy who seemed in his early thirties appeared. He was carrying Dami’s handbag, dress, slippers, phone and what looked like a pair of underwear.

“Damaris?” the guy called but Dami only squeezed Uyi tighter and buried her face in deeper. The guy walked to Uyi and nodded some form of greeting. “Uyi, right?”

Uyi nodded.

“I’m Tahir. And if she’s your girlfriend, you need put her on a tight leash.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Uyi asked, a scowl slowly screwing up his face.

“Ask her. No responsible girl should be playing strip poker with four guys in a room.”

“What are you talking about?” Uyi questioned, pushing Dami aside briefly but she held on.

“Baby, let’s go.” She tugged at him. Tahir handed Uyi the items in his hand and was heading back to the house but Uyi stopped him.

“At least I deserve to hear what happened from you since you called me,” Uyi said, taking short steps towards Tahir.

************

There was a party in full swing at Uyi’s when he got back home with Dami. A crowd of people whom he visualized always hanging by their phones, waiting for Ovie and Peter to invite them over, occupied every available space in the house. Fortunately for Uyi, he found only a smooching couple in his bedroom which he curtly dismissed. He locked the door behind himself and Dami and unleashed held anger on her.

“Oya, start explaining to me what went on between you and those boys in that house!”

Dami looked at Uyi like he was crazy and concentrated on getting something out of her handbag. Uyi grabbed the bag from her and flung it to the bed.

“I’m talking to you!”

“Don’t talk to me like that,” she said slowly, resting her hand on her waist. Uyi was miffed at her insolence.

“Dami, don’t piss me off this evening. You don’t want to see me get angry. Tell me what you went to do in your ex’s house and how you ended up playing strip poker with him and his friends.”

She hesitated, playing with the collar on Uyi’s t-shirt. When she saw he meant business, she let down her hand and spoke. “So you won’t even ask for my own side of the story?”

“Is there anything you want to refute that Tahir told me?!”

“Tahir hates me!” Dami shouted back. “He never liked me, not even while I was going out with Aminu. He was always doing the big brother thing on us!”

“So you’re saying he cooked up lies about you to me?”

“Yes!”

“Okay, let’s go through his lies and please stop me whenever any of them doesn’t ring a bell.”

“I’m listening.” Dami crossed her arms defiantly.

“It was Aminu’s birthday and he invited you to his house and you went.”

“Yes.”

“He and his friends were getting high and you joined.”

“Yes.”

“Somewhere along the line, he told you he was sleepy and crashed on his bed, leaving you with his friends. Any smart girl would have taken the cue and left, being that the asshole who invited her couldn’t even see her to the door… wait, I’m not done. But you stayed back and continued drinking with his friends.”

Dami was silent. She pouted insolently and looked away.

“Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

“Some idiot suggested you play strip poker and you, the only female in the room with no common sense, agreed. Yes or no?”

“Uyi, my nudity is nothing to me. Before I get jobs, I have to completely go nude before designers. Ask any model. And when we’re doing a fashion show, we’re always naked and there are guys everywhere and nobody is bothering about anybody. It’s only in this foolish Nigeria that breasts mean something to horny boys. And by the way, I wasn’t completely nude in Aminu’s room. I had my panties on.”

“Can you hear yourself, Damaris?! You’re even defending your shameless behavior!”

Dami walked away from Uyi to one of the windows in the room. “I did nothing wrong…”

“Until you felt you could climb the bed where your ex was sleeping. For what?!”

“I was trying to get my clothes!” She turned to face him. “I didn’t climb it to seduce him or anything! I wanted to get my clothes! How was I supposed to know that he would grab me and…”

As much as she tried to put up a strong façade, Uyi could see she was struggling with the memory of what had happened to her.

“And what, Dami?” Uyi was curious to know what she was finding hard to reveal. It was the same thing Tahir said he couldn’t share with him. “Dami, what did Aminu do to you?”

Dami shook her head strongly and began walking to the bathroom but Uyi stopped her. “What-did-Aminu-do?”

She shook her head again.

“Talk to me, my friend! What did the boy do to you?!”

“We finished the strip poker… and I told them I wanted to go home and one of them offered to drop me off. So I… climbed over the bed where…Aminu was sleeping and…” Dami stopped and sniffed. “I…was crawling to the side where my dress was and he…grabbed me and…” She stopped again.

“And what?”

“He tore my underwear and…”

“Did he rape you?”

“God, no,” she answered quickly. “But he…he was touching me everywhere… I was screaming and begging him but he refused to stop. It was so embarrassing and I was scared for my life. I thought they were all going to rape me. That was when Tahir came in…”

“What is wrong with you, Damaris?! Really, what were you thinking could have happened if Tahir had not been at home at that point and walked in to save you?! You think those boys wouldn’t have raped you?! That you would just wear your clothes and have them drop you at home?!”

“Don’t shout on me! How was I supposed to know that Aminu would even think of touching me like that?! I trusted him!” she cried.

“You don’t trust a boy with your boobs in his freaking face! My God! I don’t even know what to tell you, if I should feel sorry for you or slap you silly! Did it not occur to you that from the moment you took off your dress you were merely seconds from being raped?!”

“You know what, Uyi? I don’t want to talk about this again! I’m going home!”

“My friend, stop being a child!”

“I thought you were going to understand!”

“Understand what?!”

“Me! Understand me! If you love me, you would!”

“Well, I’m sorry that I don’t.”

The music from the sitting room stopped at that moment, bringing with it complete silence and a chorus of complain from the partiers.

“You don’t what, Uyi?” Dami asked with a face of dread, her voice missing at the edges. “You don’t understand me or you don’t love me. Which one?”

“Neither,” Uyi replied and rubbed his forehead. He saw a miserable look fill her eyes but there was nothing he could do to stop it. He didn’t even attempt to. Black, mascara tears slid down her porcelain face and it seemed she had something to say but she only rubbed her eyes and walked away from him. Reggae music broke into the air and his head began to pound, enhanced by the fact that he had not slept in twenty-four hours. He watched as she disrobed from the jalabiya Tahir had given her and got into her own dress. Something told him to stop her from leaving but he just couldn’t. She picked her handbag and phone and stood before him.

“You’re going to be my first heartbreak,” she said. Uyi knew she wasn’t lying. It was written all over her face and it had even gone all the way down to her perfect shoulders which were presently slouched. His inner voice congratulated him for hurting two girls in one day.

“I thought the feelings were shared. I thought you really felt something, Uyi. I thought… You know what? Let’s just end this.”

“Damaris…”

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

But she was not. Her body was literally shaking as she sobbed.

“Okay,” Uyi said. “It’s over then.”

She turned around and walked out the door. He didn’t go after her but locked the door, fell on his bed and crucified himself for what he had just done to her.

************

Uyi slept through the night and through the following day, having taken a sleeping pill from Doctor Ahmed next door. He didn’t hear the knocks on his door or even his phone ringing a million times. Peter and Ovie were worried he was dead when they got back from work, so they went to one of his windows and hosed in a full force of water. He shot up from his bed and when he collected himself, rained abuses on them. It was dark now and he picked his phone to go through his missed calls and texts. They were mostly from Dami. The other ones were from Ovie and Peter. He also noticed his Twitter icon indicating that he had alerts. And to confirm it, Ovie stuck his face to his window, telling him to check what Twitter had in store for him. So Uyi did, and to his horror, discovered that Dami was trending. The story was that her ex, Aminu and his friends had actually set her up the night before. While Aminu pretended to sleep, he was actually taking discrete photos of her nude body. He showed no mercy and uploaded them on Twitter and Totameavirgin.com, causing an immediate reaction from Dami’s fans and critics. His account was right away disabled by Twitter but the photos had gone round and still remained on Totameavirgin.com. As expected, Dami didn’t remain silent; she lashed back on Twitter. She replied to the tweets about her, claiming that Aminu had posted old photos from the time they were together. But the war took a new turn when people found Uyi’s hardly ever used Twitter handle and began a fresh trend about him.

Uyi sighed as he went through a few of the unfriendly tweets. He instantly deactivated his account, threw his phone to the bed and entered the bathroom for a shower.

When he returned to his room, his mind was made up. He was going to end it with Dami but first, he needed to return the check to her father. The problem was it wasn’t as easy as it sounded.

************

When Uyi rang the doorbell of the Alechenus’, he hadn’t expected to see Dami behind the door. Wearing a mini skirt and a bikini top, Uyi’s eyes were assaulted by her sexiness at first glance. He didn’t understand why his attraction to her was so feral, because as he stood there, all he could think of was the different ways he wanted to have sex with her in her father’s sitting room. But he looked at her face and saw her broken heart sketched on it and his senses returned to him. She moved away and let him in.

“I’m so sorry about yesterday,” She said with her head bent. “I’m also sorry about the whole Twitter thing. Aminu’s an ass.”

“Dami, I understand. No need to explain.”

She shut the door and offered him a comfortable sofa to sit.

“Daddy will soon be out.”

She took a couch opposite him and faced the television.

Uyi forced himself to look away from her but he couldn’t. He came to realize that every time his eyes considered her, it was a perfect moment that needed to be caught on camera. And he wasn’t so sure he wanted to throw away such moments just yet. Dami was an onion whose layers he still wanted to discover and it didn’t matter that her virginity was gone; to him, she was yet to be explored and he was finding it hard to accept that someone else was soon going to claim what he called his territory.

“Omoruyi!”

Uyi heard Anyebe’s voice and sprang from the sofa like someone who was caught doing something bad. The older man smiled, for he had actually seen Uyi’s covetous eyes on his daughter. He walked into the sitting room, his walking stick clacking beside him.

“Good evening, sir,” Uyi bowed his head.

“Evening. I have a meeting soon. Can we quickly speak in the kitchen?”

Uyi followed Anyebe and they entered a large, sparking, white kitchen with blinding lights. Anyebe went to one of the refrigerators and got out a bottle of beer for Uyi. He passed him a cork opener as he took out a transparent bowl that had a blue lid which he placed on the kitchen table. He went for a fork next and a bottle of salad dressing. He pointed a chair at Uyi, pulled his to sit and began to attend to his bowl of salad.

“Talk to me, Omoruyi.”

Uyi brought out his wallet from his pocket and got out Anyebe’s check. He walked to him and put the check in front of him. Anyebe unfolded it as Uyi went back to his chair.

“It’s still blank.” Anyebe continued with his salad as Uyi remained standing. “Why?”

“Sir…it’s not working with Dami and I. We’re not well-suited for each other and taking that check would only mean I’m with her because of the money and not because I love her.”

“And you think I didn’t know that when I gave it to you?”

Uyi looked at the man briefly before he replied. “Sir, I’m sorry, I just can’t accept it. Thank you for the offer, though.”

Anyebe smiled and Uyi was misled into thinking things were cool between them.

“I want to take my leave now.” He said and Anyebe smiled again. “Good night, sir.”

Uyi turned away from him and was making for the door when he heard Anyebe’s frosty voice.

“You refuse my check, you refuse my beer but you take my daughter’s virginity and think you can get away with it?”

Uyi was afraid to turn around. He rested his eyes on a scratched out area on the door that was caused by constant contact with human hands.

“There is no pond which the sun cannot dry up, Omoruyi. If you walk out that door, I will treat you as my enemy, one who came to take what I have preciously guarded for twenty-seven years. And in that respect, I will unleash the full vigor of my rage on you. Is that okay with you?”

Uyi continued staring at the defect on the door in front of him and he felt a strong need to paint over it, to make it like the rest of the door. And there, at that moment, he realized how perfect his life had been until Dami walked into it. But unlike the door, it was painfully clear to him that he couldn’t paint over her.

Uyi turned around to Anyebe, his mind concluded on the matter.

“I need you to understand that as untamed and as foolish as Damaris is, she’s still my jewel and I don’t have to tell you what a man like me can do to a man like you. She came home last night, brokenhearted and inconsolable and all she wanted was you.”

“Sir, honestly, Damaris is too much for me to handle.”

Anyebe laughed. “A man chases a woman until she catches him and then he begins to run away.”

“I want a job,” Uyi said out of nowhere.

“A job? Okay.” Anyebe forked around his salad in swift movements. “Is that all?”

“It has to be a good job where I can finish my NYSC and I can be retained.”

“Done. Anything more?”

“No, sir. I can handle myself with that. Can I go home now?”

“Why are you in a hurry? This is your home.” Anyebe rose up, still chewing. He opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water. On his way out, he stopped to tap Uyi on his shoulder.

“I hope you’re prepared for the life ahead of you. Where you’re going is somewhere you’ve never been before and Damaris will prove to be more than a handful. But bear with her; the novelty will eventually wear off.”

Anyebe walked out and Uyi collapsed into his chair. He let out a deep breath and felt it go with a rush of perspiration coming to his forehead. He pulled the beer bottle to himself, uncorked it and alone in the bright kitchen he tried to drink his conscience to numbness.

^©Sally @moskedapages

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An Early Morning Rain by Emmanuel Chux Chukwurah

This rain
If you had last night come,
Well would have been your come.
As you on every roof bang
So would lovers do.
For you would have a good ambience made
For a lovely pair to pair well at night.
For a honey moon group,
O what a time it would have been!

Even a Miss lonely on a bed
Would have sojourned away in sleep
Like  Snow-White.
And a Bachelor too
Would have you enjoyed.
For he would have journeyed afar on his bed
Well tucked under his duvet.
And your dropping rhythm
Would have him accompanied
To a dream land.
There he might meet a Miss
Who his missing rib bears,
Whose heart has the rhythm of his.

Not even your rolling thunder
Would an infant awaken.
The little life too
Would have met the fairies of the tales.
For you would have a lullaby sung.
And the dream goes on.
As long as you would in the night remain.

Then we would have awoken
To a new day refreshed.
For you would have the day bathed at night.
The trees refreshed;
As if made anew on creation day,
The grasses resplendent
With your droplets on them.
The clerk to his desk,
The farmer to his field,
The pupil to his classroom
All with energy renewed.

But now that this morning you came
And earlier than the  crows of cock
And on you go
Not a rest at the hour seventh
Unlike God on the day seventh
You have come not so well.
For this is our time to hunt.
But now by duress you make us sleep
Or lazy around our home.
If your orders we defy,
Drenched we become.
And like fish we swim
In pools unwanted
To our fields of hunting.
The gutters and the road
Are now twins identical.
Only a walk in the deep
Will the difference show
With a broken bone added.

This rain this morning,
You should have come at night.

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To Tame A Virgin #8

Today’s post is dedicated to Toyin Onifade. She knows why.

Read previous episodes HERE

#8

Uyi had not been able to sleep. A couple of things were bugging his mind. The first was the fact that his mother called. She never called unless she saw one of her ‘visions’, and they were usually bad.

“Omoruyi, I don’t like what I saw oh,” she spoke into the phone, breathing heavily.

“Mama, what have you seen now?” he had sighed.

“Hmmm… I can’t tell you but I need you to pray and stay away from strange girls, Omoruyi. Stay away from them! They will destroy you.”

When she hung up, Uyi put his phone aside and began to wonder which girl was strange in his life. Was it Temi who had disappeared without warning? Or Vivian who had been calling him and begging to visit Abuja again? Or was it Dami whose father had thrust into his laps the responsibility of making a ‘decent woman’ out of her?

And that brought him to the second issue disconcerting him. Dami’s father. His first encounter with the man was not terrifying; the man simply sized him up and invited him to dinner. Now the dinner was another matter. Felix Enenche was also invited and his presence intimidated Uyi who sat uncomfortably on one of the four chairs surrounding a petite dining table in the Alechenus’ family home. The mood was tense between Uyi and Felix but Justice Anyebe was oddly relaxed with an unreadable smile on his face. Dami was also unfazed by the gathering as she had gotten plastered before the dinner.

“So, Omoruyi Emmanuel, right?” Anyebe initiated the first conversation at the table.

“Yes, sir.”

“Tell me about yourself.”

Uyi did as requested and shared the basics about himself, making certain to mention his achievements and strong points.

“That’s impressive. So our little angel here went and got herself a genius.” Anyebe smiled and Dami gave him a smirk as she put her hand beneath the table and went for Uyi’s belt buckle. Uyi shifted awkwardly and gently pushed her hand.

“I heard there was a row between you and Felix and I am sorry about it.”

Felix was chewing his food with his head bent but he shot his uncle a bad stare momentarily.

“I would have gone about it differently,” Anyebe continued, “after all, you are family now… Or aren’t you?”

Uyi swallowed noisily and replied. “I…I am.”

“Or is this thing you’re doing with Damaris just casual sex?” Anyebe asked.

“No, sir. No.”

“That’s good to hear. So you love her and you’re serious?”

Uyi found Anyebe’s manner of speaking unnerving. He always thought judges spoke gently and calculatedly. But the man sounded more like a military man who liked to make his point clear in a brusque, blatant tone. Uyi realized he was cornered. He picked his glass of water and drank it slowly as his palms began to sweat. They were all looking at him, including Dami, who was busy beneath the table again. She had succeeded in freeing his buckle this time.

“I…love her,” Uyi lied, putting down his glass as he felt his belt loose free from his waist.

“You love her?!” Felix fired. “When did you even meet her that you love her? You only want to sleep with her!”

“And how is that your business, Felix?” Dami asked acerbically.

“So what do you intend to do with this new found love, Omoruyi?” Anyebe intervened before Felix and Dami started a war of words. He pushed aside his meal, a serious look coming to his face as he concentrated on Uyi.

“We will ehm…” Uyi cleared his throat and tried on a smile. “We’ll take things easy and see how it goes.”

“Take things easy? After you slept with her?” Anyebe’s eyes changed. “Damaris, get your hand off the man’s privates, for God’s sake! Must you always be shameless?”

Dami rolled her eyes and pulled away from Uyi.

“Can you excuse us, Felix, and you too, Damaris? Omoruyi and I need to talk.”

Felix picked his plate of food and reluctantly left the table. Dami kissed Uyi on his cheek and also exited. Anyebe watched them leave before he turned back to Uyi. He pulled out his checkbook and a pen.

“How much will it take you to stay with my daughter and make her happy?”

The question jarred Uyi and he stared at Anyebe with a confused face.

“Sir?”

“How much will it cost for you to be her boyfriend so that she knows what it means to have a man in her life, someone who would keep her away from the lesbian group of friends she has surrounded herself with.”

“Lesbian…?”

“Haven’t you met them before? It was because of their kind I pulled her out of Europe and she came back here and joined the Abuja clique. They are the reason she’s not had a real boyfriend and it is only a matter of time before she becomes one of them. So thank you for fixing her back into womanhood. I’d be an old fool if I said I don’t know that you don’t love her. You just want to win money on that website.”

Uyi chuckled. “What website?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“It’s not about the site, sir. I really feel something for Dami.”

“Well, whatever your motive is, all I care about is you doing the right thing as a responsible man. I will not sit here and discuss my failure as a father with you but I will tell you that I haven’t been around and hence, she and I have this huge gap between us. But you are going to fill it. You will bring us closer and you are going to keep her grounded, submissive and attracted to the male gender as every woman ought to be…just like her mother was…”

Anyebe paused briefly and blinked into the air before him. Uyi looked into his eyes and saw that his tough deportment was replaced by a brief troubled look.

“I…have a chronic heart disease that she knows nothing about and anytime now, I’ll be gone and I hate to think that I would leave her in the arms of fate. I need to be certain that I am leaving a legacy even if it ends up in the hands of a stranger. Damaris cannot end up gay. I will do anything and give you whatever you ask for. All you have to do is be a real man to her. You have to make her stop the drugs and the partying and the flirting around. You have to. She loves you; I see it in her eyes. She has given you everything. It is only fitting that you give something back. Make her happy and I will die in peace. That is why I invited you here and you will not disappoint me, Omoruyi. So again I ask, what will it cost?”

Uyi was in silent shock. Much of what the man had said was still finding a resting place in his head but he could sense deep paternal pain and he understood it. Being the only male in his family after his father’s death, Uyi knew what it meant to be a father at an early age. He had two younger sisters with children out of wedlock and an elder sister who was an unabashed runs girl. He was the only normal one in his home and the only father figure. Therefore, he understood what the sixty-two year old man sitting across him was going through. But try as he might, he couldn’t say anything back, either comforting or dispiriting.

“It’s a blank check.” Anyebe pushed a check at Uyi. “Fill in the date and the amount. Any amount.”

“Sir, I can’t accept this.” Uyi pushed back the check but Anyebe took it, folded it and shoved it into Uyi’s breast pocket.

“Keep it. Think about my offer and let me know by tomorrow morning.”

Anyebe went back to his salad and kept the straight face of the elderly, masking what lay beneath the surface.

After Uyi left the Alechenus’ he tried to remain collected for the rest of the night but he couldn’t. Dami had kept him awake with crazy stories from her life in Milan and Paris. He was carried away by her restless hand gestures and the constant light in her eyes that was fueled by her overexcited nature. But after a while, her excitement died and she fell into sleep while he remained awake all night, battling with his thoughts and the mosquitoes in his room. Somewhere in the slaughterhouse, some girl, as usual, was having the sex of her life as she screamed out obscenities in the silent darkness ; somewhere else, a bunch of guys were playing computer games, their voices also loud. Uyi remained awake at their noise until his mother’s call reminded him that he hadn’t slept.

Now he sat on a plastic chair with the blank check in his hand. His mother’s warning was replaying in his head but Dami’s inviting body called to him. He switched off his phone, put down the window shades and crawled in beside her. The warmth of her body distracted him immediately. She stirred and drew to him, pressing her body to his to let him know of her instant need. She took his hand and put it between her legs and wrapped herself around him. Already used to her brazenness, he went with the flow and told himself everything else was going to be fine in the end.

************

Doctor Mola looked at his patient sadly. She wouldn’t talk. She wouldn’t look at him. She wouldn’t respond to anything. All she had told him was her name. Every other information he needed from her, she had refused to divulge. But weirdly, she was recuperating really well. Having gone through a miscarriage and suffering from multiple bruises on her body, she seemed to be coping fine. Nonetheless, he needed more information about what had happened to her and how she had ended up on the cold pavement of a federal highway.

“Temidire, please talk to me.” He was speaking in a hushed tone to make sure neither of the other patients in the ward heard him. He drew his chair closer and looked at her beautiful hands with an urge to hold them. It wasn’t that he was attracted to her. He just had a weakness for broken souls and Temi was one.

“You won’t give a number of a relative or friend so I can call, you won’t answer my questions, you won’t…”

“I want to go home,” she mumbled and he sighed in relief.

“Finally you speak.”

“I want to go home,” she repeated, her eyes still staring in blankness.

“You will go home when you get better.”

“No, I’m leaving…against medical advice. I will sign the form.”

“Temi…” he drew closer and took her hands. She didn’t object. “I know you are fine but just give me one more day to observe you…”

“No.” She pulled her hand away. “I will sign the form and go home. Now.”

Mola spoke to her at length, trying to make her see reason for staying back but she remained adamant. Finally, he leaned back on his chair and sighed. “As you wish.”

He stood and walked to the nurses’ station outside the ward and explained to the matron in charge what Temi wanted. The matron, a tired old lady, merely shrugged and handed the DAMA form to Mola and he walked back in. Temi filled in the required fields and signed.

“So, whom should I call to pay your bills and take you home?”

Temi gave him a number and he tried it.

************

“I lost the baby,” Temi said to Dike as he drove her back to her house from the hospital. He looked at her and turned back to the road. Those were her first words to him since he picked her from the hospital.

“Temi what happened to you? The doctor said he found you by the roadside near Keffi. What were you doing there?”

Temi bit her lip and began to tear up. Dike reached for her hand but she turned away. “Just take me home.”

“That is what I’m doing. But you have to talk to me, cuddles. What happened?”

“I just want to go home,” she said and he sighed.

He acceded to her wish and drove her to her house. At the door, he stopped to take off his shoes but she shook her head at him.

“Temi…I need to know what happened to you and the baby. Talk to me. Come on…”

“Dike, thank you for paying my bills and bringing me home but I don’t want to see you again. I made that clear before.”

“Did you abort my child?”

“Bye.”

She shut the door in his face and locked it behind her. She waited for him to knock but he didn’t. She walked into her bathroom and threw up in the toilet as she cried wretchedly.

************

Uyi was still awake and it was now approaching dusk. The check was yet to be filled and had now shifted base to his wallet. He looked at Damaris who was sleeping again and he envied her. He wore his clothes, switched on his phone and walked out of his room. The smell hit him first before the smoke did as he entered a smoke-filled zone where the slaughterhouse heroes were having a Workers’ Day marijuana fest. They were already high even though the sun was just setting. They were either going to move the meeting to one of the bars in town later or invite people over for a full house party, none of which appealed to Uyi. Yet he thought it wise to pay his respects since they had been accusing him of spending less time with them lately.

He walked into the sitting room and upon seeing him, they hailed. Ovie even got off his couch to do a mock bow before him.

“Una no well,” Uyi laughed as he picked out the faces of the usual suspects. In attendance also were two guys who lived next door. Uyi didn’t know their names but they were the guys that constantly supplied Ovie and Peter the men that needed female company and were willing to pay. Before Uyi appeared, they were planning a potential hook up to help ‘service’ one Alhaji that lived down their street. Peter was at the forefront of the arrangement. He had just broken up with his girlfriend after she caught him cheating. The hookup was a welcome distraction.

Uyi went round shaking hands with everyone, including Edet. When he got back to Ovie, he was acknowledged with a military salute. “Touale! How you take do am?”

Uyi hissed. “How you dey take do your own?” he asked lightheartedly and sat on the couch Ovie vacated. “Abeg, make pesin buzz me.”

Ovie handed him half-smoked weed with another mock bow but he declined and accepted a bag of fresh ones from Edet.

“But dat girl mehn…damn! She hawt. If you see her skin. Omo! Abeg, Uyi she get friends? I need a little oomph this night.”

Peter stared at Ovie. “The one wen you do last night no satisfy you? Buffet complex too dey worry you.”

“Abeg, dat last night babe na one kain beast of burden. I dey find me loaded girls like Damaris. You see the kain motor wen she park outside?”

“But Uyi, you no try.” Murphy who was seated at a far corner munching on fried groundnuts cut in. “You for introduce us to her. Na so e be now?”

Uyi frowned as he began wrapping his weed. “Introduce wetin? Make person come help me tidy my babe again, abi?”

“Na wa for you oh, Uyi. You too dey carry person for belle,” Edet commented bitterly. “Na so you take break my nose.”

Uyi gave Edet a mean eye. “Omo, catch head for there before you get fault this evening.”

“Back to the matter at hand,” Murphy butt in. “I fit just glance her small? I don see her for billboard and TV but I wan view her live even as she dey sleep now. She dey sleep abi she don die? I know say you don fire am sotay she enter coma.”

The sitting room went into laughter.

“No be small ting,” said Peter with a drawn laugh. He cleared his throat. “But seriously Uyi, no take dat babe play. As you don tear dat leather now, the number of guys wey one help you arrange the gbekus dem plenty. Me as number one. Edet here na constant…” Peter hardly finished when he fell into laughter and the whole sitting joined him except Uyi who was lighting his weed. After his first drag, he warned Peter in a light note.

“Abeg, no use your heartbreak mouth winchy my relationship.”

“Na true,” Ovie agreed with him. “Peter get bad mouth now. No talk again. Take dis one cover mouth.”

He handed Peter the previously rejected weed and sat on the floor. The conversation moved to other random things for a whole hour. At that time, the nameless neighbors had taken their leave and Murphy had prepared a bowl of soggy noodles which everyone ignored. Ovie, in a happy mood, dialed an eatery and ordered a late lunch for everyone. When he asked Uyi what Dami would like to eat, Uyi shrugged. Ovie ordered jellof rice and chicken for her and hung up.

“But Uyi, you love the babe?” Peter asked. Uyi who was a little high threw his hands behind his head and relaxed on the couch, saying nothing until Peter repeated the question.

“Guy no ask me. I no know,” he finally replied. “I jus like her and the euphoria of freshness still dey my body so surely I must have some kain strong feelings for her but love? Nna mehn, I no fit answer dat one because I no even sabi wetin I dey do with her.”

“No enter dat territory sha. E go hard you to commot,” Peter advised and there was silence for a short while. Murphy concentrated on his meal while Ovie stretched out on the floor dreaming of his ordered food. Edet had curled up in a ball and was sleeping.

“I wan ask you something, Peter,” Uyi said as Peter kept his eyes on his phone.

“I dey hear.”

Uyi got out his wallet from his pocket and pulled out the blank check Anyebe had given him and handed to Peter. Peter looked at it momentarily and passed it back to Uyi.

“Pesin write you blank check? Wait, wait, wait… no be Justice Alechenu name I see there? Make I see again.”

Uyi gave him the check again and he looked at it and looked back at Uyi. “Na your…. Na Damaris’ papa be dis?”

Uyi nodded and went ahead to confide in him everything that transpired between him and Anyebe. At the end of his story, he realized he had the attention of Ovie and Murphy also.

“Hin offer you blank check and you dey form?” Ovie questioned Uyi with a grave face.

“If your own babe papa offer you money, you go collect?” Uyi threw back at him.

“I go collect na! Wetin you dey yarn? Guy, money na money! No form over-kaku for dis matter, chairman.”

“See am. E don dey call you chairman,” Murphy noted.

“No mind the fool,” Peter said. “OV, you get faulty wiring and na God go save you because you fit ginger pesin to enter hell fire. God punish you. Na so you join me with that custress wey destroy my relationship.”

“Guy, I no follow you clean closet. But you no be my problem now sef.” Ovie went back to Uyi. “I gus to hail my brother! Uyi, make I no lie. I been dey think sey you be oshi but your parols these days too tight. You no dey fall my hand! As you don quarter to hammer, make I become your attaché. At your humble service, egbon!” He gave his third bow for the evening and Uyi smiled lightheartedly, enjoying every moment with his friends.

“So you’ll fill in the check?” Peter asked and the meaning in his tone and choice of language was conveyed to Uyi.

“Mehn, to be honest, I regret sleeping with her but I no fit stop. Anytime I dey with her, my senses go just lock up. The girl don hook me…” Uyi leaned back. “Then her papa…. I no fit accept his offer.”

“I dey feel you.”

“Come Uyi, bone dat yarns, leave sand-sand for bar beach abeg and just take the money, take the babe, take everything and do am like foreign. No hold anything back,” Ovie advised.

“No do am,” Peter countered.

“Do am!” Ovie and Murphy said simultaneously.

“The guy wan load hin pikin madness for on top your head,” Peter stated. “Na you born the girl?”

“But na you first enter there,” Ovie argued. “So as you get mind to do dat one, finish wetin you don start. Nack am belle before her eye go clear, then marry am. You be sharpito na. You don already earn bragging rights for her head and her papa dey respect you sef. So take the offer and live your life! Big boy movement from now on, baby! Hey! My guy don hammer!”

“Me I don tell you my own,” Peter said and drew his phone to his attention again.

“Abeg, whose phone dey ring?” Edet stirred from sleep and looked around dazedly. Uyi picked out the sound of his ringing phone. He found it at Edet’s feet and he answered his call without looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?” came a familiar voice.

“Temi?” Uyi strained his ear. There was loud background noise coming from her end. Uyi stood and walked out of the sitting room.

“Tems, where have you been? I have been calling and calling but your phone has been off. Are you okay?”

She said she was fine but he caught a tremble in her voice.

“Are you at home? I’m coming over now, darling.”

“Okay, please come.”

Uyi was surprised at himself at the name he just called her. He hadn’t meant it to come out.

She hung up and he walked back in. He headed to his bedroom where he had a shower, brushed and changed into fresh clothes. Dami was still sleeping when he left.

“Guys I wan reach Maitama,” he announced to his friends.

“Don’t worry. Our investment dey in good hands,” Ovie winked and Uyi hurried out with a laugh.

************

Temi turned off her cooker and commenced on preparing the third bowl of eba since she returned from the call center down her street. The soup she brought out had defrosted and was now in the microwave but she couldn’t get the eba right. The first had been too soft, the second had been too hard and this one was already turning out like the first. Very frustrated, she hit the bowl and it fell to the floor. She felt a sharp pain in her ribs as she fought compelling tears. She rubbed her stinging eyes and felt a different pain on her cheeks where her hands had touched. The place was swollen and raw as was every part of her body. Against Mola’s advice, she had taken off all the bandages on her bruises before she had her bath and now the rawness was getting to her. She lowered herself to the floor painfully to pick the bowl but an upsurge of emotions got the best of her and she broke into tears and remained crouched.

She could hear someone knocking on the front door but somehow she couldn’t move herself.

“Temi!” Uyi called from outside.

“The door is open,” she said in tears, her voice in a whisper.

Uyi knocked again and tried the door handle and the door creaked open.

“Tems?” he called and she felt her stomach flutter. Even after all she had been through, her heart still knew what it wanted.

“I’m here,” she managed to say and he turned in the direction of the kitchen. Uyi stood at the doorway, one foot almost in the air as he froze at her sight.

“Temi?” he could barely speak out. “What’s this? Who did this to you?”

He squatted and held her hands. “Come on, get up.”

He pulled her up and examined her fully. “Your boyfriend did this?” She shook her head and clung to him. He held her, careful not to hurt her, but her grip on him was tight.

“Oya, please stop crying. I can’t stand tears, abeg. Stop it.”

He managed to free himself and led her to her room. “Sit.”

She sat on her bed and he walked into her bathroom. He returned with a bowl of antiseptic water and a face towel.

“There’s gauze and bandage in one white polythene in the parlor,” Temi said. Uyi walked into the sitting room and returned with dressing for her wounds and attended to her.

“My mom is a nurse,” he said, “and she had this medicine store and I always watched her dress wounds, so I learnt a thing or two.” Uyi was smiling, trying to make easy conversation but Temi sat before him miserably, tears flowing freely.

“Temi, but who did this to you?” He asked when he concluded with the last dressing. Temi said nothing, did away with her nightshirt and lay down.

“Talk to me, Tems. You’re killing me here.”

Temi drew a long sniff and opened her mouth to speak but the words were far from coming as her eyes stared into the distance frighteningly. Her face scrunched in agony afterwards and she moaned, biting her fingers, her whole body shaking. Uyi felt incapacitated and unexpected tears come to his own eyes. He blinked them away rapidly, put aside the bowl of water and towel and climbed into the bed behind her. He wrapped his arms around her, feeling her tremble with each snivel.

“Please, don’t go,” she begged.

“I won’t go anywhere, darling.” Again, the word had come out unexpectedly and so did the pecks he placed on her burning cheek and ear lobe. He stroked her fingers slowly and whispered something in her ear. Her shivers subsided at once and she drew a long sniff. She shut her eyes and listened to his heart beating in a regular rhythm. Nothing on earth could compare to that priceless moment and no words could better what he had just whispered to her.

^©Sally @moskedapages

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• To Tame A Virgin #4 (moskedalounge.wordpress.com)
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• To Tame A Virgin #7 (moskedalounge.wordpress.com)

The Backwoods of Oblivion

The Liebster Award

Two people nominated me for this award. Mike Dammy and Sagay. And I want to thank them. *Big, warm hugs* guys.

The Liebster Award is an award for upcoming bloggers with less than 200 followers and for who someone believes deserve some recognition for their blogging.

I have more than 200 followers oh. But it feels good to be recognized by wonderful writers.

So, this awards is all about love and warmth and sweetness and kindness and all nice things. It’s about sharing. It has its own rules and they are:

1. Thank the person who nominated you – Done that.

2. List 11 random facts about yourself – About to do that.

3. Answer the questions they have asked you – Dreading to do that. I have 22 questions to answer

4. Nominate 11 other people- Will soon do that.

5. Ask the nominees 11 questions – Can’t wait to do that.

6. Last and definitely least, let them know you have nominated them.- Okay

11 Random Facts About Me

1. I use a sponge once a week. Soaps are strong enough. Why scrape all that lovely skin?
2. I know all the songs in Sound of Music and 80% of the lines. I can watch that movie every single day.
3. I love greens (vegetables are good for you. Just inhale)
4. I’m a badt schemer *evil laugh.
5. I have a huge crush on Johnny Depp *sigh
6. Unapologetic rebellious pastor’s kid
7. I love being a mother. I can’t wait to have another
8. Jesus all the way!
9. I still get shy around my husband
10. I wish I was taken back to the 1800’s
11. I have a thing for my backside

Mike Dammy’s Questions

1.     Why are you so awesome?

Because I am

2.      What do/did you study in the Uni?

Sociology and Anthropology

3.      Is CU the best school in the world?

Uhm…no

4.      What inspires you?

God, life and those other things

5.      What do you love most about blogging?

I dunno

6.      Is there a special somebody in your life?

Oh, yeah.

7.      Why am I your favourite blogger?

Did I say you were?

8.      Can Nigeria ever be great?

With everything that is happening, we still have people who not only survive but come out and rub shoulders with people from better countries, so I’d say Nigeria dey try sha

9.      Love or Sex?

Both

10. What’s your selling point?

I dunno. I sha sell

11. How many questions did you answer truthfully?

All

And Now, Sagay’s Questions

1. Apart from you, does anyone (not GOD) deserve credits for your blog? Who?

Le Husby

2. Who’s your favourite character of all time from the novels you’ve read?

Sherlock Holmes

3. Pro-life or Pro-choice?

Pro-life but who has right to choose for another?

4. King Sunny Ade or Ebenezer Obey?

John Legend

5. Fuji, Juju or Highlife?

Okay, now laughing

6. Do you have a favourite story on your blog? Which?

Yes. That would have to be Adesuwa 

7. Do you believe jazz (African science) exist?

Yeah. But it doesn’t work

8. What do you think about the prediction of Nigeria breaking up in 2015?

Are you sure we’d even last that long?

9. What is the craziest criticism you’ve received on your blog?

Wow. That would have to be about a post I didn’t even write. The commenter clicked on a referenced post, read it, hated it and came back to my blog to blast me about it. That was really crazy.

10. What’s your take on death penalty? You think it should be abolished?

With Boko Haram killing people like flies and breaking out of prison? Hell No.

11. Does your spouse/fiancée write too?

Not at all.

And here are my own 11 questions:

1. What part of your body do you like best?
2. What is the name of your ex’s mother?
3. Do you believe the world will come to an end?
4. Have you written a poem or song for anyone?
5. If you had twenty-four hours to live, what would you do?
6. Can you fart in front of the opposite sex?
7. What do you get high on?
8. When you were little did you steal from your parents?
9. Do you think you can ever rule Nigeria successfully?
10. Beyonce or Rihanna
11. And just because I want to hear this, what do you like about my blog?

And the nominees are:

1. @saymalcolm www.saymalcolm.wordpress.com
2. @IAm_Tomi www.tomiadesina.com
3. @umariayim www.umariayim.com
4. @zeenike www.zeenike.wordpress.com
5. @ayosogunro www.idlemindset.com/
6. @StNaija www.thenaijawriter.wordpress.com
7. @toyinfab www.toyinfabs.wordpress.com
8. @newnaija www.isaacolanewnaija.com
9. @afam20 www.theramblingsofamadman-afam.blogspot.co.uk
10. @persiux5 www.denizutopia.wordpress.com
11. @teewahalagbe www.dreammyme.blogspot.com
12. And just because I like to break the rules… @Dottaraphels www.dottaraphel.wordpress.com

And of course, just because I didn’t nominate those who nominated me, doesn’t mean they aren’t awesome bloggers.

And here is my award. See, no sponge! 😀

And I’m outta here!

To Tame A Virgin #7

Read previous episodes HERE

They say when two hearts are in love they beat as one. Or as the modern day writer would put it, ‘no one knew where his heartbeat stopped and hers began.’

That should be the case for Dami and Uyi – two lovers with their hearts pulsing for each other… but why should a lie be forged on these pages? How can one force upon the two lovers a physical bond that did not click in their souls? But sadly, there was one heart beating for the other the morning after. While Uyi went to sleep after feral and passionate lovemaking, Dami stayed awake, her eyes to the ceiling with a dreamy look in them. It seemed she had fallen in love on speedial. Uyi had to be the one. At first she had feared that he would get mad at her for lying about her virginity but he had laughed hilariously at himself for being too dumb not to have noticed he was entering uncharted territory. He called himself a fool and drew her into his arms. Then he made love to her again, asking permission to be gentler this time. Dami had said yes and couldn’t stop saying it as she experienced her first ever orgasm. In fact, had Uyi asked for her hand in marriage during the occasion, she would have replied with a resounding ‘yes!’ How could she say no to him when she had given him everything? After all the years of waiting, it seemed only fitting to love the first man that made her feel like a woman. To her, Uyi was king in her world and she absolutely belonged to him.

Therefore she lay in bed and thought of him without end, listening to soulful songs from her iPhone; and when she had fantasized enough, prompted by a long yawn, she visited the camera application on her phone. Using Uyi’s hand to cover her small, perky breasts, she posed beside him with a plain face but with eyes sparkling in love, and took a photo. In her euphoria, she uploaded the photo on Twitter with the caption: “finally THE ONE!” Her head hit Uyi’s chest not long after and succumbed to sleep but even before she would have her first wink, the Twitter world would begin to buzz about the latest development.

************

When Uyi woke up, the clouds were heavy and grey and his first thought was making it home before the rain started. Dami did not cross his mind. Not even as he slipped into his clothes and felt the stings of her fingernail scratchings on his back. His second thought was on whether he could find a bus to Wuse market from Area One that early. Dami only caught his attention when he turned to leave. She was smiling in her sleep and he thought she looked absolutely gorgeous in the nude. He wanted to kiss her goodbye but he remembered the night before and how she had been too insatiable for his liking. If he had not seen the blood on the sheets, nothing would have convinced him that she was a virgin before he went in. She was crazy and passionate and wild all at once and it was something he always wanted in a woman—one who could stir up the quiet waters in him—but something was not just clicking with her. During the time they were making love, when his body was one with hers, he had sought for what was missing, had searched her eyes to see if they reflected what he hoped to see, but he had found nothing. Yet he had not missed the look of absolute adoration and affection she had for him but he told himself it was just for the night. Such emotions were only ardent when a woman’s g-spot was under his spell. He had seen it too many times to take it too seriously. To him, Dami was just a statistic and like her kind usually did, she was going to forget about him soon. He saw himself playing the role of a dildo again like he had done so many times in the past. Dami would soon fall into the category of girls that just wanted sexual satisfaction from him but would stick to the more appropriate boyfriend—the one with the fine car, with the loaded pocket, the one who was husband material waiting on his knees with a diamond ring.

Uyi was yet to get there. In time…he told himself as he slipped into his clothes. So far he had closed his heart to any form of affection that was bound to come knocking at his door. It was that same resolution that had kept him from falling in love for a long time. No one was going to take away his freedom of using his heart wisely. Not even Dami who could give Agbani a run for her money.

He scribbled down a note to leave by Dami’s bedside but changed his mind; a phone call was more appropriate. He left the house very quietly and luckily found an early bus to take him home.

************

Doctor Mola had had a long night and it was telling on his shoulders. They both hurt like he had been carrying heavy stones on them. He yawned and prayed silently for his eyes to keep him awake till he got to his journey’s end in Kubwa. He hated the trips to Keffi and back but he needed the extra pay. Weddings these days were a do or die affair where the man did and died while the woman danced and smiled her way into his home. So far, Mola’s introduction and traditional wedding had eaten deep into his resources. Now he dreaded the almighty white wedding which was coming for him in two weeks. His fiancée, on the other hand, did not care. She wanted her wedding more glamorous and more expensive than her elder sister’s and had even suggested to Mola to start an abortion clinic in his house to meet up with the wedding requirements. He blatantly refused and threatened to dump her if she came up with the idea again. He prided in being a man of honor, of moral standing and of compassion. He loved God and believed all life, even in form of blood, came from heaven. It was therefore not his place to end anyone’s existence just because he could.

The atmosphere was now a tad cool with gloomy clouds covering the sky. Mola turned off his air conditioner and let down the car windows. Then he proceeded to turn up the volume of his Jim Reeves CD which was playing, and began to bop his head to it. He hadn’t gone quite a distance when he noticed he had passed something strange on the curb. He looked into the rearview mirror and sure enough, he had just driven past something on the untarred side of the road. Upon closer inspection as his car slowed, he noticed that the something was a someone. A female.

His eyes popped out widely and he stepped on his brakes. He looked around him. Had there been a car crash? If there was, where were the other people and vehicles that were involved in the crash? Why was she all alone? Why hadn’t anyone helped her?

Mola reversed his vehicle and stopped right beside the hapless creature lying on the curb and alighted quickly. The sight that met him was not a pleasant one. The girl was bruised in so many places and covered in her own blood. She seemed dead but without even checking Mola could see a vein pulsing beneath the skin of her neck. Nonetheless, he checked and confirmed that she was alive. He lifted her up gently, careful not to cause anymore harm to her, and laid her down in the backseat of his car. His shirt was already stained in her blood as he sat in the driver’s seat and drove away from the scene.

************

It had just begun to rain when Dike parked his car outside his gate. From the look of things, it was going to be a heavy downpour. Clutching the gift bag he had in his right hand, Dike ran in and up the stairs of his building. He dusted the soles of his trainers outside the door and on second thought completely removed the shoes when he pictured the frown he was going to see on Kachi’s face if he dared walk in with them. He tried the door handle but the door was locked. Knowing Kachi might not open from within if he rang the bell, he unlocked the door with his own key and walked into the house silently. He stood and took a deep breath. Having considered all that had transpired between both of them the night before, he felt he owed her an apology and maybe a bottle of her choice perfume. She couldn’t have been serious about a divorce. It was ironic how for a while he mused about being a bachelor again and having his freedom but having slept a whole night in a cold hotel room without the familiar warmth and smell of Kachi’s presence, he saw a bitter and lonely future awaiting him.

So he woke up early and considered his life and recent screw-ups. He had hurt the two women in his life and he desperately needed them to forgive him. If Temi wanted to keep the baby, he was going to be there for them both. If Kachi was okay with the arrangement and still wanted the marriage to work, he would contact a marriage counselor to work things out with her. But if she was not okay with the arrangement and still wanted out, she was free to go but either way, he would get her to an agreement table first. And what better access to her sense of reasoning than a simple apology and a timely gift.

He clutched the gift bag in his hand and walked with solemn steps towards the bedroom. He was surprised to find the house still in the state in which he last left it. Even the guestroom door was still thrown wide open the way he had left it after storming out of it and heading to the nearest hotel. The dining area was littered with Travis’ dinner which consisted of food catapulted from his spoon to different parts of the table and surrounding walls. The house was extremely quiet but that was Kachi’s way sometimes. She lived like a ghost when alone but the moment she had company, she became the life of the party. Dike pushed open the bedroom door and walked in slowly.

“Kach?” he called gently, his voice reading out practiced remorse. “Baby?” He moved towards the bathroom and nudged the door slightly, only to find it empty. It wasn’t after he was about to turn away that he noticed certain items missing. Her shower cap, her sponge, her towels which usually occupied every hook on the towel-hanger, her Bugs Bunny bathroom slippers—all were gone. Dike turned back to the bedroom and found the closet door wide open and Kachi’s side of it utterly empty. The dressing table was deserted as well. There was no single trace of her presence. Dike marched out to Travis room and found the same bareness and that was when it finally hit him that Kachi had made good her threat of leaving him. He began to boil in anger as he dialed her number. Her phone rang off the hook and he tried again but got the same response. He sent a quick SMS:

If you love yourself, come back to this house and bring my son along. Stop this madness. No one is divorcing anyone. This is for better and for worse!

He dumped the gift bag somewhere and went for the first bottle of alcohol he found in the house—an unopened bottle of McDowell’s Reserve Whiskey. He put it to his lips and took a long gulp before the ringing in his head stopped. He sat before the TV and put his legs on the table that stood in the center of the sitting room. He looked at his blinking phone, more messages were coming into his email box, notifications from totameavirgin.com. He hadn’t visited the site since the night before and he still didn’t feel like. Dami and whoever she decided to open her legs for were the least of his problems. In short, he contemplated turning the site over to one of those corper boys. So far he had succeeded in using a proxy server and no one had traced the site to him. But he was bored with the whole thing now. The novelty of wanting to ridicule Dami had worn off. Such was always the case with him. He got tired of things easily. Maybe too easily… Maybe he really was at fault in this whole Kachi and Temi business. Maybe someday he would fully admit that he could be held culpable for any pain he caused both women.

But until then, he had his pride to protect and a sexy beard to grow. He heard it was the rave these days. He scratched his chin and his unnecessary dimple appeared as he looked at Kachi smiling at him from a framed photo on the wall.

“You’ll come back, baby,” he said and drank his whiskey. “I know you will.”

************

The whole office had heard. Uyi was fired. Felix Enenche had not yelled in Idoma or a strange language when he commanded him to leave. It was no small matter the way he stood over Uyi’s desk and unleashed his anger. He vibrated so hard that his glasses fell off his face to the floor. But who could blame him? The news of Dami’s disvirgining had spread around the internet like wild fire, thanks to Dami’s uploaded photo on Twitter. She had put it up as early as 3am but before the sun came up, it was big news, with Felix getting wind of it through a reliable source. Fueled by instant anger, he drove to Dami’s place, praying to burst upon Uyi but he was met with Dami’s insolence at the front door. She didn’t deny the trending gossip but she didn’t say anything to affirm it either. Felix left the same way he came – with deep intent to put Uyi where he felt he really belonged and that was as far away from his young cousin as possible.

“It would be best for you if you just found your way back to Edo State because as far as I am concerned, you will never serve in Abuja again! And if I can help it, never again in Nigeria!”

Those were Felix’s final words to Uyi that morning. After that, he marched back to his office, carrying his storm with him. There was absolute silence following the drama Uyi’s colleagues just witnessed between both men. Uyi had not uttered more than five words but somehow his silence had spoken volumes to Felix. He had offered no apologies nor shown any sign of remorse in his stare back into the older man’s eyes. And something transpired in that crowded office that only both of them were aware of. Felix knew he was fighting a lost battle but he stood his ground firmly, even though it gave him no pleasure to see Uyi without a job. One way or another, he thought, the boy would bounce back; but that had to be when he was a million miles away from Damaris.

“I’m sorry about what happened, Uyi.”

“Yeah, sorry. It’s so unfair.”

“Your personal relationship has nothing to do with your work relationship na. What is Mr. Enenche’s own?”

Uyi smiled absentmindedly at the kind words coming from the beautiful girls of the customer relations department where Dami was manager. They had been the first at his desk, even before the nerds that shared the same office with him.

“But you’re a corper nau, government pikin. You can still serve anywhere.”

“Must you serve sef? It’s not like it guarantees a job at the end of the day. Just gaan start business.”

“Abi oh. Ya too smart to be doing all this office madness. If it was me…”

The voices speaking to Uyi faded away as he stared at Temi’s desk. She still hadn’t shown up at work and her phone was still switched off. He worried that something was wrong with her.

“Uyi?” a gentle stroking of his upper arm jarred him back into the office.

“Yeah?” he blinked at the girl whose hand was on his.

“Take it easy sha. If you need a job, call me. I have connections.” She winked and began to walk away, deliberately shaking her backside at him. The other girls also left but with less flair and he sat down on his chair and began to pack what little he possessed. Some of his colleagues had a few sympathetic words to say but the rest clung to their computer screens like they always did. Uyi often imagined what they would do in the face of a coming hurricane. Would they be glued to their desks, typing away at their keyboards while the flood carried them?

He shoved his belongings into his laptop bag and stood from his chair. As he exited the office, he dialed Dami; she answered and begged him over to her place.

************

Dami’s house was as loud as a party. The music coming from it drowned the sound of the torrential rain that Uyi was escaping from outside. As he neared the front door which he saw thrown wide open, he imagined the sitting room full of Dami’s jobless friends. But he walked in and found Dami alone, dancing to Neyo’s Let Me Love You with a body that was created to move to any beat. She grinned when she saw him but she didn’t stop. She invited him over. He hesitated but she walked to him and drew him in. He wanted to be a spectator and he told her as much, shouting above the loud speakers to be heard. She shook her head and asked him to dance along, teaching him a few moves. Uyi laughed, saying he had two left feet but she shoved her hand down his jeans and her tongue through his lips. Immediately being fueled by her and because he had the brain of a genius, he tried the steps she showed him and got them correctly. And though he didn’t bust the moves like she did, he eased into a rhythm with her effortlessly.

As they danced away, Uyi forgot that he was out of work, Dami forgot the reason why she had called him over and without helping the strong chemistry between them both, they ended up making love on one of the couches with Neyo’s song on repeat. It wasn’t until after Dami had stopped screaming out Uyi’s name in pure orgasmic pleasure that they heard a car stop at her driveway. Uyi sprang up first and peered through the open door to see a man get out from behind the wheels of a luxury car. He looked casual and cheaply dressed and a little too old to be running round the car the way he did with an umbrella. But he got to the passenger back door and pulled it open for someone else and Uyi strained his neck to see who it was.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot. My dad just got in from the States and insisted on coming here,” Dami said casually.

Uyi shot wide, terrified eyes at her. “And you invited me over and we…?”

“I thought he wouldn’t come because of the rain…”

“And you invited me?!”

“Just wear your clothes.” Dami threw Uyi’s boxers, t-shirt and jeans to him as he was already bolting out of the sitting room. She languidly walked to the CD player and turned down the volume considerably before picking her dress off the floor. A shadow was cast in at her front door and she turned to look at it. Her sixty-two year old father stood there, a walking stick in his hand and a void look on his face.

“You just had to come even when I said no,” Dami said coldly, wearing her dress.

“Hold your horses, angel. I’m not here for you. Is he here?” Chief Justice Anyebe Alechenu walked in with a slight limp as his eyes scanned the sitting room observantly.

“Who are you talking about?” Dami asked.

“Where is the foolish dog that thought it smart to play with the cub while the lion was away?”

Dami rolled her eyes. The man was always full of needless proverbs.

“I don’t have a dog.”

“Oh yes, you do. And you’re sleeping with it. That’s your underwear there as proof.” He pointed his walking stick at Dami’s g-string lying on the floor beside her. “And don’t forget the condom wrap too,” he added and Dami frowned sourly, bringing her wide lips to a full pout.

The old man made sure he sat on a single chair near the door, away from the lovemaking zone. “Angel, go get me a nice glass of that lovely iced tea you always make, will you? And also come along with him. I’d like to say a few words before I ruin him.”

Dami’s eyes clouded in tears rapidly as she fixed her father a loathsome stare.

“Why won’t you leave me alone?” she mumbled beneath her breath but he smiled, his old eyes twinkling like hers. “I so hate you!” she added.

He laughed lightly. “Well, not as much as he’s going to hate me, angel.”

^©Sally @moskedapages

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Dear Writer

I have not done a totally random post in a while, so I have decided to sit before my laptop and write this because it has been piling up in my head for some time now. And after a little research, I think it’s time to unload the crappy things you and I have written. Yes, I include myself because I have written crap and might still be found writing crap (may never admit it though).

Today, I will not just be dishing out the dirt, I’ll be listing clichés and every other BS that we often have used.

In no particular order, I begin:

1. 1.       Tall. Dark. Handsome

Punctuated for serious emphasis. He can’t be anything less. *clears throat* For real? Can’t he be short, fair and ugly? Or fat and oily? Or tall and stupid? Or even the lovechild of Whoopi and Segun Arinze? Why must he be tall, dark and handsome? And ehm, Nigerians, we are already dark here. I mean, with the likes of Wande Coal, what type of darkness are we looking for again na? Somebody please explain to me.

1. 2.       Making love all through the night

For what? Okay, has anyone counted how many hours are contained in ‘all through the night’? For the sake of practicality, let’s erase the time gap between 8pm to 11pm when normalings sleep. Sexlings usually do the bad thing between 12am to 6am (and sleep in the wee hours of the morning). As you have noticed, the time frame is six freaking hours! Six hours of sex! Who does that? I am yet to even hear of a sex scene in a porn movie lasting for two hours.

1. 3.       Character forming amnesia

Story builds up and by now you have fallen in love with the character but something happens, either an accident or attempted murder and the character goes into a coma and wakes up with amnesia. Most times, this character has a love interest and now has forgotten about them only to fall in love with them again in the end. Or the character could have some very serious truth he/she was about to share when the unfortunate event occurs and now amnesia has wiped it all away. *sigh* Can’t the character just die from the amnesia?

1. 4.       Evil twin

This one is classic. I remember Ramsey Nouah’s Dangerous Twins that was a hit at some point. What was that all about? One good, one bad? Can’t they both be bad like P-Square and have kids all over? Can’t they both do mischief with their twinness like real twins do? Why must one be bad?

1. 5.       Unnecessary sex

Okay, pause. This is becoming a disturbing trend especially amongst Nigerian writers. It’s like we have just discovered sex and in a very raunchy way. Methinks some of these writers are just writing out their fantasies. And what is more appalling is that it all sounds alike. As if it is the same sex scene witnessed and told by different people. Come on, erotica should be an art, not a bad taste in the mouth; and like every part of a good story, it should have meaning and be part of the entire plot in the long run. Don’t just give people reason to wank while reading your work.

1. 6.       Something-inches long penis

Still on the sex issue. What’s up with accurately getting the measurement of a male character’s erect penis? Who measures these things? It is funnier if the story is told in the first person narrative and she is female. Is she really measuring the length with her invisible ruler? Na wa oh.

1. 7.       Love triangles

This one has been over-flogged. Two people are in a relationship but there’s that one person outside that one of the two is supposed to be loving. And I’m thinking, isn’t life not more complicate than that? Why end in a triangle? Make it a long chain. The triangle thing is really annoying… Oh, shoot! I think I’m very guilty of this. Moving on quickly to the next.

1. 8.       What did you want to talk about?

Okay, as much as this happens in real life (even with me so many times), it has been overused in movies and I hate to see it written. For instance, Bola walks to Cynthia and goes, “I have something to tell you.” And Cynthia says, “what is it?” But Ali walks in and reveals new info and leaves. So Cynthia turns to Bola and asks again, “what were you trying to tell me?” But Bola replies, “Oh, it’s nothing serious. Forget it.” Arrrrghh!

1. 9.       Film tins

I know Lord of the Rings might have been the best movie you watched but it doesn’t mean you should do your own version in words. Leave the TV fantasy for TV fantasy. If you know nothing about sci-fi, why try writing it just because you were inspired by George Lucas? Let’s not forget that we have our own UFO here in Nigeria. Inspire yourself by coming out around two in the night and watch them move through time and space. That story will sell more than the movies.

1. 10.   Throwing up

So your character has a bun in the oven and the only way she goes about it is by throwing up? Back in the day, they fainted. Maybe in the future, they’ll just die.

Typical scene: The patient tells the doctor, “Doctor, I’m here for a pregnancy test. I think I’m pregnant.” Doctor asks, “how do you know?” Patient smiles. “I died yesterday morning and this morning too. In short I have been dying for the past one week.”

Who doesn’t love those cool female characters that go to their men and say, “Bros, I’m pregnant. And I am keeping it. You better start arranging space in your house for two more.” For real though, this is what happens in life.

1. 11.   Well-shaped, fully-endowed woman

Just like her male counterpart who is tall, dark and handsome, this one has it all going for her too. Oh, and she can cook, is financially independent and can rock a man’s bed like a boat on a stormy sea. This is of course, every Nigerian man’s dream woman but in reality how many Nigerian women have all of this in their CV? Let us not lie. Where are the well-shaped women? I see more fufu-pregnant girls than I see real life preggies. The flat-stomach chicks are extinct! Thinking of it now, I think writers are keeping the memory of them alive.

1. 12.   More cliché characters

Wicked mother-in-law, abusive husband, witch housemaid, starving artist, runs girl, barren woman, molesting stepfather or uncle, cheating boyfriend, loaded hot dude (probably tall, dark and handsome too), struggling single mother, aunty who always discovers hidden pregnancy, wicked stepmother, and finally, this last one just cracks me up – madman who somehow tells the truth to some wayward person through a slap or some prophetic, madman gibberish.

Coming to the end of this, I’m discovering that there is more to talk about on this issue. So I think I’ll do a comeback with Part 2 sometime when the wind blows me to try again. The point of this exercise is to tell writers out there that there are stories yet untold. Life itself is cliché but we can always have that twist in our stories. Like I said above, we all fall into the trap. And I think I might have omitted one or two points because I found myself guilty of them. *covering face*

But there’s no excuse for me writing crap and I hereby promise to think deeper and bring out something new and original.

How about you?

Was the above question cliché? *tongue out

Please, use the comment box to share classic cliché pieces you have used and have found other writers often using.

😉

^©Sally @moskedapages