Tag Archives: disease

Celibate Men??????? [Test-the-Terone]

CELIBATE MEN???

…for men and women that really know them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Conversation between two mobile users. One female and the other, male.

BABE

R u gay?

GUY

WAT???????!!!!

BABE

Well I…

GUY

Well, wat?

BABE

D last tym I was at ur place, u rebuffed all my advances n its not d 1st time.

GUY

Oh dat…

BABE

Seriously r u gay? No guy has done dat 2me…

GUY

Oh, beliv me ur sexy! But its not u, it’s me. I’m….celibate.

BABE

Huh?????????????????????????

According to Harris Interactive for the Durex condom company, 53% of Nigerians have sex at least once a week. It means that more than half of the people you see walking on the street are going to have or have had sex this week at least once. The statistics continue, stating that men claim to have sex 66.5 times a year over women’s 57.2 times, that means men have sex 16% more times than women.

Another study based on secondary data analysis by the 2003 Nigeria Demographic and Health Survey male dataset claims that 71.2% of middle-aged men in Nigeria are sexually active, excluding teenagers and men below thirty. The study also stated that 30% of sexually active men have multiple sex partners. Please remember that this was only in 2003.

Now, back to Durex. Their research goes on to say that Nigeria has 67% sexual satisfaction rate, the highest in the world. So, I guess I am safe to say that if the statistics are anything to go by, a good number of Nigerian men have sex a lot and enjoy having it.

Note: This is not a gender debate. I noticeably didn’t include the women’s statistics.

With all my scouring of the net, I still did not get a conclusive report on the true statistics of men who have sex but they’re not my topic of discussion. Today, I am concentrating on unmarried men who have chosen not to have sex. Now, the big question is why on earth would a man choose not to have sex? I believe my tone echoes some people’s thoughts at this moment but I want us to pause for a second and consider this issue critically. It is generally believed and proven even by the dumbest person on earth that men are visually stimulated. They see, they go for it! It’s as simple as that. Another statistic that I’m still not agreeing with but is out there states that the average man thinks of sex every fifty (52) seconds when his mind is idle. To break it down, the average man’s thinking faculty reboots almost every minute to narrow down on sex unless something else occupies his mind.

Just the other day, a friend was trying to tell me something when some half-dressed girl on TV caught his attention and he lost concentration. This was our conversation.

FRIEND: Ha-ahn! (eyes glued to the TV)

ME: What is ha-ahn?

FRIEND: What is wrong with her? Why is she shamelessly shaking her breasts like that?

ME: Forget her. What were you about to tell me?

FRIEND: Er…I can’t remember. Why was she doing that?

That’s a typical man for you. You want to get his attention, visually stimulate him. Music videos, movies, ads, magazines all sell sex. Even though women are beginning to get the drift and are having their own fill of lust of the eyes, it all began with men. Hate it or like it, it’s just what happens today. But does that mean that men today cannot hold themselves and keep sex out of the picture until they get married?

I’ll leave that question for you to answer. It is one of the toughest debates out there. I have met many men and women who hold that unmarried men today cannot do without sex. To them, a man who simply says no to sex is obviously abnormal and the conclusion is that he cannot perform. Then on the opposing end, you have those who believe men can absolutely live without sex. Medical doctors and psychologists have proven that it is very possible for men to remain celibate their entire lives without contracting some fatal medical issue (like testicles exploding) or some mental or psychological block. There may be issues regarding self-confidence and social interaction, depending on the environment that person lives in, but the implications are not far-reaching.

Today, we have men out there, albeit few, that have chosen not to have sex. Most of them are doing so for religious reasons, vowing to keep their bodies pure for God and for their future wives. These are men that have chosen their faith first and attained a level that sex, as important as it is in a relationship, is just one of those things they can be put in the backseat with the hope of getting the best out of when the right time comes. It is a conscious decision that they did not just drift into. Such men have trained themselves, both body and mind to remain chaste. It is not for everyone. Although King David was a man after God’s heart, he was no Apostle Paul.

Another group of men that maintain celibacy do so because sex means profound intimacy to them, and if they cannot bond with a woman on an emotional level, they see no reason why they should have sex with her. They shy away from casual flings and one-night stands and abhor the idea that they have to sleep with someone just because they are sexually attractive to them or because the person looks hot. Different whys and wherefores drive them into their decisions. For some, they have been badly burned by an ex or exes in the past and are not ready to go down that road again; for others, it comes with maturity and the need to settle down with just one person; another case might be that a past promiscuous life left a bad taste that propelled them into completely rejecting sex or it could just be strong moral values that have nothing to do with religion.

The third group of men that choose celibacy as a lifestyle use health as their reason. Okay, what about condoms? Is it not okay to use them? The answer from these men is no! They like to go au natural, popularly known as ‘skin to skin’. They don’t believe in using condoms and would have sex with only women they are 100% sure are clean. Abstinence to them is the most effective method to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancies.

The fourth group is men who have been sexually abused before. Like women, men are also get abused; in fact, it happens more often than anyone will know because men don’t like to talk about it. It is difficult enough for a woman to share a rape experience, much less a man. Most times it happens in childhood but there are a few cases of men being abused by other men or women in their adult age. This experience can be traumatic for any man even if he’s a mixed breed of Van Damme and Iron Mike. The experience can ultimately stop a man from wanting to be intimate with anyone.

For the fifth group of men, celibacy is an empowering move. It gives them a remarkable amount of mind and emotional space that sexual activity usually consumes. Men in this group are mostly very busy and don’t have time for pleasures that would stand as distractions to their businesses. Therefore, since they are hardly available, they decide not to dwell on sex as a top priority. To them, it is a matter of time and energy and sex at that point is not just worth the stress. Apart from celibacy giving them time to concentrate on work and other important issues on their table, it gives them full control over the opposite sex. The power, for some of these men is not in their celibacy, per se, it is in the control they have over the women around them. They would rather remain in abstinence than lose all that.

Finally, to the last group of men who do not like to have sex. Notice my use of language here. They do not like sex. They are not gay. They wake up every morning with a woody. They do not have some debilitating disease. They are not mentally ill. They don’t have weird sexual fetishes like sleeping with trees or dead bodies and stuff. They are not besotted to some mermaid wife. Nobody cursed them. They just hate sex! I am yet to find one person in this category but surprisingly, there are. If you are, please and please, contact me. I would love to write a story about you. On my part, I do believe that there is no smoke without fire and something no one’s seeing propels men in this category to bolt from sexual interaction. Whatever their reasons are, I’m certain it’s understandable.

To conclude, celibate men will always tell you that they have the highest number of women desiring them, trying to seduce them into changing their minds. They will also tell you that the road to abstention is rough and lonely. People often make fun of them and call them names but the truth is they are highly envied by most. Celibacy is not a bad thing and for those who have trained themselves till it becomes their way of life, they totally enjoy it. One thing most people find hard to accept these days is that life is not all about sex, and with videos and ads and movies and social sites shoving the idea in our faces, the concept of celibacy may never catch on and may eventually wear off. Yet, there always remains a faction of people who will always uphold that way of life. Well, to them that live by it, kudos! As for those who don’t, the message of playing safe never grows old.

© Sally

Makayla’s True Story (what i never told anyone) by Sally

The amazing story of miraculous recovery and healing of Makayla continues. i’m aware that some of you never got to reading the second page because of technical difficulties and i apologize for that. If you are one of such people, please scroll down and click on page 2 for the concluding part of the story.

I want to tag this category What I Never Told Anyone. I’m leaving it open for anyone who has a true life experience to share. This is a forum for open and honest conversation and I would be glad if you’re bold enough to talk about your life as I am about to do. Of course, if you choose not to reveal your identity, it is okay.

MAKAYLA’S STORY

I struggled with the choice of whether to share my story or not. I struggled for months. At a point when I was going through what I was going through, I was very certain I would share it but later down the road, I wasn’t really sure I wanted to let this part of my life out. However, lately, people have been asking me questions on Facebook and I just felt it would be best if I told my story or rather my baby’s story.

Makayla was born on the 5th of July 2011. I didn’t have a hard labor because the doctor made things easy for me and Owen (my husband) was there the whole time. She came at exactly 6am that day and after excruciating pushing, I was finally relieved to be free of her. I can remember clearly how the doctor lifter her in the air to pass her to the nurse when my eyes caught something unusual on the lower part of her back. I thought maybe I wasn’t seeing clearly but I focused my eyes again and sure enough there was something like an extra skin or so (like a growth) in that area. Immediately my smile drained but I was not so cheerless because she was very beautiful. However, I couldn’t ask the doctor what it was for fear of what he might tell me, so Owen did and his reply was that it was nothing that couldn’t be handled.

I left the hospital less than two hours later but with a letter from the doctor referring us to Lagos State University Teaching Hospital (LUTH). He emphasized the urgency and told us that the earlier they treated her, the better. Up until that moment, none of us knew how serious the case was going to be. Two days later, my mother-in-law accompanied Makayla and I to Luth to Children’s Emergency and there began my journey of shock. It started with a boy brought in burnt from head to toe in a domestic fire which claimed his mother and almost his sister. The boy was just eight months old.

The attending doctor saw us and started asking me routine questions about my pregnancy if I drank alcohol or took hard or prescription drugs and all that, and I answered him (still I was oblivious about what was happening). Then he took Makayla’s blood for some tests and told us we were going to be put on admission because she was going to be in surgery the next day. I didn’t like this. I hated hospitals. I really hated hospitals. We were given space in a crowded room where I could sit and watch her while the doctors did their rounds. I think I must have been sleeping when the first set of doctors came. I answered routine questions politely and then one of them, Doctor Ojo said, “madam, do you know what is wrong with your baby?” and I answered that I knew she had Spina Bifida according to what my doctor had written in the letter. Prior to this, I had not Googled it. I was too tired. Then, the doctor began breaking it down in layman’s terms for me, “Spina Bifida is congenital disease that occurs in babies in the first month of conception. Something happens and the spinal cord does not close up properly and that is why you see that thing on your baby’s back. We are going to do a surgical repair on that area and you can go home in a few days.”

I was happy to hear that but if any of you know me well, you would know that I didn’t let things just go like that. I asked how this disease could affect her and he looked at me (for he was kind) and thought I was too young to tell me the truth and then he asked for my husband. Owen was at work. I told him to tell me whatever, that I could take it.

“Spina Bifida does damage to the spinal cord and this affects the lower part of the baby’s body. She might not be able to walk and may have to use a wheelchair all her life. she won’t also be able to control her bowel and bladder movement and it may also affect her brain.”

He finished and I was staring at him blankly. He tapped me gently, told his other junior doctors to take notes and walked away. I sat down dazedly and it didn’t take long for reality to bite and I began to cry. Owen came and I told him and my mother-in-law what the doctor said and though they did their best to reassure me that everything will be fine, I wasn’t seeing any light at the end of the tunnel.

Surgery was slated for the next day and the dawn of light on a bright morning filled me with hope and that was what took me through the day. The surgery was successful and we were led to the post surgery ward. We walked in and were offered bed. The nurses were kind at first until they laid down their rules.

  1. The mother is not provided sleeping space. She would sit beside the baby during her whole stay in the hospital. Should she get tired and desire to lie down, she can do so in the visitor’s room. Her baby would be looked after y the nurses (big lie).
  2. The mother must be up as early as 4am to bathe herself and the baby and clean her corner (was this secondary school?).
  3. Visiting hours are from 5.30 to 6.30pm (ridiculous!).
  4. Mothers are not allowed to eat around their babies for hygienic reasons (understandable but I broke the rules so many times).
  5. And they added many more other rules that I can’t remember now.

I hated the place instantly and I asked what it would cost to get a private ward. I would find out later that deposit alone cost over a hundred grand and one week’s stay could amount up to half a million. I had no option than to manage. What I thought was going to be a few days’ stay turned out to almost three months. These were the factors that prolonged our stay.

  1. 1.       A Nurse’s Carelessness

Four days after the surgery, the doctors were doing their morning rounds and discovered that Makayla was healing nicely and ordered a particular nurse to apply fresh dressing. If I knew then what I know now, I would have stopped her when she was disinfecting that wound. She dipped the cotton wool in saline water and rubbed Makayla’s skin like she was rubbing a footballer’s knee. I cringed at what she was doing but I thought it was normal. The next day, the doctors returned, opened the place and what we all saw shocked us. The stitches had loosened and there was a gaping hole so large I could even see her spinal cord. They blamed me for allowing feaces  come in contact with the area. I said nothing to defend myself because I was scared that if I told the truth, I would have to face the wrath of the nurses who cared for my baby day and night. That wound kept us in the hospital for over two months as they applied honey and dressed it twice daily.

  1. 2.       A Weird Infection

Makayla, one strange night started coughing. I thought she was cold because the windows were constantly open but by the next morning, she could hardly stay awake, milk spilled from the side of her lips each time she fed because she was too weak to swallow and her skin turned ashen. The neurosurgeons who were in charge of her case wrote a letter inviting the pediatrics to come check on her but it took two full days for them to show. At this point my chubby Makayla was now reduced to a skinny fragile soul and she was dying. Tests were run and nothing was found to be the problem. All I had was prayers from home because at that point I could not go past “Dear Lord…” Five days later, she recovered but the strange illness that made her cry five nights without stopping had left her with a coarse voice.

  1. 3.       Hydrocephalus

While Makaya was recovering from the first surgery, she developed hydrocephalus which is common with 80% cases of spina bifida. Hydrocephalus is simply a condition in which fluid accumulates in the brain enlarging the head and sometimes causes brain damage. Each day, the doctors came with a measuring tape to measure the circumference of her head and slowly, they discovered it was increasing. The only solution to this was brain surgery. I remember fighting that decision and praying strongly against it but God wanted it that way. I gave into his will and on the 19th of September, she went for her second surgery. We were told she had a 50/50 chance at success with that procedure and may have to come back to have a shunt placed in her brain which would drain the excess fluid and distribute it around the body as needed. By this time, I was the second longest staying mother of a patient in that ward and even the nurses jokingly begged me to go home. I had watched people come and go and seen their babies get better. I prayed each day that God free me from the place.

THE PAIN WE WENT THROUGH

  • Medical Procedures

Words cannot describe the turmoil people go through in hospitals. if you have not gone through it, you will never understand. It is a lot different for a helpless, little baby who has to daily take drugs intravenously, drugs I was told by the doctors that made adults cry when infused into their veins and in addition had to probed and checked with hardly any sleep. There were vital signs check every six hours or so and don’t get me started on the needles. I remember one time before her CT scan, Makayla was laid out on the bed and the doctors were searching for just one vein to insert a catheter and it took one whole hour until I begged them to stop.

  • The Nurses

Granted, there are angels amongst them but seriously, some of them are nurses from hell! One of them actually told me, when trying to explain to me how to minimize the use of diapers, that I would (in her words) ‘waste my money on babies like this’. I was in utter shock and cried for a long time and when I shared it with my doctor who is also a consultant at LUTH, he urged me to report her to SERVICOM. Like I said, you don’t report the one that takes care of you. It is like a cabal in there. You look for their trouble, they get diabolical. But I am not always known for my long-suffering and so I gave a good mouth bashing to one of them who told me my faith in God didn’t count for anything and that the doctors were pampering me with lies. What she was implying was that Makayla would not get better because in her experience, cases like this turn out for the worse. I didn’t stop at giving her my mind, I had Owen threaten the entire nursing unit of that ward with a report to SERVICOM and it worked like magic. The senior CNOs came kissing my ass the next morning and right up until I left, they handled me like royalty. They knew Nurse ‘Hellga’ as we called her had gone too far. Yes, most of the nurses in our public hospitals in Nigeria are very mean and uncaring. Yes, I said it! Quote me anywhere! They have no human feelings whatsoever and they’d rather have you die to prove their point than see you better.

  • My Own Health

I had just given birth. All the customary care a first time mother was supposed to have was alas something I couldn’t experience. For my whole duration I sat and slept on a plastic chair in that hospital that when I finally left the hospital, my bum was flat. I’m still trying to get it back to shape (lol). At some point, the nurses picking on me, exchanged my chair for a wooden chair and I went mad. Yeah you would too if you hardly slept at night or day. I fell ill so many times I was past caring. My face was filled with post-birth eczema and my sister joked that I looked like a soldier’s uniform. I was emaciated and didn’t have the appetite for food. Peppersoups and hefty meals my mom prepared for me where shared amongst the other women in the ward. I hardly went on after the first two spoons. I developed not only skin infections but vaginal ones due to the poor state of the toilets. My mental facilities were really messed up. Somewhere along the line. It was understandable. Every mother there went through it.

  • Financial Stress

Government hospitals are a lot cheaper than private ones but when you get to stay for an extended period, you accumulate a whooping bill. Thank God for my parents who supported us the whole time. I don’t know how we would have been able to handle the repeated CT scans and numerous blood tests and all.

  • Owen’s Own Stress

Each day, he left the office and came to see me for just one hour and braced the traffic for about four hours or so to Lekki. Each day, he spent money on drugs and tests and transportation. I never saw him cry because he was my strength but I knew he was going through hell.

Now, to the good part. This one I won’t forget easily at all.

Continue reading Makayla’s True Story (what i never told anyone) by Sally